I liked a guy for years, but he kept giving me mixed signals. Was he ever actually interested?

[MoonchildE]

I had a crush on a guy I knew through work for a few years. I was always too shy to approach him, but when I finally gave him my number, he never reached out. Shortly after, I found out he had asked another girl we both knew for her social media. It hurt, especially since I heard she wasn’t interested in him.

Later, he added me on social media, but I was usually the one starting conversations. Things changed when he saw pictures of me outside of work. He started flirting, sending intimate pictures, and I did the same. Eventually, we went on a movie date, but his rude attitude completely turned me off.

He asked me out again, but I declined. He also invited me to a hotel at the last minute, which I couldn’t do. We never kissed or had sex. Everything sexual between us was strictly online.

After months of no contact, we started talking again. He complimented me, and we agreed to hang out. I gave him my availability, but he never followed through. He left my messages unanswered and started avoiding me. When I confronted him, he said he was busy.

I eventually asked if he’d be interested in being friends with benefits, and he agreed. But weeks passed without any communication or effort from him.

Feeling rejected and confused, I asked a mutual coworker if another guy was single and mentioned how handsome I thought he was. The guy later asked for my social media, and I accepted. Nothing romantic happened between us, and we weren’t dating or talking in that way. I’ll admit that part of my reason for showing interest was to see if my crush would notice or care.

When my crush found out, he seemed bothered. He claimed he’d been trying to get my attention, but I wasn’t looking his way. He also said he didn’t want to date anyone from work, especially if I was interested in someone he knew, because that would be messy.

I explained that I was only interested in him, but he suggested I pursue the other guy instead. When I directly asked if he felt the same about me, he said no.

I’m confused because he showed interest, agreed to something casual, then pulled away whenever I tried to make plans.

Was he ever genuinely interested, or did he just enjoy the attention? Why would he seem bothered about another guy if he didn’t feel the same? And was I wrong for trying to get his attention that way?

I’m looking for honest feedback because I really want to understand what happened and move forward.

[La.Primavera]

You asked for honesty, so here goes:

Was he ever genuinely interested?  No, his actions prove this.

Did he just enjoy the attention? Yes, his actions also prove this.

Why would he seem bothered about another guy if he didn’t feel the same? Because you would be making him the same offer of casual sex to the other guy. He wants to know that you are waiting for his use only, whether he takes you up on it or not. It is about ego and misogyny. This mentality and behavior are repulsive. Not good boyfriend or lover material. You can do better.

Was I wrong for trying to get his attention that way? I don't think if it matters. However, I do think you were wrong for offering a friends with benefits situation to guy who was ignoring you. You need to hold yourself to much higher standards than that or you will be taken advantage of by creeps.

I'm sorry if that was hard to hear, but I would say the same to someone I care about. Many of us have wasted our time on the wrong people and have learnt the hard way, it never works out well. Pick yourself up and learn from it. You were so smart to reject him after that first date. I admire that. You just need to listen to that instinct more and not put up with any man who treats you poorly. He doesn't deserve a second more of your time

 

[Acacia98]

Generally speaking, you should interpret anything that isn't unambiguous, enthusiastic interest as lack of interest.

Also, please don't go starting something with a guy to make another guy jealous. It's unkind to use people that way.

Edited 15 hours ago by Acacia98