My (23M) girlfriend (23F) asked to put our relationship on pause. I don't know what to think.

[Patrik_Nagibator]

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for some outside perspective because I'm feeling really confused.

My girlfriend and I were doing really well. We talked every day, had regular video calls, supported each other, and often talked about our future together. As far as I knew, there were no major arguments or serious problems between us.

Then I noticed that she started replying to my messages less often. I didn't make a big deal out of it because I know everyone gets busy or goes through difficult times.

A little later, she told me that she was exhausted and wanted to put our relationship on pause. I asked if we could talk on the phone, but she said that if we did, she wouldn't be able to stop herself from crying. She never explained what the actual problem was. She didn't say she had stopped loving me, and she didn't say she wanted to break up.

It's been about two weeks now, and we haven't spoken at all. I decided to respect her request and give her the space she asked for instead of constantly messaging her.

I'm trying not to jump to conclusions, but it's hard. Just before all of this, we were making plans for our future together, and then everything changed so suddenly.

Has anyone been through something similar? Can someone genuinely ask for a pause because they're struggling with personal issues and later come back to the relationship? Or does this usually mean they're slowly trying to end things?

I'd really appreciate any honest advice or experiences. Thank you.

[ExpatInItaly]

She needs to put on her Big Girl Pants and tell you what's going on with her. Leaving you hanging with no clear communication is not respectful. 

I personally would tell her that since it's been two weeks, you would like to have a proper conversation now to see where you two stand and if there is a way forward. If she dodges this, you know that it's time to end it. Someone who loves you would not leave you in the lurch like that. 

And no, I don't really know any couples who had a unilateral break with essentially no communicaiton and came back stronger for it. 

[Gebidozo]

19 hours ago, Patrik_Nagibator said:

Can someone genuinely ask for a pause because they're struggling with personal issues and later come back to the relationship? Or does this usually mean they're slowly trying to end things?

I’m sorry, but yes, that is what it usually means. Especially when the break wasn’t triggered by a particular fight and lasted for such a long time. When people quarrel and say “I need a break from you!” in the middle of a fight, then cool off for a few days, then yes, reconciliation is possible. But in your case, it feels more like a slowly burning breakup.

 

[flitzanu]

have you met this girlfriend in person?

[Patrik_Nagibator]

12 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Ей нужно набраться смелости и рассказать тебе, что с ней происходит. Держать тебя в неведении, не объясняясь, — это неуважительно.

Лично я бы сказала ей, что прошло уже две недели и тебе хотелось бы поговорить по душам, чтобы понять, что у вас за отношения и есть ли им продолжение. Если она будет уклоняться от разговора, знай, что пора заканчивать. Тот, кто вас любит, не бросил бы вас в беде.

И нет, я не знаю ни одной пары, которая бы разошлась в одностороннем порядке, практически не общаясь, и стала бы от этого только сильнее.

Yes, I respect her pause, but I think this pause is forever. It’s just not clear why she decided to break off the relationship. Everything was fine, nothing to worry about.thank you.

[Patrik_Nagibator]

19 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Мне жаль, но да, обычно это именно то, что имеется в виду. Особенно если разрыв не был спровоцирован конкретной ссорой и длился так долго. Если люди ссорятся и в разгар конфликта говорят: «Мне нужно от тебя отдохнуть!», а потом остывают в течение нескольких дней, то да, примирение возможно. Но в вашем случае это больше похоже на постепенный разрыв.

 

I agree, it seems like I've already come to terms with it, but there was so much good between us.

[Patrik_Nagibator]

Just now, flitzanu said:

ты видел эту девушку вживую?

No, but I was planning a trip to see her.