Is it ok to look at the opposite sex when with your partner.

[Anonymous]

Im not sure if im being insecure but ive noticed that when me ane my partner go out, they will glance repeatedly at members of the opposite sex. We have been together for 2 years.

 

For example we were on a train and someone who was sat in front on the opposite side kept looking back, when I questioned my partner  as to why they were looking at her as (not accusing her, more why is this person turning roubd everyn10 kins to look at you) they said they hadnt noticed. This happened for a good 2 hours. Eventually I said I was going to talk to them, my partner said no itll cause a fuss and then hurried me off the train once it had stopped.

We go out for a meal and they keep glancing right whilst we are talking and eating. Theres a member of the opposite sex sat on their own. When they leave, the glancing in that direction stops. I then started to look over once they'd gone cos i was annoyed and wanted to make a point that now they have left the looks have stopped (childish i know but i didnt want to ruin the meal as it was our anniversary). To which point they asked why I kept looking over. I explained and they apologised and said they weren't aware they were doing it and couldn't tell me much about the person that was sat around 10feet away from us.

 

I also noticed them looking with some side eye at a member of the opposite sex whilst we were queuing on the same day as above, they were sat on their own and im thinking, why not just turn your head?! They said they were looking at where we can sit to eat and no the person who is sat on their own in the open space.

Another time I see them repeatedly looking towards a window whilst we are waiting for a taxi, and im thinking i bet they're someone there, yes, a member of the opposite sex having something to eat. They must've looked 5 times stand nowhere else.

 

Now my partner is nosey and said they like to people watch and wasnt aware they were doing it and funnily enough, I didnt notice it before the train journey and that was a year in. Now im hyper vigilant and wonder if its me and I should just relax and maybe have a look around too.

 

However last week after the meal we had a big discussion and I called the bluff on the train incident and they admitted they noticed the person keep looking, and looked back themselves too. but couldnt give a reason to why they said they didnt notice when I asked them about it.

 

Its just a pattern ive noticed but its starting to eat at me and I need some external advice.

Just for context my parter makes an effort with me 24/7, always messaging me throughout the day, cooks when I stay over, plans future holidays and always wants to see me. I am their profile pic on socials etc so I know they love me but am I in the wrong and do I need to chill out?

 

Thanks

[Anonymous]

19 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

Im not sure if im being insecure but ive noticed that when me ane my partner go out, they will glance repeatedly at members of the opposite sex. We have been together for 2 years.

 

For example we were on a train and someone who was sat in front on the opposite side kept looking back, when I questioned my partner  as to why they were looking at her as (not accusing her, more why is this person turning roubd everyn10 kins to look at you) they said they hadnt noticed. This happened for a good 2 hours. Eventually I said I was going to talk to them, my partner said no itll cause a fuss and then hurried me off the train once it had stopped.

We go out for a meal and they keep glancing right whilst we are talking and eating. Theres a member of the opposite sex sat on their own. When they leave, the glancing in that direction stops. I then started to look over once they'd gone cos i was annoyed and wanted to make a point that now they have left the looks have stopped (childish i know but i didnt want to ruin the meal as it was our anniversary). To which point they asked why I kept looking over. I explained and they apologised and said they weren't aware they were doing it and couldn't tell me much about the person that was sat around 10feet away from us.

 

I also noticed them looking with some side eye at a member of the opposite sex whilst we were queuing on the same day as above, they were sat on their own and im thinking, why not just turn your head?! They said they were looking at where we can sit to eat and no the person who is sat on their own in the open space.

Another time I see them repeatedly looking towards a window whilst we are waiting for a taxi, and im thinking i bet they're someone there, yes, a member of the opposite sex having something to eat. They must've looked 5 times stand nowhere else.

 

Now my partner is nosey and said they like to people watch and wasnt aware they were doing it and funnily enough, I didnt notice it before the train journey and that was a year in. Now im hyper vigilant and wonder if its me and I should just relax and maybe have a look around too.

 

However last week after the meal we had a big discussion and I called the bluff on the train incident and they admitted they noticed the person keep looking, and looked back themselves too. but couldnt give a reason to why they said they didnt notice when I asked them about it.

 

Its just a pattern ive noticed but its starting to eat at me and I need some external advice.

HireFinancial Advisors

 

Just for context my parter makes an effort with me 24/7, always messaging me throughout the day, cooks when I stay over, plans future holidays and always wants to see me. I am their profile pic on socials etc so I know they love me but am I in the wrong and do I need to chill out?

 

Thanks

Just for further, my partner has a disabled daughter and I often wonder if im being kept around as they said they were always worried about meeting someone because of said daughter. This was an honest take in the early part of our relationship. But part of me thinks are they having their cake and eating it as none of my exes looked around so much when out drinking and eating. Am I just the constant support so they can go looking around?

[Sony12]

Everyone looks. It's just a matter if people act on that initial attraction.

[Anonymous]

1 minute ago, Sony12 said:

Everyone looks. It's just a matter if people act on that initial attraction.

Thats true, I suppose ill never know what happens when im not around. Its just the repeated looking and then it stops when they leave and denying the train person when asked.

 

Maybe ill just start looking too, I may like it.

[Sony12]

59 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

Thats true, I suppose ill never know what happens when im not around. Its just the repeated looking and then it stops when they leave and denying the train person when asked.

 

Maybe ill just start looking too, I may like it.

Even happily married people still enjoy looking at other attractive individuals and probably even fantasize about some of them at times. It's just a matter of rather people actually officially cheat.

