Looking for advice on how to approach a relationship/lifestyle compatibility issue

[Hshshsb]

Hey everyone, my girlfriend and I have been dating for almost four months now, and overall, things have been amazing. She’s an incredible person, I love spending time with her, and I really enjoy watching our relationship grow. There’s just one thing I’ve been struggling with, and I’m not really sure how to approach it. When we first met, I was very attracted to her physically, and over the past few months I’ve noticed that she’s been gradually gaining some weight. I feel a little bad even bringing this up because I don’t want to make her feel self-conscious or like I’m judging her appearance. At the same time, health and fitness are pretty important parts of my own life, and I value staying active and eating well. I’d genuinely like to encourage her to be more active and take better care of herself, but I absolutely do not want to come across as controlling, insulting, or make her feel like she has to change her body for me. I also don't want to bring up her weight directly if there’s a better way to approach the subject. I guess I’m wondering how you would handle this situation. Is there a healthy way to encourage a partner to become more active without making them feel pressured? Would it be better to simply invite her to do more active things with me and let her make her own decisions? I also want to be honest with myself about compatibility. If our lifestyles and attitudes toward health and fitness are very different long-term, that could potentially become an issue for me, but I don't want to unfairly judge her based on a few months of changes. I’d really appreciate advice from people who have dealt with something similar. How would you approach the conversation, if at all?

[basil67]

You need to have a conversation with yourself first.   Thing is, there is no such thing as a perfect partner.  You could dump her and find a new slim model, but she might be really annoying.  Or you could find a slim woman who loves the gym but who then experiences significant body change when she has an illness, has babies or goes into menopause.   

 

 

[Sanch62]

Well, you say you don’t want her to feel like she has to change her body for you, but what you’re saying is that you want her to change her body for you.

It’s probably best to show your hand so you can both be clear about where you stand.

[flitzanu]

this is not a popular opinion....

...but, you're not "required" to stay with someone if you no longer find them attractive.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

19 hours ago, Hshshsb said:

When we first met, I was very attracted to her physically, and over the past few months I’ve noticed that she’s been gradually gaining some weight.

Has something changed in her life that could contrbute to weight gain?

Meaning, do you know if she has any health issues? Or is this more of a question of an unhealthy lifestyle? 

[lemonicetea]

Do you know why she’s gaining weight? Anyways her body does not exist for you. If you still like here for her personality what does it matter what she looks like?  If you can’t handle the change you can always break up with her. 

[ShyViolet]

You've only been dating four months... this is a very new relationship.  If you are already feeling like there are compatibility issues and you want to change her, then you need to move on from this relationship.  It is not your place to suggest that she adopt a healthier lifestyle, or exercise more.  Not at four months of dating.  That would be disrespectful and controlling.  If you are not happy with the way she is then you move on from the relationship.