Did I end a relationship too quickly, or did we simply have incompatible expectations about communication?

[Chilla]

I’m looking for honest outside perspectives because I’m struggling to understand whether I made a mistake by ending a relationship that I actually cared about.

I met this woman about two months ago, and we became very close very quickly. We were talking every day, often throughout the day, and I genuinely liked her in a way I hadn’t experienced in years. It felt like a new beginning for me after a previous long-term relationship.

Then something happened that made me question whether we were compatible.

She stopped replying on Sunday evening. I didn’t hear from her again until I reached out myself on Tuesday. So it was around 36 hours of silence, maybe a little more. Normally, I might have been able to tolerate someone taking some time to reply, but the context mattered: she knew I was going through a particularly difficult period, including a recent bereavement, and she had previously told me that if I needed anything, I could count on her.

I became very hurt and angry. I know that I could have called her before deciding to end things, and looking back, I wish I had had a calm conversation with her first. I don’t want to pretend that I handled everything perfectly.

Instead, I told her that I wanted to end the relationship because, for me, going from Sunday evening until Tuesday without communication was not something I could accept in a romantic relationship.

What made me feel that this wasn’t just a misunderstanding was her response. She told me that, for her, taking around 36 hours to reply was not a big deal and that she didn’t think she had to inform me if she took that long to answer. She said she understood that it hurt me, but that to her it was basically nothing.

She also said that she thought our attachments to each other were too different to align or reconcile.

After that, I became quite emotional and angry. I sent some messages that were more aggressive/passive-aggressive than I would have liked. She eventually told me that she didn’t like my tone, that she felt I was blaming her, and that she didn’t want to continue the conversation. I later called her because I felt that we shouldn’t end things entirely through text.

During the call, she told me that she also didn’t want to continue romantically. This confused me because I had already told her that I wanted to end things. I couldn’t understand why she felt the need to tell me that she didn’t want to continue either. My interpretation is that she may have felt that the way I reacted showed that we were fundamentally not aligned, but I’m not sure.

I don’t think she was necessarily wrong for having a different communication style. And I don’t think I’m necessarily right for needing more frequent communication. But I do know that, in the long term, a relationship where my partner could disappear for a day and a half or two days without thinking it was worth communicating would not be sustainable for me.

At the same time, I keep thinking:

Should I have talked to her first instead of ending things?

Maybe if I had called her calmly and explained how I felt, we could have found a compromise. Maybe I reacted too quickly because I was hurt and afraid. Or maybe the conversation would simply have confirmed that we had incompatible expectations anyway.

I’m not looking for people to simply tell me that she was wrong or that I was wrong. I would genuinely like to hear:

Did I end things too quickly?

Was 36 hours of silence a reasonable reason to reconsider a relationship, given the context?

Should I have had the conversation first?

Does her response suggest that this was fundamentally an incompatibility rather than something that could have been worked through?

And, given everything that happened, is there realistically anything I could do now to repair the situation, or should I accept that it’s over?

I would really appreciate honest opinions, including criticism of my own behaviour.

spoiler (I want her back)

[Gebidozo]

Not initiating contact for 36 hours is normal for some people. She told you she was there for you if you needed to talk to her, so I don’t understand why you didn’t contact her first. Instead, you waited for 2 days to reach out and then told her you wanted to break up. And after she (understandably) agreed, you got second thoughts and now want her back? Sorry, but this feels like overreaction and generally unstable behavior.

If you really want her back, make sure first that you’ll be able to accept long silences from you and not make a scene every time it happens. Then maybe call her and apologize, but of course there is no guarantee she’ll want to be back with you, you should be mentally ready for that.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 9/20/2026 at 10:10 PM, Chilla said:

She also said that she thought our attachments to each other were too different to align or reconcile.

I think this is the real reason you didn't hear from her for 36 hours. 

My sense is that she was going to end it, anyway. She suddenly took more distance from you, which yes, might not be a big deal to some. However, I have the impression that she went silent because she knew something inside her was not feeling it anymore or something had already shifted for her and she was working out how to tell you. 

On 9/20/2026 at 10:10 PM, Chilla said:

Did I end things too quickly?

I think you were impulsive, yes, but I also don't think it makes as much of a difference as you think. I very much  believe she was already having doubts. Going from communicating much more frequently to sudden silence signals all was not well. I don't think you were misreading the signs there. 

On 9/20/2026 at 10:10 PM, Chilla said:

She told me that, for her, taking around 36 hours to reply was not a big deal and that she didn’t think she had to inform me if she took that long to answer.

What does that tell you about her actual interest in you? I agree that she doesn't need to inform you, per se, but I also think it says a lot about how motivated she was to stay in touch with you. 

I'm sorry. I think this was already going to fizzle for her. 

[Chilla]

3 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Not initiating contact for 36 hours is normal for some people. She told you she was there for you if you needed to talk to her, so I don’t understand why you didn’t contact her first. Instead, you waited for 2 days to reach out and then told her you wanted to break up. And after she (understandably) agreed, you got second thoughts and now want her back? Sorry, but this feels like overreaction and generally unstable behavior.

If you really want her back, make sure first that you’ll be able to accept long silences from you and not make a scene every time it happens. Then maybe call her and apologize, but of course there is no guarantee she’ll want to be back with you, you should be mentally ready for that . But i texted her on Sunday, she didn’t reply.