Still in love with coparent after 3 years

[Anonymous]

My ex who is the mother of my child left 3 years ago. 

 

Every time I see her or we have to interact for our child I feel like I sink a little lower. As time goes on and she has clearly healed , I feel like I'm watching her move on and live her life while I'm stuck 8 years in the past 

 

I've been in therapy for multiple years. I work, I workout, and eat fairly well. I've tried dating. I've met a few cool women but I can't bring myself to feel anything for them. As nice or great as they seem, it feels like I'm still in a relationship so I have no interest. I've tried to ignore this and continue speaking with them but it's a waste of their time, my time, and unfair to them. I've since given up dating.

It's gotten to a point where I've noticed that I'll tell myself "at least you will die one day, and then you'll be free of the feelings you have for her"

 

Clearly very unhealthy. 

 

I limit contact with her, it's at a point now where we only see each other briefly when we exchange our child and we see each other at any activity our child has.

 

 

As soon as I see her something reignites in my mind and stomach and it is so clear to me that despite it having been 3 years I feel no different toward her than I did at any point in our several years of being together and living together 

 

I tell myself it's over. I know it is. I tried to get her back when she left , she didn't want me. We were apart for almost 2 years and I tried again to get her back, not receptive.

 

My mind knows it's over, I've spent so much time without her now and she doesn't want much to do with me for the most part. She is nice to me and friendly but her romantic interest in me is dead. She loves me as you do someone you cared deeply for, someone you had a child with, someone whose side you spent years next to. But she doesn't love me in a romantic sense like I do her 

 

I've tried completely not talking to her or seeing her, I've tried not going to our child's appointments to avoid her , I've been friendly, I've talked but kept it strictly "business"

 

Any and everything I do does nothing to remove the attachment or bond or whatever it is.

 

And I understand now that I probably can't ever remove the feelings I have for her.

 

 

I feel stuck on where to go. I can't move past her but I don't want anyone else. My mind knows it's done but my heart won't stop making me suffer 

I feel completely trapped. 

I daydream about running away. Quitting my job, selling everything, and driving to somewhere far away. Anywhere no one knows me, where I don't see or talk to anyone I know

It feels like if I can go somewhere no one knows me I won't exist. And somehow if I don't exist I can pretend or try to convince myself she doesn't exist either. I can start over as someone new and forget I ever met her. 

 

How can I let go of her and find some peace

 

 

[introverted1]

16 hours ago, Anonymous said:

How can I let go of her and find some peace

If your current therapist has not been able to help with you after three years of trying, then it is time for a new therapist.