People don't suddenly stop thinking about that stuff just because they tie the knot or get into a serious relationship.

[ExpatInItaly]

Have you been this insecure in other relationships?

2 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I often wonder if im being kept around as they said they were always worried about meeting someone because of said daughter

If you honestly think your partner is capable of this level of shadiness, then you shouldn't be dating her. 

It's quite clear you don't trust her or her intentions with you. 

Edited September 22 by ExpatInItaly

[Anonymous]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Have you been this insecure in other relationships?

If you honestly think your partner is capable of this level of shadiness, then you shouldn't be dating her. 

Long-distancerelationship guide

 

It's quite clear you don't trust her or her intentions with you. 

No, ive never had to worry about anything in previous relationships. In my head theyre my only focus, I really dont look at others and certainly wouldn't repeatedly stare when sat with them having a meal or drink.

 

These other thoughts have only come about after wondering why they stares at others when we are together. It made me wonder if they're really into me if they constantly notice others when we are sat together. 

[flitzanu]

a person can simultaneously think their girlfriend is attractive and also think another girl is attractive, and those have nothing to do with each other.

[ExpatInItaly]

If you truly believe your girlfriend isn't into you and is dating you for the wrong reasons, break up with her. 

 

[Anonymous]

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

If you truly believe your girlfriend isn't into you and is dating you for the wrong reasons, break up with her. 

FindLocal Singles

 

 

Well its confusing as they are very kind and thoughtful and we have fun together.

 

However I need advice on whether its normal for your partner to stare repeatedly at the opposite sex when out drinking, having a meal, talking etc and if im being insecure and should just let them look at who they want. Even if I feel its disrespectful to crave external validation from strangers when out on a date night, for example.

[Gebidozo]

The fact that you suspect your girlfriend of using you and stringing you along until she finds someone else just because she likes looking at people tells us more about you than about her.

First of all, this is just plain silly. If she truly had such nefarious intentions, she wouldn’t be so dumb as to constantly feed your suspicions. She’d look for people when you aren’t there. Nobody hooks up with people just by staring at them, least of all when their partner is around.

More importantly, your insecurities have led your mind into a dark place. You shouldn’t be dating if you get so deeply suspicious so easily.

To answer your question, no, there is nothing wrong with looking at members of the opposite sex, and it has no correlation with cheating.

Edited September 22 by Gebidozo

[smackie9]

OK yes it's normal, but to do it with your partner there is disrespectful. Be mature about it and have a discussion about boundaries...you can say you can't stop them from enjoying the view, just do it on their own time/ be more discrete. All it takes is a little communication, no need to play games. 

[Alpacalia]

Occasional noticing is fine, but prolonged or repeated checking someone out is disrespectful, particularly when it happens repeatedly and is noticeable enough to make your partner feel uncomfortable or ignored. There’s a difference between simply noticing someone and repeatedly directing your attention towards someone else.

So no, I wouldn't tell you to simply “chill out and let them look.” I'd also not tell you that their behaviour means they're secretly looking for someone else. There isn't enough evidence for either conclusion.

Edited September 24 by Alpacalia

[Anonymous]

On 9/24/2026 at 11:46 PM, Alpacalia said:

Occasional noticing is fine, but prolonged or repeated checking someone out is disrespectful, particularly when it happens repeatedly and is noticeable enough to make your partner feel uncomfortable or ignored. There’s a difference between simply noticing someone and repeatedly directing your attention towards someone else.

WritersResources

 

So no, I wouldn't tell you to simply “chill out and let them look.” I'd also not tell you that their behaviour means they're secretly looking for someone else. There isn't enough evidence for either conclusion.

Its difficult as I dont want to tell them where they can and cant look but when im sat with them and they stop looking when the other person goes, it doesnt look good. We've discussed it so will see what happens. It just makes me feel that im not good enough and theyre checking out what's out there. It makes me not want to go out but I will just see how it goes.

 

[Anonymous]

On 9/24/2026 at 4:59 PM, smackie9 said:

OK yes it's normal, but to do it with your partner there is disrespectful. Be mature about it and have a discussion about boundaries...you can say you can't stop them from enjoying the view, just do it on their own time/ be more discrete. All it takes is a little communication, no need to play games. 

It makes me wonder what they get up to when im not there if they do it when I am there. Ive never had this in previous relationships so I wonder if its normal or not.

[smackie9]

19 hours ago, Anonymous said:

It makes me wonder what they get up to when im not there if they do it when I am there. Ive never had this in previous relationships so I wonder if its normal or not.

Follow your gut. If it doesn't feel right, then it's not. Stop being with them. 

[Alpacalia]

On 9/29/2026 at 6:58 PM, Anonymous said:

Its difficult as I dont want to tell them where they can and cant look but when im sat with them and they stop looking when the other person goes, it doesnt look good. We've discussed it so will see what happens. It just makes me feel that im not good enough and theyre checking out what's out there. It makes me not want to go out but I will just see how it goes.

 

It is normal to notice attractive people even when you are in a relationship. A few glances here and there probably do not mean your partner is not into you or anything like that. 

But when it is a repeated pattern over and over again that's different.

Once you get hyper aware of where their eyes go it just gets worse. You end up tracking every look and that drives the whole thing further. It seems like it might not even be that serious at first but the more you watch the harder it is to stop thinking about it. Whether it's harmless or not, it makes you uncomfortable and do you want to be in a relationship where you're always looking over your shoulder?

You can't control where they look, but you can decide what you are comfortable with and whether you feel respected. Judge it by the overall relationship and whether they take your feelings seriously.