Sad romantic situation with 23M and 22F

[Anonymous]

Hi guys. So I am in a very confusing romantic situation right now. I am 23M and dated a girl for a few months earlier this year 22F. We met through a mutual friend and really hit it off. We both tried to put a lot of effort in at the start as it was about 2 hours away from each other and we would see each other most weekends for a night. 

 

I really enjoyed getting to know her and treating her kindly was very easy as well. Anyway, over a few months, it became harder to see each other as regularly and we both hav extremely busy schedules despite the distance not being terrible. Anyway, she prompted the ending conversation and I agreed from a logistical standpoint but even on the date when we ended, we were still having so much fun together.

 

She told me several things at this point which gave me a lot of hope

 

\- she's never met anyone more her type than me

 

\- she thinks we met 2 years too early

 

\- her mum said I'm exactly the kind of person she wants her to end up with (she's extremely close with her mum)

 

\- she thinks I have the most genuine heart out if anyone she's ever met

 

\- she's optimistic generally about the future (did not mention us specifically)

 

Anyway, we left each other a few months ago, but she was coming to an event I organised as her friends were going and she expressed interest in going from when we first met as well so I knew I'd see her again. 

 

We didn't message for about 3 months but I did make sure to keep my promise of giving her a free ticket which I said whilst we were dating as i wanted to keep my integrity. Anyway, she messaged me a few hours before the event telling me good luck and how she's so excited to be there. About an hour before the event, her train gets delayed so I have to get her ticket from her friends, get her ticket upgraded to queue jump and meet her. We met and went on a walk whilst sober before the event and it was so nice to see her again and catch up and laugh together again.

 

Anyway, I then took her to the queue jump and let her be with her friends for a while. The event runs from 9pm-5am and she messaged me around midnight when I was quite drunk and from that point we spent most of the event together with just us and getting together and running around rides and skipping queues etc. Anyway, we go back to mine together in the morning and the next day, we speak a bit about us. She told me she cried when we ended things and was really sad and I said I actually did a bit too. I also told her that I liked her more than anyone I've met that early on, despite having been in a 2 year relationship before her as well.

 

Anyway, I walked her to her friends place and we kissed goodbye and she said that she doesn't want something messy where we draw it out and see each other every two months but also said that she's sure we'll see each other soon, but I wonder if that's more out of politeness when you leave someone than genuine. Anyway, she sent me some pictures and thanked me for the free ticket and having such fun and that was it a week ago.

 

Now I am at a loss. In maybe 15 months, I will be moving to her city (may take longer) and i definitely want to rekindle things then if she's still single. She's like more than anything I've ever looked for in a partner and I never felt so certain of my feelings for another person but it's just left very ambiguous and I don't know what she thinks about our future chances now. I'm not that close with the mutual who introduced us anymore so I don't think we'll run into each other again until I move cities unless we purposefully meet up just the two of us. I sort of want to send her a message about us as I don't like the lack of clarity and there's some things I want to say but I am generally just sad about it, because nothing went wrong and I think we both actually really like each other. One of my friends said that if you want something enough then you make long distance work which I get but then I was actually quite stressed about balancing things when we were dating and the girl said she'd rather not ruin a good thing by forcing it.

 

I don't know what to do man, I really like this girl and I think she likes me too but I'm sort of holding out hope that we can just make things work when I move to her city. Any thoughts/advice??

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I sort of want to send her a message about us as I don't like the lack of clarity and there's some things I want to say

What would you like to say to her?

[Sanch62]

When someone knows they are not ready for a serious relationship, you will disqualify yourself by pushing for a relationship. If you want any chance of more future chances at connecting, then you’ll need to lay off the serious talk.

So don’t do it. She already knows how you feel, and she’s not willing to go there. The only shot you’ve got is to take the pressure off, or she will avoid you rather than welcome you in the future.

If saying what you want to say is worth more to you than preserving future potential, then go ahead, and good luck with that.