Is it ok to look at the opposite sex when with your partner.

[Anonymous]

Im not sure if im being insecure but ive noticed that when me ane my partner go out, they will glance repeatedly at members of the opposite sex. We have been together for 2 years.

 

For example we were on a train and someone who was sat in front on the opposite side kept looking back, when I questioned my partner  as to why they were looking at her as (not accusing her, more why is this person turning roubd everyn10 kins to look at you) they said they hadnt noticed. This happened for a good 2 hours. Eventually I said I was going to talk to them, my partner said no itll cause a fuss and then hurried me off the train once it had stopped.

We go out for a meal and they keep glancing right whilst we are talking and eating. Theres a member of the opposite sex sat on their own. When they leave, the glancing in that direction stops. I then started to look over once they'd gone cos i was annoyed and wanted to make a point that now they have left the looks have stopped (childish i know but i didnt want to ruin the meal as it was our anniversary). To which point they asked why I kept looking over. I explained and they apologised and said they weren't aware they were doing it and couldn't tell me much about the person that was sat around 10feet away from us.

 

I also noticed them looking with some side eye at a member of the opposite sex whilst we were queuing on the same day as above, they were sat on their own and im thinking, why not just turn your head?! They said they were looking at where we can sit to eat and no the person who is sat on their own in the open space.

Another time I see them repeatedly looking towards a window whilst we are waiting for a taxi, and im thinking i bet they're someone there, yes, a member of the opposite sex having something to eat. They must've looked 5 times stand nowhere else.

 

Now my partner is nosey and said they like to people watch and wasnt aware they were doing it and funnily enough, I didnt notice it before the train journey and that was a year in. Now im hyper vigilant and wonder if its me and I should just relax and maybe have a look around too.

 

However last week after the meal we had a big discussion and I called the bluff on the train incident and they admitted they noticed the person keep looking, and looked back themselves too. but couldnt give a reason to why they said they didnt notice when I asked them about it.

 

Its just a pattern ive noticed but its starting to eat at me and I need some external advice.

Just for context my parter makes an effort with me 24/7, always messaging me throughout the day, cooks when I stay over, plans future holidays and always wants to see me. I am their profile pic on socials etc so I know they love me but am I in the wrong and do I need to chill out?

 

Thanks

[Anonymous]

19 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

Im not sure if im being insecure but ive noticed that when me ane my partner go out, they will glance repeatedly at members of the opposite sex. We have been together for 2 years.

 

For example we were on a train and someone who was sat in front on the opposite side kept looking back, when I questioned my partner  as to why they were looking at her as (not accusing her, more why is this person turning roubd everyn10 kins to look at you) they said they hadnt noticed. This happened for a good 2 hours. Eventually I said I was going to talk to them, my partner said no itll cause a fuss and then hurried me off the train once it had stopped.

We go out for a meal and they keep glancing right whilst we are talking and eating. Theres a member of the opposite sex sat on their own. When they leave, the glancing in that direction stops. I then started to look over once they'd gone cos i was annoyed and wanted to make a point that now they have left the looks have stopped (childish i know but i didnt want to ruin the meal as it was our anniversary). To which point they asked why I kept looking over. I explained and they apologised and said they weren't aware they were doing it and couldn't tell me much about the person that was sat around 10feet away from us.

 

I also noticed them looking with some side eye at a member of the opposite sex whilst we were queuing on the same day as above, they were sat on their own and im thinking, why not just turn your head?! They said they were looking at where we can sit to eat and no the person who is sat on their own in the open space.

Another time I see them repeatedly looking towards a window whilst we are waiting for a taxi, and im thinking i bet they're someone there, yes, a member of the opposite sex having something to eat. They must've looked 5 times stand nowhere else.

 

Now my partner is nosey and said they like to people watch and wasnt aware they were doing it and funnily enough, I didnt notice it before the train journey and that was a year in. Now im hyper vigilant and wonder if its me and I should just relax and maybe have a look around too.

