I’ve been seeing this girl for a bit what do I do? MERGED THREAD

[Brokenheartedman12]

I’m generally confused, I met this girl on the apps pretty quickly we hit it off. I gave her my number. She calls me almost instantly talked on the phone for a bit. I asked her out she agrees. First date goes really well. She invited me back to her place but I liked her and didn’t pursue anything. She continues to call and txt starts telling me she’s a little guarded as we both just recently ended serious long term relationships. She wants to go on a second date which also goes amazing we kiss but nothing crazy. We go on a 3rd date but before that she text me she isn’t sure she’s ready for anything serious, but it goes really well and held hands. In person I asked her am I just a friend or someone she can see being with. She said she can see it becoming something but is nervous. I got nervous/vulenable and told her I want this to become something eventually. She continues to call me and txt me she text me at odd hours of the night 2 am - 5 am to see if I’m up. I’m just looking for opinions or experience what do I do? I want to continue to talk to her but I feel I need to continue with zero expectations. She’s a little confusing and feels hot and cold 

Edited August 15 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, Brokenheartedman12 said:

I’m generally confused, I met this girl on the apps pretty quickly we hit it off. I gave her my number. She calls me almost instantly talked on the phone for a bit. I asked her out she agrees. First date goes really well. She invited me back to her place but I liked her and didn’t pursue anything. She continues to call and txt starts telling me she’s a little guarded as we both just recently ended serious long term relationships. She wants to go on a second date which also goes amazing we kiss but nothing crazy. We go on a 3rd date but before that she text me she isn’t sure she’s ready for anything serious, but it goes really well and held hands. In person I asked her am I just a friend or someone she can see being with. She said she can see it becoming something but is nervous. I got nervous/vulenable and told her I want this to become something eventually. She continues to call me and txt me she text me at odd hours of the night 2 am - 5 am to see if I’m up. I’m just looking for opinions or experience what do I do? I want to continue to talk to her but I feel I need to continue with zero expectations. She’s a little confusing and feels hot and cold 

Relationshipadvice forum

 

The vast majority of the time when people invite you back to their place on the first date they are usually just looking for sex or at least some form of fooling around. She clearly stated to you that she isn't looking for anything serious and her actions go along with this statement. If you are looking for something more serious you likely aren't going to find it with this girl. She might have a boyfriend that she is on the rocks with right now and that is why she is being careful about the times you two interact. 

In anycase though if you are looking for a relationship best to tell this girl thanks but no thanks. She's giving all the indications of a gal who just wants to have a little bit of fun with a hot guy.

[Sanch62]

I wouldn’t take calls from anyone at 2 or 5 in the morning. That’s too messed up for me.

[Brokenheartedman12]

4 hours ago, Sony12 said:

The vast majority of the time when people invite you back to their place on the first date they are usually just looking for sex or at least some form of fooling around. She clearly stated to you that she isn't looking for anything serious and her actions go along with this statement. If you are looking for something more serious you likely aren't going to find it with this girl. She might have a boyfriend that she is on the rocks with right now and that is why she is being careful about the times you two interact. 

In anycase though if you are looking for a relationship best to tell this girl thanks but no thanks. She's giving all the indications of a gal who just wants to have a little bit of fun with a hot guy.

Couplescounseling service

 

I thought that too but what’s with the calling everyday and txting and txting at late hours and when I saw her in person she said she could see it going somewhere but shes nervous ?

[Sony12]

4 minutes ago, Brokenheartedman12 said:

I thought that too but what’s with the calling everyday and txting and txting at late hours and when I saw her in person she said she could see it going somewhere but shes nervous ?

She likely just enjoys having someone to talk to or flirt with. As far as the late hours go it's entirely possible she has someone living with her and the time she had invited you back to her place she knew they wouldn't be there.

[Brokenheartedman12]

4 hours ago, Sony12 said:

She likely just enjoys having someone to talk to or flirt with. As far as the late hours go it's entirely possible she has someone living with her and the time she had invited you back to her place she knew they wouldn't be there.

She has no one living with her, she calls me throughout the day txt me sends me pics of her outfits, calls me when I’m at work sends me reels, I just don’t get it. 

[ExpatInItaly]

It sounds like she is on the rebound and is looking for someone to fill the hole her ex left behind. 

11 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

wouldn’t take calls from anyone at 2 or 5 in the morning.

I agree. I wouldn't be awake at 2am anyway, and when I am up at 5, it is to get my day started with an early morning workout. 

How old are you both, OP? Does she not work or study? I am wondering where she gets the time to text all hours of the day and night. Either way, I wouldn't count on tis going anywhere. 

