How can I (an 18-year-old guy) tell if I’ve fallen out of love with my girlfriend (19) or if it’s just depression?

[someonegood]

We’ve been dating online for over a year. Things started off great, but over time, I began sinking into depression and started feeling emotionally detached.

There was a period when the depression lifted for a few weeks. During that time, I felt genuinely happy; I wanted to be close to her and was deeply in love with her. But after those few weeks, the depression returned, bringing emotional emptiness along with it.

Now I’m confused and don’t understand what I really feel for her. Rationally, I know we’re a good match and there are plenty of reasons why I should love her, but on an emotional level, I feel almost nothing right now.

How can I distinguish between actually losing romantic feelings and the emotional detachment caused by depression?

It’s also probably worth mentioning that this is my first relationship.

[flitzanu]

have you actually met in person in real life?

[someonegood]

1 minute ago, flitzanu said:

have you actually met in person in real life?

nah

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, someonegood said:

nah

Please understand this is not a real relationship. 

It's someone you are friends with online, but you two are not dating. It's normal for this to get tiresome because there's none of the real-life togetherness a couple needs to build and nurute a connection. 

It's time to call this off. 

[basil67]

I agree on calling it off.  It's not fair to string her along if you're not all in.    Plus, a LDR is pointless if you've never met and have no imminent plans for someone to move nearer to the other.

[Alpacalia]

You have been together online for a year but never met in person. That matters more than it might seem at first. Real feelings are possible even online but without experiencing what it is like to be together every day mot of it stays hard to read. I think the depression needs to be sorted out but don’t keep her waiting around while you figure yourself out. If you genuinely don’t know what you feel, be honest with her rather than asking her to stick around indefinitely.

[Carlston]

Have you actually done a video chat with this person or is it all typed words and maybe a few pictures?

[someonegood]

3 hours ago, Carlston said:

Have you actually done a video chat with this person or is it all typed words and maybe a few pictures?

yeah we did do allat and not once,well be able to meet in bout a year and actually live together in 4,im just thinking,is it really worth it to wait 4 years,she seems very compatible but again this is my first relationship

[someonegood]

7 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

You have been together online for a year but never met in person. That matters more than it might seem at first. Real feelings are possible even online but without experiencing what it is like to be together every day mot of it stays hard to read. I think the depression needs to be sorted out but don’t keep her waiting around while you figure yourself out. If you genuinely don’t know what you feel, be honest with her rather than asking her to stick around indefinitely.

i am honest with her,we talked about it and idk what to do,that is why im here

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, someonegood said:

yeah we did do allat and not once,well be able to meet in bout a year and actually live together in 4

I realize you are young and not experienced yet, but this is simply not realistic or wise. 

You have never met this person and have no idea if you would mesh in real-life. Planning to live together is essentially playing make-believe. It's fun to fantasize but you also must be aware it's not reality. 

Try to unplug and meet a local girl offline. You will find a real relationship much more satisfying that online fantasies, without a doubt. 

[E in N]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Try to unplug and meet a local girl offline. You will find a real relationship much more satisfying that online fantasies, without a doubt. 

 

 

I concur.

Edited Friday at 01:44 PM by E in N

[Gebidozo]

You can’t lose romantic feelings for someone you’ve never even met in person. Romantic feelings develop when people actually meet, date, and get to know each other physically and emotionally. Please disentangle yourself from this and start meeting girls in real life.

[lemonicetea]

In my opinion, you can’t be dating someone you’ve never actually met in real life. 

[justwhoiam]

On 10/1/2026 at 7:04 PM, someonegood said:

over time, I [...] started feeling emotionally detached.

Was your depression diagnosed by a doctor or specialist? Is it currently being treated?

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Rationally, I know we’re a good match and there are plenty of reasons why I should love her, but on an emotional level, I feel almost nothing right now.

I guess you're using the wrong parameters. Ask yourself: is this relationship making me grow as a human being? Am I a better person by being with her? Am I affectionate with her, and is she with me? If ALL the answers are positive, then the final question:

"When am I planning to visit her?" If it's in a year, are you gonna drag this for such a long time? LDRs are tough, and although you have the emotional presence supporting you, you're gonna miss experiencing things in real life together and the physical intimacy.

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How can I distinguish between actually losing romantic feelings and the emotional detachment caused by depression?

The difference might not be the same for every case. Someone who's depressed might start questioning if it's worth it, just like you did, but I'd dare say it's often accompanied by negative thinking such as "she deserves better" or "I'm not not up to it" or even "it's not gonna work". And you can't really know, because you've never met her. How far away does she live? Are you two in the same country? Is your detachment showing as having negative thoughts about you two as a couple and feeling like you need to let her go?