 

However last week after the meal we had a big discussion and I called the bluff on the train incident and they admitted they noticed the person keep looking, and looked back themselves too. but couldnt give a reason to why they said they didnt notice when I asked them about it.

 

Its just a pattern ive noticed but its starting to eat at me and I need some external advice.

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Just for context my parter makes an effort with me 24/7, always messaging me throughout the day, cooks when I stay over, plans future holidays and always wants to see me. I am their profile pic on socials etc so I know they love me but am I in the wrong and do I need to chill out?

 

Thanks

Just for further, my partner has a disabled daughter and I often wonder if im being kept around as they said they were always worried about meeting someone because of said daughter. This was an honest take in the early part of our relationship. But part of me thinks are they having their cake and eating it as none of my exes looked around so much when out drinking and eating. Am I just the constant support so they can go looking around?

[Sony12]

Everyone looks. It's just a matter if people act on that initial attraction.

[Anonymous]

1 minute ago, Sony12 said:

Everyone looks. It's just a matter if people act on that initial attraction.

Thats true, I suppose ill never know what happens when im not around. Its just the repeated looking and then it stops when they leave and denying the train person when asked.

 

Maybe ill just start looking too, I may like it.

[Sony12]

59 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

Thats true, I suppose ill never know what happens when im not around. Its just the repeated looking and then it stops when they leave and denying the train person when asked.

 

Maybe ill just start looking too, I may like it.

Even happily married people still enjoy looking at other attractive individuals and probably even fantasize about some of them at times. It's just a matter of rather people actually officially cheat.

People don't suddenly stop thinking about that stuff just because they tie the knot or get into a serious relationship.

[ExpatInItaly]

Have you been this insecure in other relationships?

2 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I often wonder if im being kept around as they said they were always worried about meeting someone because of said daughter

If you honestly think your partner is capable of this level of shadiness, then you shouldn't be dating her. 

It's quite clear you don't trust her or her intentions with you. 

Edited 10 hours ago by ExpatInItaly

[Anonymous]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Have you been this insecure in other relationships?

If you honestly think your partner is capable of this level of shadiness, then you shouldn't be dating her. 

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It's quite clear you don't trust her or her intentions with you. 

No, ive never had to worry about anything in previous relationships. In my head theyre my only focus, I really dont look at others and certainly wouldn't repeatedly stare when sat with them having a meal or drink.

 

These other thoughts have only come about after wondering why they stares at others when we are together. It made me wonder if they're really into me if they constantly notice others when we are sat together. 

[flitzanu]

a person can simultaneously think their girlfriend is attractive and also think another girl is attractive, and those have nothing to do with each other.

[ExpatInItaly]

If you truly believe your girlfriend isn't into you and is dating you for the wrong reasons, break up with her. 

 

[Anonymous]

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

If you truly believe your girlfriend isn't into you and is dating you for the wrong reasons, break up with her. 

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Well its confusing as they are very kind and thoughtful and we have fun together.

 

However I need advice on whether its normal for your partner to stare repeatedly at the opposite sex when out drinking, having a meal, talking etc and if im being insecure and should just let them look at who they want. Even if I feel its disrespectful to crave external validation from strangers when out on a date night, for example.

[Gebidozo]

The fact that you suspect your girlfriend of using you and stringing you along until she finds someone else just because she likes looking at people tells us more about you than about her.

First of all, this is just plain silly. If she truly had such nefarious intentions, she wouldn’t be so dumb as to constantly feed your suspicions. She’d look for people when you aren’t there. Nobody hooks up with people just by staring at them, least of all when their partner is around.

More importantly, your insecurities have led your mind into a dark place. You shouldn’t be dating if you get so deeply suspicious so easily.

To answer your question, no, there is nothing wrong with looking at members of the opposite sex, and it has no correlation with cheating.

Edited 1 hour ago by Gebidozo