Traumatic experience

[Tampala]

I met someone off of bumble. A Turkish guy working on an electricity ship in my country.  We talked for about 5 days and we went out on the fifth day, to a bar then a club, it was a nice time. We had sex. Friday (two days later) we met again we had sex but somewhere during sex,  it was without a condom and he also went down on me because I wouldn’t go down on him since I saw he had hair from another girl in his bathroom ( this happened on the Wednesday and he convinced me he wouldn’t see anyone else). As a result of him doing that I went down on him. Somewhere in between he whispers he is my man now.
 

Then Saturday we kept talking, I went to a bachelorette and he went out. He met up with me at a club he asked me to dance with my friends I didn’t want to say yes but I did and he danced with a stripper I think. Anyway he disappeared so I danced with another guy, I shouldn’t have but I was jealous of him and not thinking straight. He passed by and saw us then left. I called him and he was upset saying go be with the one ur dancing with I told him I wanted to see him. He said ok come and we’d go home. We went to his place, we had sex protected but he went down and me and I went down on him. He told me don’t dance with another man and I told him don’t give ur number to girls in the club (I saw what looked like that) but I don’t think he heard and I just said ok I will only dance with you. We slept for a bit then I went home.
 

I later told him I wanted to dance with him but I was jealous so I did what I did. The Monday he left to go to another region but then started to ask me if I was feeling off. I said yes I have cold and cough. He said my nose was running and I remember I was coughing because he smoked in the room so the air was stiff but I didn’t know my nose ran I even asked him why didn’t say anything and he just said let’s stop talking about that. He then said his throat was terribly sore and he didn’t want an std from me. I told him I didn’t give him an std but he insisted (since our encounter the Friday he kept saying he didn’t want any std and I told him I did not have any std, I barely have sex to begin with and we should both get tested to feel more comfortable but he said he did not want to get tested and I told him I would still get tested anyway because I always do that to make sure I’m good.) Anyway, after he kept saying that I told him He probably had my cold and I’m sorry. He said he visited his doctor and the doctor told him He had tonsillitis and needed antibiotics because he had white spots on his throat. Meanwhile I went to get tested but I didn’t tell him I just told him I would see me doctor tomorrow. The next day I saw my doctor and she said my symptoms were a cold and he prob had it and the doctor probably overprescribed for just in case reasons. So I told him all of that. Then I got my results which said I had no STDs but I had bv. So I told my doctor who put me on meds. I also told him this and he became upset saying that I told u I didn’t want to go down on u (he had said in his culture he was clean and I was not because in my culture we don’t wash our privates after using the washroom as we only wipe) then he said his throat was in terrible pain. I told him that I was clean because my results showed that at the time of having sex with him I was std free and explained that the doctor said the bv might just be because he’s a new partner to me and in no way did my vagina cause his sickness. He just said he didn’t want to talk and just rest. So I stopped replying that night.
 

The next day I just messaged to check in on him and I’ve been doing that since but he’s not responsive just yes I’m ok that’s it. Or sometimes no reply. The day after I asked if he wanted to call later he said no I just asked how are u he said fine, hbu I said I’m ok and he hasn’t responded. So I just messaged trying to make a convo like saying did u feel the tremor, are u watching the game and he just replied and that’s it. Also I fell down the stairs the day I went to get tested and told him and he just said sorry, he never folllowed up. My leg got infected as a result of the fall and I had to get more antibiotics in addition to the meds for the bv but I didn’t want to share that with him because I thought he’d think even worse of me. I also told him I tried to bring clarity to the situation because I barely have sex and going from that to being accused of giving an std felt like I had to protect my reputation because it’s important to me. He didn’t respond he just said he was still sick and in pain. Ever since I’ve been the one trying to talk to him for the last 3 days but he would barely respond and leave me on read.

 

I met him on bumble on 13 June by 17 we actually met and now he’s already pulled away. I feel so bad because I didn’t mean for this to happen and he was the first person to actually even suggest being with me after I’ve been single for three years due to the relationship with my son’s dad ending.

Last night I finally asked him if he was upset with me, he said no. I told him he was distant (mind you he would double text me and text all day when we started talking first) and he said that after what happened he is cautious. I asked him if he wanted us to go our separate ways and he said “Give me a bit of time – I’m far away anyway, and I just want to clear my head here. We’ll catch up again when I get to back to town “ I told him ok it was lot and I feel horrible about what happened. I woke up today and he has not responded and it seems he will not talk to me for the next three weeks. 

We really connected the night we met but Just like that the little bit of happiness is gone. Is it even possible to redeem this? I also feel like him leaving me in anxiety for three weeks on whether he’ll choose to come back or not is cruel because I went through the same thing too. This happened to both of us and I feel like I deserve someone who would’ve figured this out together not abandon me. Also why wouldn’t he just say yes to let us go our separate ways and have closure?

[ExpatInItaly]

38 minutes ago, Tampala said:

We talked for about 5 days and we went out on the fifth day, to a bar then a club, it was a nice time. We had sex. Friday (two days later) we met again we had sex but somewhere during sex,  it was without a condom

What were you thinking, OP? This is playing Russian Roulette with your health. 

You took an enormous risk with a stranger - physically and emotionally. He was never going to stick around to begin with, but the way he denigrated you after was awful. It suggests you are not in any place to be dating right now, as you are in a very fragile place and not using your best judgment. You got attached far too quickly and to someone who had red flags all over him. 

This guy is a dead end who does not care about you, but what it more concerning is how little you care about yourself. I would forgo dating for a while until your self-worth is in a better place. Otherwise you will continue to be very vulnerable to men just like this, who drop into and out of your life and bounce off to the next woman. 

[Sony12]

Welcome to the world of online dating. What you had was a very common casual encounter scenario that lots of people online have these days. He was likely always strictly looking for sex. Don't worry about it and put it behind you. If you aren't looking for casual sex it's best to not put out so quickly with people you meet up with online. 

As far as STD's if you are really weary of them it's best to agree for you both to get tested before you have sex. If a guy is in it for more then a fling he should be ok with doing that.

[stillafool]

To me, it sounds like he was looking for an excuse to end it.

[Alpacalia]

I'm sorry OP. He may have liked you and was attracted to you but twelve days is a very short time, and a lot happened very fast. The connection felt real, but you don't actually know him yet.

Intensity isn't the same as depth, and attraction isn't the same as commitment.

It's easy to miss when you've been single for three years and finally feel a real spark with someone, you're responding to the relief of feeling wanted again. That's completely human. But it can make a short connection feel much bigger than it actually had time to become.