How would you feel?

[Crispy83]

Hello.

I have been married for 8 years and we have been together for 12 years. We have a great relationship and I consider him to be my soulmate. I have also been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and have been dealing with this condition for 25 years and won’t lie sometimes I feel like a burden but not always. Sex doesn’t exist I mean while we were dating we had a morning where everything just perfect for our first experience because him keeping an erection is tough. We tried every med and the problem is the blood never goes to the right “head”. However this morning was different. Everything was going well until he answered the phone and killed the moment. I will never forget that day and I will always yearn for another chance. So about 10 years later all we do is play with toys and i dunno about you but I want the real thing. So he attempts to get excited by a fetish I find so difficult to deal with. Given the state of the world with men wearing dresses I get uncomfortable feeling like he’s a cross dresser behind closed doors. Normally I would think just a few dresses but no I’m talking thousands that take up the entire closet. I feel I’m being pushed out because closets all over the house are full of dresses. I told him I wasn’t comfortable but he says the dresses will be worth money and personally i think they are ugly but he just keeps buying them. Must get excited by a photo then orders but all they do is collect dust. Barely able to close doors. Honestly I dunno what to do. My libido is dwindling and unless something changes I am not sure I’ll ever feel like I’m worth it to him. Any advice?

[ExpatInItaly]

So if I understand this correctly, the sex has never been good except for that one time years ago?

And he enjoys a fetish you are not comfortale with - it sounds to me like you two have never been sexually compatible and are not turned on by each other.Is that about right? 

 

[Sanch62]

Your sex life hasn’t improved in the years with the dresses, so it’s not going to.

I also get that being crowded out of your closets is symbolic for you. So decide whether you want to hang in there or move your own life forward to find a partner with whom you can enjoy a great sex life and equality.

If you choose to stay, find the right incentive to make a deal that he sells two dresses for every one he buys going forward. You may want to consider another deal, where you get to have a sex life with other partners. If any of this sounds undesirable or impossible, then reconsider an option to keep this man as a friend while you move forward to create a new future without him as your partner.