She ended things after an intense 4 week relationship, is she a fearful avoidant?

[Evolver]

I will try to keep this short. A lady initiated contact with me on dating site. We became very passionate from the first date, a lot of kissing. We sat in a bar and my arms were around her the whole time. We met at least twice a week, and long phone calls in between. She was always praising me, every time she found out something new about me she adored me even more. She even asked me "is there no end to your talents?"
At the end of our second date, I waited with her at the bus stop until her bus arrived because I wanted to see her get home safe. While we waited for the bus we kissed the whole time and she stared into my eyes the whole time. She appreciated my protective nature.
We became intimate after only 3 weeks.
I went on holiday after week 3 with a friend, and she wanted to know if I would be visiting any strip clubs. I had no intention of going to strip clubs, but it was interesting to see her getting anxious at this early stage, a sign of insecurity?
She broke things off after 4 weeks. She came to see me. She kissed me on the lips and we sat down and held hands the whole time while we talked. She pointed out a few issues, I noticed some of my positive traits were now seen as negative traits, possibly a tactic to justify the break up? I asked her why she did not point out things earlier and she said she did not want to scare me away at the time.
She said she has a lot of things going on currently in her life, and that she felt emotionally overwhelmed. I knew this to be true based on our previous conversations. She hinted that we could reconnect in future after her life has calmed down.
I had already bought her a very personal gift, unaware that she was planning to break up. She became quite emotional when she opened it, as it was something she loved but didn't expect me to remember and follow up on it. She left after an hour or so looking very sad, almost conflicted.
Her birthday is in a few weeks,  I will take the opportunity to send her a low key message wishing her happy birthday. If she responds it would be nice.
Until then I guess she has a personal gift that reminds her of me.
I am trying to make sense of the whirlwind month we had together, is she a fearful avoidant? I don't like to put a label on things, but she seems to shows all the classic signs, love bombing and intimacy, then panicking and withdrawing when things are getting real too quickly. She manufactured issues to justify the break up. Our relationship escalated very quickly which would not have helped.
Fearful avoidants normally have a lot of previous trauma, in her case her ex-husband constantly insulted her and left her for another woman. People with a fearful avoidant anxiety protect themselves by pushing people away, withdrawing, or becoming hyper-independent when emotional closeness triggers fear or a sense of unsafety. Can anyone make any sense of this? Any advice is appreciated.
 

[Sony12]

She sounds like a regular old casual dater. They enjoy the rush and intimacy of something new but then promptly lose interest as quickly as they gained it once things stop being so new.

I wouldn't message her at all anymore. She knows how to reach you if she ever wants to again. You continuing to reach out to her will likely only continue to make her lose interest in you. These people tend to get more interested when they begin thinking they can't have something.

 

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Evolver said:

I am trying to make sense of the whirlwind month we had together, is she a fearful avoidant?

You don't know her well enough at all to make any accruate guess this way.

1 hour ago, Evolver said:

I had no intention of going to strip clubs, but it was interesting to see her getting anxious at this early stage, a sign of insecurity?

She probaby had a bad past experience. For someone you barely know, it's quite ballsy of her to question you this way. 

1 hour ago, Evolver said:

Can anyone make any sense of this?

For all you know, she might have simply met another guy and has bounced off to chase that instead. There are any number of reasons she might have bailed. 

Take this as a lesson not to get too involved and overly attached too early. Even if she was full-steam ahead, it doesn't mean you should be too. It's wiser to pace ourselves more and get to know the person. Whirlwinds tend to die out just as quickly as they light up, so proceed with more caution the next time someone comes on so strongly. 

And I agree with @Sony12 Don't message her anymore, including on her birthday. How are you going to feel if you do so only to learn later she was out celebrating with some other guy? 

Edited 7 hours ago by ExpatInItaly

[flitzanu]

2 hours ago, Evolver said:

I am trying to make sense of the whirlwind month we had together, is she a fearful avoidant? I don't like to put a label on things, but she seems to shows all the classic signs, love bombing and intimacy, then panicking and withdrawing when things are getting real too quickly. She manufactured issues to justify the break up. Our relationship escalated very quickly which would not have helped.
Fearful avoidants normally have a lot of previous trauma, in her case her ex-husband constantly insulted her and left her for another woman. People with a fearful avoidant anxiety protect themselves by pushing people away, withdrawing, or becoming hyper-independent when emotional closeness triggers fear or a sense of unsafety. Can anyone make any sense of this? Any advice is appreciated.
 

Datingguide ebook

 

irrelevant, the bottom line is she is choosing not to continue the relationship and that she doesn't want to be with you.

no, you don't send any further texts and don't wish her a happy birthday, you respect her wish to no longer be involved with you and block/end all communication.

[Carlston]

If you're looking for guesses, mine is that she's a commitment phobe. Once she starts feeling something she bolts. Fear of rejection, hurt, being cheated on, kicks in and maybe brings back flashbacks of past trauma.

Don't take it personally. I wouldn't send her anything on her birthday. 

She wants out, give it to her. 

 

Edited 5 hours ago by Carlston

[ShyViolet]

The most likely explanation is that it ended just as quickly as it began because you both jumped into this too intensely too quickly and love bombed each other.  Relationships like that don't usually have long term potential.

Stop trying to psycho-analyze her with pop psychology terms like "fearful avoidant."  It's not your job to analyze her psychology.  When someone breaks up with you, there is nothing to do but accept it and move on.