Can I really call these people my friends?

[lavender7093]

Should I leave these friendships/people in the past?

I've known her a few years now, met her through a mutual male friend (him over known about 7 years) who doesn't speak to her anymore and has apparently blocked her. Apparently because she leaves him on read sometimes but another time he said he doesn't trust her.  majority of the time she can speak to me normally, on the odd occasions she's made weird comments though which come out of nowhere. When we met one time and were eating, I may talk like everyone else does at a restaurant, we got our food, maybe like 5 minutes in and she's like you have to put the spoon in your mouth, I was taken aback, I didn't confront her about it but was strange. Another time a couple of years prior we went to a winter funfair, the guy also came, she only pinpoint my behaviour, and later on said you looked like you need to be spoon fed, she told the mutual guy friend this first and he told me, she didn't explain why but continued to randomly bring it up, I just didn't get angry or ask why. 

I know she has mental health issues, in January she was diagnosed.with anxiety and depression but shes had issues for years, and for years all I've done is not say too much or try to confront her about anything because the mutual friend (guy) always tells me to be there for her, not say too much and be nice to her, even though to me he is blatantly rude and doesn't care what he says, just because unlike her I don't show any problems , or am not an overly emotional person. Basically he always tells me to keep whatever I think about her or situations that may hurt her on the low but let's her say whatever to me because she has no parents (she has brothers and sisters) though and due to her psychological issues. And she for some reason always defends him first or excuses his weird behaviour as oh that's just him, but I'm the only one who is apparently allowed to be held accountable. Also regardless I've always been supportive of her, practically been like a therapist and advisor, gave her advice and help when she felt hopeless after some stuff happened, for months I was giving her supportive advice and words. And he  just kept putting the responsibilities on me saying I should be there for her more, meanwhile he just does what he wants and doesn't want to be there for her in that type of way. But when he wanted to be aexually weird by text was fine giving her time  (This part is too long to go into) but he has done this with me aswell.

She's been blocked by the guy for a few months now. For the whole week I found out she was in hospital, and my usual self felt sympathy and I was just being overly nice to her, she didn't go into exactly why she was there, just that she had strange pigmentation marks (from a flu) and was admitted.  I didn't ask too much but like I said was there for her as a friend. We were supposed to meet but I told her I was unwell with the flu, and she said its fine she is in hospital anyway. And pretty much everyday I was saying hope she gets better etc. She eventually after a few days came out of hospital, told me she's going to a wedding I said share the pics and she said u don't normally ask, but I meant pics of the venue food etc not necessarily selfies of her lol, but  I told her sometimes if my friends go to nice places I tell them to send me photos. Her response to that the next day was fortunately I pick the places we go to, whatever that meant. Then this was the remaining convo between me and her yesterday, I'll call the mutual guy friend (R)....

 R  told his other girl friend that I left after he told me about his diabetes diagnosis, as in I didn't message him again for ages, and she said its not right I did that, he's basically badmouthing me to a stranger for sympathy (me), 

You keep banging on about R Give the guy a break. Maybe if we were in a groupchat and he was there other than that it’s quite draining ( mind you  stopped mentioning R for ages since the last time she said to not talk about him and I hardly even spoke of him for months, its just when I did say stuff she would get extra touchy and sensitive then insult me, like.when I told her I unblocked him after 7 months she said oh you must be bored. The only thing is i told her he had diabetes and she said well i dont text him and he doesnt text me but he told me he blocked her so idk)

You’re hyper at times especially when R is  not around (her), ok I won't mention him then,  you don't even know half the stuff he's said and done, I don't think you actually know how bad he is lol but cool (me), I’m not bothered about guys. Your being to long when it comes to going out not that it’s a problem. You come in your own time, probably never but atleast show some enthusiasm and make some effort towards femininity for your own benefit (her), To meet you or generally I have no idea what you're talking about (me), enthusiasm? Wth, I'm more than accommodating towards you even when u go through mood swings which is like all the time (me), I get you're depressed and stuff which is why I'm accommodating, and I don't usually say anything but the things u come out with sometimes is crazy (me), I try to be positive when we both out. I don’t think I have mood swings I’m just reluctant to do things and engage with convos between yourself and R (her), I think it will be nice if one day we went shopping for clothes and I don’t know maybe you wore a summer outfit. Do something to yourself every now and then. Don’t come out in the state that your in day in day out ( her), I think I look fine but ok I told u that I chucked out a lot of my clothes lol, I'm not dressing for a man so (me), the in thing is actually to not dress up ott, not that you'd know about different styles, or influencers (me), When we meet u don't but randomly u say the weirdest things, I have plenty of friends who don't act this way (me) 

and it stemmed from when i shared stuff about R saying he's talking about me to another girl and telling her i left.him due to his diabetes and i stopped talking to him the time I found out,  she then went mad and said not to talk about it or him. But basically I didn't stop speaking to R during to his diabetes that was just in his head, he was rude to me the previous day telling me to shut up and I stopped talking to him for like a couple of weeks but at that time I also became ill so I didn't have the time for him during that period.

