One sided relationship

[J2019]

Me (24M) and my girlfriend (25F) have been together for almost 7 years and I have always felt like I put in more energy and time in our relationship but I have felt in the past year that that might not change and that I want more. We have a medium long distance relationship with 2 hour travel time, so we can't see each other every day but only 1-2 days a week. Almosy all of our time together are set up and "planned" by me (she doest ask to spend time together). And when we do meet up I feel like I spend more effort in my appearance than she does. Also in the bedroom I feel like she likes what I do but is not interested in reciprocating the effort. I have told her that this is how I felt a few times before but she always breaks out in tears and I end up consolidating her. I dont want to break up with her but I feel that I can't have a relationship that's one sided on almost all sides of a relationship.

I know she loves me and doest act like this on purpose but I feel like she is mabey to spoiled to realize that im not as happy as she is or that the love that she receives is not something that she returns.

Does anyone have any tips or was in a similar situation so I can know how to move forward and make her understand how im feeling.

 

[ShyViolet]

18 minutes ago, J2019 said:

I have told her that this is how I felt a few times before but she always breaks out in tears and I end up consolidating her.

You need to recognize that she is being manipulative here.  She knows that if she breaks out in tears, she avoids the conversation.

19 minutes ago, J2019 said:

Does anyone have any tips or was in a similar situation so I can know how to move forward and make her understand how im feeling.

You cannot "make" someone understand something that they are refusing to listen to.  You have tried talking to her about this multiple times.  She is not interested or not willing to listen.  That is your answer.  She has no plans on changing any of this.  

This is not going to get better, so now you have to make a decision about whether this is a relationship you are willing to stay in.

 

[basil67]

You say you know she loves you.   How does she show her love?

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, J2019 said:

Does anyone have any tips or was in a similar situation so I can know how to move forward and make her understand how im feeling

You don't need to. She already knows, because you have told her several times. 

She is choosing to do little about it. You are going to have to be firm that if things don't improve, the relationship won't survive. Yes, she will probably cry again but she is a big girl and crying isn't going  to make the problem go away. My personal take is that the relationship has likely already run its course but I realize you might not be ready to end it just yet without one more conversation with her. 

But that also begs the question - are you actually prepared to break up with her? 

[Els]

15 hours ago, J2019 said:

We have a medium long distance relationship with 2 hour travel time, so we can't see each other every day but only 1-2 days a week. Almosy all of our time together are set up and "planned" by me (she doest ask to spend time together).

Are you the only one traveling to see her? And when you go to her place, she does genuinely nothing - doesn't suggest going to a nice place that she knows, doesn't get anything ready for you, isn't welcoming, etc?

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And when we do meet up I feel like I spend more effort in my appearance than she does.

Curious, what are you spending so much time on for your appearance when you meet up? Most guys seem to just take a shower and put on a shirt and pants...

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Also in the bedroom I feel like she likes what I do but is not interested in reciprocating the effort. 

Can you elaborate? Does she just leave you hanging and leave when she gets her O?

Edited yesterday at 02:56 PM by Els