How do I make peace with the fact that I'll probably die alone?

[Mresponse]

I am in my early 30's and every partner of mine has left me. Now I feel fundamentally flawed and unlovable. I see a therapist and have tried to do the work but I seem to still not be enough. Now with this being the longest period of me being single, paired with my age..I feel like there is no hope. How do I grieve the husband and children I will never get to have and find purpose is a lonely life?

I have a good career, stable family and take care of myself physically 

[ExpatInItaly]

Kindly, I remember your last thread - have you booked an appointment with a psychiatrist? 

It was clear from that thread a therapist likey cannot address deeper issues that you seem to struggle with. 

[Mresponse]

39 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Kindly, I remember your last thread - have you booked an appointment with a psychiatrist? 

It was clear from that thread a therapist likey cannot address deeper issues that you seem to struggle with. 

Hi! My therapist said that its common to experience this type of grief and panic for women in their early 30s. My new therapist said she went through the same thing around my age-Working on dealing with these thoughts with EDMR therapy and looking for others in forums who might have similar experiences! Working on it

[smackie9]

Well lets take a look at the reason why these people left. Was it from jealousy? Insecurity? money issues? What is the repeat behavior?  

[Mresponse]

7 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Well lets take a look at the reason why these people left. Was it from jealousy? Insecurity? money issues? What is the repeat behavior?  

My other post kinda goes into it all (thats what the other commentor is referencing ). 

BF#1- told me I loved him more than he loved me. He admitted to cheating, I tried to move past it but he then broke up with me again because I couldnt stop being emotional about it. He pleaded to come back into my life for the year following -this relationship definitely made me more closed off

BF#2- a superficial friend like relationship. he broke up with me because he wasnt in love and we shared no depth

BF#3-I left this one the first time- I left because we were isolated and a bit co dependent, he got two DUI's (one which caused his license to be partially revoked while we were dating), he got super sad and wouldnt workout and lost his job a few times. He would get anxious if I went too long without texting. I got a once in a lifetime job opportunity in a new city that would make me have to live elsewhere for a bit. I took the job and he didnt want to talk about how we'd close the gap and attempted to buy a home in our original state without my opinion which made me feel alone and like he didnt want o commit to us

BF#4 Felt unstable from the beginning. Found him on hinge while we were dating, got defensive when I brought up hurt, called me a name that hurt me, continued to get fired, didnt manage his finances and didnt show up for my birthday. MY mistake here was continuing to bring up past hurt because it never felt resolved due to his defensiveness, he had a few events I didnt show up for either because of work or I was invited last minute, him moving when we first started dating stressed me out and I had a hard time incorporating him into my family. IT gave me anxiety becuase I never felt fully safe and seen with him and thats on me. In the end, he felt like he couldnt make me happy and was tired and felt less than 

BF#3 (again)- I reached back out to bf 3 at the beginning of the year wanting to rekindle. We lived in different states so reconnecting was mainly over facetime. He left me due to:

1.after a miscommunication or argument I like to take time for myself so I can regulate my feelings and come back to the conversation with a clear, healthy mitigating mindset. Space makes him anxious and he called me immature for it 

2. I missed a big for connection. he said "maybe we can have a call to talk about our next trip this weekend". Instead of just agreeing I started texting the logistics

3. I went on a last minute work trip and texted him a picture of the skyline when I landed. He would have rather known about the trip in advance so this made him feel boxed out

4. The weekend leading up to the trip he asked how my weekend was going- my credit card had been stolen so I was sorting everything out for 6 hours. I texted him after, apologized for the delay and just told him it had been a meh weekend. He was upset that I didnt go into detail about the weekend but he could have asked. He was also upset with the amount of time that went by before I responded. 

None of these concerns were brought up to me until resentment was formed. He told me all this at once and then broke up with me. I would have loved to fix all of these things if I had known. But I do feel like its too late for me to find love at my age so just trying to figure out how to stop being distressed about my life path

[ExpatInItaly]

57 minutes ago, Mresponse said:

Hi! My therapist said that its common to experience this type of grief and panic for women in their early 30s. My new therapist said she went through the same thing around my age-Working on dealing with these thoughts with EDMR therapy and looking for others in forums who might have similar experiences! Working on it

Right, but therapists are not medical professionals. 

 

[Mresponse]

3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Right, but therapists are not medical professionals. 

 

No need to worry, I am working with a team of medical professionals not just seeing a therapist