Broke up for the 2nd time, she's disappointed and said "I don't want to be with you".

[dima7213]

Привет 

 

Это были мои первые серьёзные отношения. Мы встречались дважды, оба раза довольно недолго. Несколько дней назад мы расстались во второй раз.

 

Она очень разочарована во мне и прямо сказала, что не хочет продолжать отношения и не готова сейчас вкладывать в них эмоциональные чувства. Главная причина в том, что она не видит никаких изменений в моем поведении, хотя я много раз обещал исправиться. По ее словам, я часто создаю напряжение из-за мелочей, наши разговоры заканчиваются раздражением, а мои извинения и обещания большего не продолжаются на нее.

 

Когда я извинилась и сказала ей, что понимаю свои ошибки, извлекла из них уроки и что это больше не повторяется, она ответила примерно так: «Когда я действительно увижу, что ты изменилась, тогда мы сможем поговорить. Если я замечу изменения и хочу продолжить, я напишу тебе. Если я не напишу и не будем разговаривать, это тоже будет моим ответом».

 

Единственное, что до сих пор удерживает от ее постоянного разговора, — это наш общий круг друзей.

 

Мы не общались уже около недели. Я ей не пишу, и она мне не пишет. Я стараюсь не заходить на ее страницы в социальных сетях.

 

Что меня беспокоит

 

Скоро у нее день рождения. Стоит ли вообще дарить ей подарки или лучше вообще победу? Как правильно соблюдать режим «никакого контакта», не упуская последние шансов, тем более, что мы ещё могли видеться в группе летом? Как мне реально показать изменения в своем поведении, если мы почти не наблюдаемся? Стоит ли мне попытаться наладить контакт или продолжать молчать? Как мне вести себя, если мы встретимся в группе?

 

Я понимаю свои ошибки и хочу по-настоящему поработать над собой, а не просто говорить об этом. Я хочу вернуть ее, но сделать это правильно, без давления.

 

Я был бы очень признателен к советам как от парней, так и от девушек, которые оказывались в любом случае, переживая долю расставания и сильное разочарование. Что вы делаете в таких случаях? Какой план действий на следующий месяц оказался наиболее эффективным? Как вы добились изменений и удалось ли вам вернуть человека?

 

Заранее благодарю за честные ответы.

[basil67]

I just ran this through Gemini to translate

Hello,

These were my first serious relationships. We dated twice, both times for quite a short period. A few days ago, we broke up for the second time.

She is very disappointed in me and told me directly that she doesn't want to continue the relationship and isn't ready to invest her emotional feelings into it right now. The main reason is that she doesn't see any changes in my behavior, even though I promised to improve many times. According to her, I often create tension over trivial things, our conversations end in irritation, and my apologies and promises of more don't mean anything to her anymore.

When I apologized and told her that I understood my mistakes, learned from them, and that it wouldn't happen again, she replied something like this: "When I actually see that you have changed, then we can talk. If I notice the changes and want to continue, I will write to you. If I don't write and we don't talk, that will also be my answer."

The only thing that still keeps her from cutting contact completely is our shared circle of friends.

We haven't communicated for about a week now. I don't write to her, and she doesn't write to me. I try not to check her social media pages.

What is worrying me:

Soon it’s her birthday. Is it worth giving her a gift at all, or is it better to completely step back? How do I properly follow the "no contact" rule without throwing away my last chances, especially since we might still see each other in our group this summer? How can I actually show changes in my behavior if we barely see each other? Should I try to establish contact or continue to stay silent? How should I behave if we meet in the group?

I understand my mistakes and want to truly work on myself, not just talk about it. I want to get her back, but I want to do it right, without pressure.

I would be very grateful for advice from both guys and girls who have found themselves in a similar situation, going through a breakup and intense disappointment. What do you do in such cases? What action plan for the next month turned out to be the most effective? How did you achieve changes, and did you manage to get the person back?

Thank you in advance for your honest answers.

Note: The original text switched grammatical gender once when the author referred to themselves (using the feminine form "извинилась" / "изменилась" in one paragraph, but masculine everywhere else). The translation above keeps it gender-neutral ("I apologized" / "you have changed") to ensure it flows naturally. If you'd like some perspective or advice on how to respond to this situation or handle the "no contact" rule, let me know!

[basil67]

You've broken promises to change many times, so she has lost all faith in your words and promises.  Further, by trying to do this now, you're disrespecting her decision to break up.   Disrespecting her choice does nothing to make you look better in her eyes.

I recommend taking her criticisms on board and fixing yourself so that you're a better man for the next girl you meet.

[dima7213]

10 часов назад basil67 написал:

Вы много раз нарушали обещания измениться, поэтому она полностью верила в свои слова и обещания утром. Более того, пытаясь сделать это сейчас, вы проявляете неуважение к ее решению расстаться. Неуважение к твоему выбору нисколько не улучшит твою репутацию в ее глазах.

Я рекомендую принять ее критику к поведению и исправлению, чтобы стать лучшим мужчиной для той девушки, которую вы встретите.

Hello. I read your comment. Yes, I fully acknowledge my fault I broke promises multiple times and completely broke her trust. This is on me.

I'm not looking for excuses or just "move on and forget her". I need practical advice on what I can do now: should I text her, how much time to give, and how to approach it properly to try to fix things.

I would really appreciate concrete steps. Thank you.

[Carlston]

2 minutes ago, dima7213 said:

Hello. I read your comment. Yes, I fully acknowledge my fault I broke promises multiple times and completely broke her trust. This is on me.

I'm not looking for excuses or just "move on and forget her". I need practical advice on what I can do now: should I text her, how much time to give, and how to approach it properly to try to fix things.

I would really appreciate concrete steps. Thank you.

You've destroyed her trust and continue disrespect her by refusing to accept that she wants nothing to do with you.

You're a real gem.

 

[basil67]

7 minutes ago, dima7213 said:

Hello. I read your comment. Yes, I fully acknowledge my fault I broke promises multiple times and completely broke her trust. This is on me.

I'm not looking for excuses or just "move on and forget her". I need practical advice on what I can do now: should I text her, how much time to give, and how to approach it properly to try to fix things.

I would really appreciate concrete steps. Thank you.

There's nothing you can do.  You've broken so many promises that she knows she can't trust your word.  There's nothing you can do to regain trust once someone has walked away from the relationship

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, dima7213 said:

I need practical advice on what I can do now: should I text her, how much time to give, and how to approach it properly to try to fix things.

You can't. 

She has been clear she doesn't like you that way anymore and doesn't want to be with you. You need to respect that. It's not all about what you want. 

And take it from a woman who's been where she is: there is liittle that makes a man more unattractive than desperation or an ego that refuses to take "no" for an answer. 

[flitzanu]

8 hours ago, dima7213 said:

Hello. I read your comment. Yes, I fully acknowledge my fault I broke promises multiple times and completely broke her trust. This is on me.

I'm not looking for excuses or just "move on and forget her". I need practical advice on what I can do now: should I text her, how much time to give, and how to approach it properly to try to fix things.

I would really appreciate concrete steps. Thank you.

no, you do not contact her, she broke up with you.  by asking how much time you are not even respecting that she broke up with you.