Im freaking out and need advice

[Whatifomg]

I (30s, M) got married about a year ago. My wife and I have two kids under four, and she’s now pregnant with our third. The pregnancy wasn’t planned. It happened right when I was seriously thinking about getting a vasectomy, and honestly, neither of us felt ready for it.
Before I found out about the pregnancy, I spent a few months in an emotional and physical affair with another woman. It wasn’t just a fling. I told her she was the love of my life, and at the time I meant it. I had always thought a house, a wife and kids would make me happy. What I realized with her is that what actually makes me happy is being with someone who really understands me.
Then my wife told me she was pregnant, and I shut down. I stopped reaching out to the other woman. I still answer when she writes, and I still tell her I care about her and that I won’t forget her. Recently I even agreed to meet her again, but I told her to pick the date. I know I’m keeping her in limbo. I’m not choosing her, and I’m not really choosing my marriage either. I’m just trying not to lose anyone.
My wife has no idea. I love my kids more than anything, and I can’t picture blowing up my family, especially with a baby on the way. At the same time, I don’t know if I’m still in love with my wife, or if I’m just staying because of the kids, the responsibility and the guilt.
I feel like I’m hurting everybody: my wife, who deserves the truth; the other woman, who’s waiting for something I might never give her; and myself.
So my questions are:
•    Is it fair to keep talking to her if I know I probably won’t leave?
•    Should I cut contact completely for everyone’s sake, even though it would break both of us?
•    Has anyone been through something like this with young kids? How did you decide, and do you regret it?
Please be honest, even if it’s harsh. I think I need to hear it.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Whatifomg said:

Is it fair to keep talking to her if I know I probably won’t leave?

Of course not. You surely already know this. 

Does she know you are married with kids and another on the way? 

1 hour ago, Whatifomg said:

Should I cut contact completely for everyone’s sake, even though it would break both of us?

Absolutey, yes. 

Think of how broken your wife and kids will be if your affair comes out. 

1 hour ago, Whatifomg said:

Has anyone been through something like this with young kids? How did you decide, and do you regret it?

Not personally, but I know a man who left his pregnant wife for his affair partner. It was incredibly messy as the affair was exposed, but the relationship with the other woman didn't last. I think they were together for a couple years before it ended (and I don't know why it ended) I can tell you that he is now married to someone else altogether, and has a couple kids with his now-wife. He is still very much involved with his son with his ex-wife, too. 

What he has said in passing is that he regrets the way his first marriage ended and that he wishes he had handled it differently, but that he has no regrets that the marriage ended. He apparently was not happy in that marriage and wanted out. He got his wish, but it deeply hurt many people.