How to feel more secure in LDR (or know when to break up)?

[ThrowRA-Soil5296]

Been with my girlfriend for the past 2 years. I'm abroad for a year (>12 time difference). She recently moved and has been hanging out a lot with her roommates and friends. Before I moved, I told her all about my anxiety about us breaking up and my issues with jealousy. I'm afraid that the more people she meets, the more she realizes that she's not gonna need me or find someone better.

Now that she's also had a massive life change, I'm feeling more and more dread about an impending break-up. She does her best to reassure me, but I think the more I bring it up and make it the focal point of all of our calls, the more I think it puts a strain on our relationship.

I know the answer is to find a more fulfilling life in my year abroad, but it's hard to pretend like everything is ok and to not put pressure on her to hear out my negative feelings. My social life doesn't compare to hers in terms of fulfillment.

I'm also afraid that the answer is that if I'm worried so much that she's gonna find someone better, that it actually means we have a compatibility issue that can't be fixed and that an impending break-up is going to come soon. I don't want to break-up because she's the most interesting person I've ever met and she brings so much joy to my life, but I'm worried that I'm holding her back from a better life with better people.

I've been trying my best to deepen relationships with people I've met here, but I can't help but stew on my relationship anxiety in the background.

If you love someone deeply but can't shake off this feeling of dread of breaking up, how did you know it was over? Or how do you know it was anxiety/jealousy, and how did you manage to overcome these feelings?

I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now, and I would appreciate any thoughts.

[flitzanu]

you answered your own question.

you said you have issues with anxiety and jealousy, and those are YOUR issues, not hers, and one way to work on those is by speaking with a medical expert about mental health care.

because you're right, if you continue this way about your insecurity and how you are pressuring her, you're going to push her away.

[Gebidozo]

I used to have serious jealousy issues. Jealousy is a desperate grab for control in circumstances where it is not possible. It’s painful because it’s a bottomless pit of unfulfilled need - the more you crave reassurance the worse it gets.

What you must do is relinquish your desire for control. There is simply no way to ensure that your girlfriend never leaves you, but there is a way to ensure that she does - if you keep succumbing to your fears and mounting them on her. You have to let it go. Understand that it is your problem, not hers. Accept that you have and will never have control over the situation. Try to be a good, supportive boyfriend to her, trust her, and be mentally strong.