Will we get back to where we were? - Partner is now distant

[Anonymous]

Hi, I'm (32m) having difficulty understanding how my relationship with my GF (33f) has become so distant over the last month and if we can recover or if others have been through the same thing. We've been together for nearly a year, during that time we've been each other's soul mate. Constant messaging, calls, "I love you's", intimacy and basically being around each other 24/7. A few months ago we found out we were pregnant and it was a scary time for me but I was very supportive but we lost the baby after about 8 weeks. During that same time she had to move house, increased her hours at work and had to deal with family issues. This has caused her to be heavily fatigued and burnt out which I've been working around and trying to support her both practically and financially. We had an argument about switching phone services (we never argue) and I thought it was small but since then it's like she's keeping me at arm's length.

Since the start of the month she has no longer said or texted "I love you" and I've hardly seen her. Communication has progressively got better as the month has gone on and I've managed to support her by going over to cook a few times in the past 2 weeks. She brought me lunch the other day which shows that she still cares and we've almost had a daily conversation about work, family issues and other things. We haven't discussed the relationship as a topic.

I'm not sure if I'm smothering her by sending my usual Good morning or Goodnight messages. She sometimes replies and sometimes initiates. It's just so hard to read and at the moment it's taking a lot of emotional energy out of me. 

I love her with all my heart, I just want her to be happy and healthy. 

[Gebidozo]

She lost her baby and is having family and work issues. All you can do is stay supportive, don’t bother her with questions, give her as much space as she needs, and wait until she is feeling better.

[RedApollo]

1 hour ago, Gebidozo said:

She lost her baby and is having family and work issues. All you can do is stay supportive, don’t bother her with questions, give her as much space as she needs, and wait until she is feeling better.

Have you been through something similar? It's just hard not being there 24/7 to support her since we live in separate houses. What do you mean by questions? Questions about the relationship? 

[Gebidozo]

9 hours ago, RedApollo said:

Have you been through something similar? It's just hard not being there 24/7 to support her since we live in separate houses. What do you mean by questions? Questions about the relationship? 

Relationshipadvice forum

 

My partner recently lost her grandfather and now her father is very ill, he’s been in a hospital for a year. 

Of course this has affected her, communication is more sparse, she is busy and worried. But she still makes it clear she cares for me.

The important thing is not to take it personally. Just give her space and wait till she is feeling like herself again, then maybe gently bring up your worries.

 

[RedApollo]

7 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

My partner recently lost her grandfather and now her father is very ill, he’s been in a hospital for a year. 

Of course this has affected her, communication is more sparse, she is busy and worried. But she still makes it clear she cares for me.

The important thing is not to take it personally. Just give her space and wait till she is feeling like herself again, then maybe gently bring up your worries.

 

Sorry to hear that mate. Hope her father recovers. Sounds like a rough situation for her and for you having to worry about her. 

I've basically been letting her have her space and just sending 1 or two messages a day to let her know I'm here if she needs. We're still calling each other once a day and me heading over there to cook has helped her a bit. It's been good to sort of get this off my chest but it's hard when my brain dwells on "why hasn't she replied" - over the last week she's started using 'pet names' for me again and in a couple of conversations she's hinted at future things.