How would you handle this situation if you were in my position, and how would you move forward?

[Anonymous]

Hello, I have a problem.

To start with, I have a friend I've known since childhood and a girlfriend. My girlfriend and I have talked many times about loyalty. We agreed that if either of us ever cheated, we should tell the other person, because that would mean the relationship was over. She has always been loyal to me.

As for me, one time when I was very drunk and hanging out with my friend, we were talking about sex. I was telling him what my sex life with my girlfriend was like, and then he suggested that we give each other oral sex. At first I told him he must be crazy, but he kept bringing it up and pushing the idea. Eventually, I started feeling some sexual arousal because of the situation, and I agreed. He gave me oral sex, but I didn't enjoy it at all.

Then it was my turn. I hesitated for a while and kept saying that I didn't want to do it after all, but he kept insisting, saying that he had already done it for me. Reluctantly, I did it. I actually threw up while doing it, but I still went through with it.

Afterwards, we agreed that we would never tell anyone about what had happened, that we would forget about it and act as if it had never happened.

I love my girlfriend more than anything in the world, but now I feel like I cheated on her. I trust my friend for the most part, but even so, I'm afraid that someone might find out.

The biggest fear I've always had in a relationship was cheating, and now, when I think back to what happened, I feel like I was a different person back then. It's really been weighing on me.

I still love my girlfriend with all my heart, and I want us to build a future together. I wish she would never find out about this and that everything could just be okay. I'm still a teenager, and I honestly think that if this had happened before I had a girlfriend, I probably wouldn't have cared much about it. But now I think only about her and about our relationship.

I never want anything like this to happen again, and I deeply regret it. I'm not attracted to men—I only love my girlfriend. I always believed I would never be capable of cheating on her, but now I don't even know how to think about what happened.

I'm still in contact with my friend, and everything between us is the same as it was before. Things with my girlfriend are normal too. Earlier that day, before I went to my friend's house, I had spent time with her. Everything was fine. I told her I loved her. She knew I was going to drink with my friend, and I kept texting her throughout the evening.

I'm devastated. I wish I had firmly said no that day, and more than anything, I wish I could just forget that it ever happened.

[Alpacalia]

1 minute ago, Anonymous said:

I love my girlfriend more than anything in the world, but now I feel like I cheated on her. I trust my friend for the most part, but even so, I'm afraid that someone might find out.

Feel like you cheated on her? You DID cheat on her.

These things have a way of coming out, it's only a matter of time.

[lolgofdkgore]

32 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Feel like you cheated on her? You DID cheat on her.

These things have a way of coming out, it's only a matter of time.

so what should I do?

 

[Alpacalia]

27 minutes ago, lolgofdkgore said:

so what should I do?

 

You can't undo what happened, but you can decide what kind of partner you want to be going forward.

You cheated on your girlfriend. Being drunk isn't an excuse, although it may explain why your judgment was impaired. You said you repeatedly told your friend no, you hesitated, and you even threw up while performing oral sex, yet he continued pressuring you. That's not normal behavior from a friend. 

A real friend doesn't keep pushing someone into a sexual act after they've said no multiple times. Whether you ultimately stay friends with him is up to you, but I'd seriously question whether this is someone who has your best interests at heart.

As for your girlfriend, if the two of you have always agreed that cheating is a deal-breaker and honesty is part of your relationship, then you owe her the truth. She deserves to make her own decision with all the facts rather than unknowingly staying in a relationship based on a secret.

Whatever happens after that, learn from it. Don't put yourself in situations where you're drinking heavily with someone who has already crossed your boundaries.

Edited 21 minutes ago by Alpacalia