[Brokenheartedman12]

You would think, for someone who was engaged I wouldn’t be this confused ?! But here I am super confused. I met this girl, we went on a couple dates. She starts opening up and telling me how she’s sad and don’t trust guys. She tells me she’s unsure where she’s at but enjoys talking to me and seeing me. Comes to find out she’s recently out of a 5 year relationship, I’m recently out of my engagement. In my past usually when a girl said that she pulls away……NOT THIS ONE she calls me everyday, sends me reels, txt ask me opinions, calls when she’s lonely, calls to see what I’m doing… I’m completely stumped here, am I friendzoned ?! She’ll text me 2,3,4 AM (you awake, you sleeping?) she sends me what she’s wearing etc. I never initiate the communication she always txt me first, calls me first but I just don’t understand why at this point ? 

[Brokenheartedman12]

On 8/10/2026 at 9:40 AM, Sony12 said:

The vast majority of the time when people invite you back to their place on the first date they are usually just looking for sex or at least some form of fooling around. She clearly stated to you that she isn't looking for anything serious and her actions go along with this statement. If you are looking for something more serious you likely aren't going to find it with this girl. She might have a boyfriend that she is on the rocks with right now and that is why she is being careful about the times you two interact. 

In anycase though if you are looking for a relationship best to tell this girl thanks but no thanks. She's giving all the indications of a gal who just wants to have a little bit of fun with a hot guy.

Couplescounseling service

 

 

[Sony12]

Is this the same girl you were talking about in that other thread you made? If so why did you start an entirely new thread?

In anycase it just sounds like this girl is rebounding from her previous relationship. Middle of the night communication could have lots of reasons. Could be a night owl, has trouble sleeping, or is trying to hide her communication with you from someone.

In anycase regardless if her ex is still in her life currently or not it definitely doesn't sound like she is over him.

[Brokenheartedman12]

1 hour ago, Sony12 said:

Is this the same girl you were talking about in that other thread you made? If so why did you start an entirely new thread?

In anycase it just sounds like this girl is rebounding from her previous relationship. Middle of the night communication could have lots of reasons. Could be a night owl, has trouble sleeping, or is trying to hide her communication with you from someone.

Marriagepreparation course

 

In anycase regardless if her ex is still in her life currently or not it definitely doesn't sound like she is over him.

Ya same girl, like I said before it’s not just communication at night it’s throughout the day! Along with early am txt you awake ?! She txt and calls me all day 

[Sanch62]

Do you want to find a partner or a patient?

The woman is a mess, and there’s no reason to answer anyone at 2 AM unless you’re taking them to the hospital.

[ExpatInItaly]

Isn't it quite obvious she is on the rebound? 

She's in basket-case mode. It's unclear why you are entertaining this at all. Are you enjoying the attention or something? 

[Gebidozo]

I’d be freaked out by this kind of attention. I’m surprised you aren’t.

Edited August 15 by Gebidozo

[smackie9]

Dude if it feels too weird....that's because it is....don't touch that $hit....what the hell are you doing?

[flitzanu]

i'm not excusing her strange behavior, BUT...

if she was in a relationship for 5 years and just got out, she may not know "how to be single" and this behavior isn't strange to her because she's out of practice.

[Brokenheartedman12]

I don’t even know where to post this, but I’ve posted before. I’m totally lost and mainly ready to move on. I met this girl we went out a few times. She tells me she likes me & could see it going somewhere but her life is a mess and needs time, recently out of a relationship. Okay fine I am too. Usually in past experiences you never hear from them again. She calls, send reels, text me all day. I leave it be for a bit I joke around about being pen pals lol she tells me again she don’t know where we’re at or where she’s at. Seems like she can never give me a direct answer, I’m at the point idc if we don’t date. But she continuously blows my phone up if I don’t call her right away she’ll call again if I text her instead?! I’ll wake up to a bunch of reels. So the other day she notices I deleted the apps, claims I unmatched her and I’m a liar and not being honest. 1. We never even said anything about being exclusive. 2. Why you on the apps then? 3. Who cares about the apps?! You call and txt me everyday! She tells me she lost interest and not to txt her anymore. I reply okay be well. The next evening she calls me asking how’s work, and acts like nothing occurred? I go uhh what happened to you not wanting to talk anymore? She replied I didn’t but I’m taking it day by day. lol To this day she’s been again blowing my phone up again? There’s gotta be other dudes giving this girl attention no? Or atleast friends?! I’m not understanding what she wants from me, I can’t get a direct answer and at this point I don’t care what she says but like what is this?

[ExpatInItaly]

We have already answered this in your other thread. 

She's on the rebound and sounds unhinged. What other answer are you looking for, and why on earth are you still communicating with this person at all? 

[Sanch62]

Why haven’t you blocked her?

Boom! Done. No need to analyze cray-cray.

[Lotsgoingon]

She told you she doesn't want anything serious. Dude, you gotta hear that. We canNOT convince other people to be serious with her. 

If you're fine with just fooling around and being a bit chaotic (late late phone calls), then fine. Otherwise, she told you the deal: get out.