Coming to terms with being a woman within the spectrum

[samsungxoxo]

I'm looking back at my very first post here in 2006; 20 years later. That's so long ago. I was 19 years old when I first joined in and posted here. 

I used to get emotionally bullied, obstracized at school from grades 4th to 7th. It was much less in 8th grade but would still deal with jerks ever now and then. At first I thought maybe it was shyness and my father would referred me to as an introvert. However, sometime during my mid 20's, I've always suspected I might have Asperger syndrome because I fit several of the signs for Asperger woman. It couldn't be shyness because I was more confident as an adult and if invited to a party, I would still accept it; usually introverts prefer spending time alone. I don't want to be alone too much either. I wasn't shy either. I would simply ran out of conversations to talk about. I didn't know what else to say to fill in the silent gap or if I would speak my topic of interest, I would keep elaborating the same topic, unaware people might start getting bored. From time to time, I still have the sudden laughter whenever I remember something funny at the wrong moment but nowadays I tend to cover it up, mask it.

I've done a lot of masking during my later adulthood years. I did a couple online autism assessment and read from articles about it. All the online assessments results and articles confirmed my suspicion. I'm an ASD (autism spectrum disorder) level 1; the mild version. So I'm finally coming to terms now that I'm much older. This is sad at the same time because if I would've received the proper help with occupational and speech therapy, my social skills would've improved much earlier and maybe I wouldn't have gotten bullied badly. I'm now happily married and with a 16 month-old son who is doing great in his milestones. I've achieved my goals but much later in life. Shocking isn't it? That all this time I was within the spectrum and I'm a woman.

[basil67]

Context: I'm F59 with a lot of ASD traits (but not enough to get a dx) I'm also mother to a 29yo son with level 2 ASD

I'm glad you're finding the answers you need.  But as you're a woman, it's not at all shocking that you were never diagnosed - ASD women present differently to men and we're still playing catch up for women.   Do you like podcasts?  This is a great one I listened to on the topic of autistic women and girls.  You may find it really helpful.  You can also find it by going to your podcast app > Conversations >Tony Attwood.   It's run by ABC Australia and has a blue and pink logo.  

I did want to touch on one of your comments though:  That you run out of conversations to talk about.   Do you ask people questions about themselves?....and ask 'follow up' questions?  People love to talk about themselves!   

As it so happens, one of my good friends is ASD1 (and I think her husband is as well).  And as time has gone on, I realise that she can only talk on her own topics.  We can meet for coffee or a meal and everything is about her.  She doesn't ever ask what I've been doing, or ask about my family, and I've actually gotten to the point of avoiding her.  This likely underscores my comment above advising you to ask questions.   Of course, if you are asking questions and they are still hard to talk to, go find someone else to chat with   Some people are so hard to talk with

 

[samsungxoxo]

Thank you very much for sharing your story about having my same conditon. I've come to the conclusion that women within the spectrum were as common as men with the same condition. The only thing is they showed different symptoms. For example as a kid, it's obvious I'm not going to have the same interest in the playing with the same toy truck/car nor naming every single planet as an autistic guy would have. I didn't have meltdowns either meanwhile my young brother (also has mild autism) still has strong meltdowns sometimes and he's definitely more vocally (even verbally aggressive too) over a fixation. I'm glad science have advanced by now and they are able to focus on autism on both genders. 

I publically speak about it one day in the future. I've been opening up about it on my former Middle School page but as anonymously. Hopefully more people get educated and try to better understand us instead of thinking we're weird. 

I used to run out of conversation so much when I was younger. I can now stay talking longer and have asked others about themselves. I'm now more expressive than my younger version. Then again, reading and gaining experience over the years helps a lot too...gets you cultivated.

Edited yesterday at 09:17 PM by samsungxoxo