Last time I met her I wore a t shirt and joggers at the time, and another time i  wore a sweatshirt and normal casual trousers i think normally i would wear something other than a t shirt when meeting a friend but i gave a lot of my clothes away to charity and at the time just wanted to be casual, i get its not glamorous but yeah, a few months prior she said i look like i need to update my wardrobe as  I told her then I chucked away a lot of.my stuff and that's when she made that weird comment. And I also travelled like 2 hours to meet this girl on a busy weekend, it was nearer where she lives, yet I travelled all thst way just for her to sit for only like 20 to 25 minutes max, no joke. She left as she was tired and could barely keep her eyes open, she said she didnt have much sleep, but I noticed her makeup was patchy and nail varnish chipped, and if anyone was in a state it would be her,  but I never comment on the way she looks or what she wears, like she did me. And the time before yes my dress sense was casual, and she wore a nice enough floral top, but she doesn't look that amazing for her to comment on my external appearance., and she's gained tonnes of weight but again I've never said anything to her about it. 

So after having a go at me and telling  me not to talk about R, and after criticising what I wear, she then proceeds to tell me a couple of hours later that maybe it isn't in my best interests but can I pleasssseee come and get her from the hospital, as she's been admitted due to not adhering to some medication, I don't know what medication or what for, she just started speaking weird/out of character and asking me to come and pick her up and to pretend to be her sister as her sister was short of time and couldn't make it, she told me to come at 12, and it was 3pm by then, so I dont know if she meant midnight,  but either way I said I can't as she's two hours away and she said so just come and explore out of your area for once, she was saying at the same time to ask R and for his number and I said ok so shalI ask him, and she said I'd actually much rather see you and shared some starryy eyed emojis, she rarely uses emojis that something I Do more. And I just said ill tell him and gave her his number,  I then proceeded to tell him and the stuff she said about how I look and what I wear etc and he said just don't be rude to her she's unwell, and he told me to go and collect her even though he was 5 minutes away and I am 2 hours away! And even though I told him I gave her his number again, he just said he's busy and it's more of a girl thing and that she asked to see me first. Basically he wasn't interested but I kept trying to convince him to just go and see what was going on at least. Then later called him to see if he had gone and he just complained that  I woke him up and he had to put me on silent. He also told me that she cried out to me and I didn't go to see her and I'm basically a bad person for not going, but like I said, it would take me at least 2 hours to get there, maybe 2 and a half and he's just 5 minutes away.

I told him he's a selfish person and he only does things when there's something in it for him, and that he was much closer and should have gone instead of expecting me to go when I'm hours away (also I'm still kind of ill). He hasn't said anything since or even asked about her, and the last I heard from her was yesterday after she at the end asked for Rs number. 

Sorry if this was quite long but that's the story.  I didn't want to go was not even due to her horrible comments to me prior to her being in hospital again, I would have helped her out it's just I was actually still feeling ill myself from the flu I had, and I think R could gone to see her easily. And this is the man she never says anything against, no matter what he does yet always proceeds to insult me. 

What should I do should I just forget about these two people for good? Or try to keep the friendships somehow. 

[Sanch62]

Out of millions of people in the world, I wouldn’t pick these two to have in my life. I wouldn’t burn bridges to make enemies I don’t need, but I’d avoid reaching out, and if either still contacts me, I’d turn into a boring gray rock and stop the attention they expect.

I’d start making other acquaintances and explore new interests on my own. I’d be civil and kind whenever our paths cross, but I wouldn’t spend more of my time with them.

Life is short. It’s a sign of maturity to use discretion in choosing the people we invest in. Losing bad friends is a healthy milestone to building a better future.

[ShyViolet]

You have allowed yourself to be a doormat to these two "friends" for way too long.  Your relationships with them are toxic and they have both been very rude to you.  One thing that struck me is that the guy keeps telling you what to do.  Why are you allowing that?  Why do you act like it's ok for him to keep telling you what you need to do?  Who cares what he says you need to do?  Is he your boss? 

You have serious people-pleasing tendencies and you need to work on that.  These people are both bad friends and you should cut them out of your life.  Learn to stand up for yourself more and stop being a people pleaser.