Broke up with boyfriend of 9 years 2 days ago-No Contact is really hard

[Lauriebell82]

9 year relationship-both divorced, we don't live together. He has some issues with progressing the relationship after all this time. I'm not in a hurry to get married or live together but some plans or even being able to talk about it would be nice. I tried to do that a few days ago and he still seemed unsure. But another reason is that communication between us has been off past few months. He's been trying to bait me into fights by blowing up at me-I thought maybe he was trying to do the "slow fade" but wasn't sure. Finally when I initiated the break up talk he confirmed we needed a clean break. So it was the right thing. But now I feel like I'm in agony after seeing/talking to the same person for 9 years! Not a peep from him but he's an avoidant. Trying to be strong but all I've done the past 2 days is cry and this was my idea. Not sure why I thought this would be easier! I'm hoping he comes back because I want him back, but I'm not sure if that's my grief talking. 

Edited 21 hours ago by Lauriebell82

[stillafool]

Do you think he may have met someone else?  I only ask because you said he's been trying to bait you into fights and was quick to want a clean break.  Those are signs that someone else may have caught his attention and he wants to explore it.  

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, Lauriebell82 said:

I'm hoping he comes back because I want him back, but I'm not sure if that's my grief talking. 

It's likely a mix of grief and the loss of something that has been familiar to you and a constant presence for almost a decade. That is going to be hard to cope with at first, even though ending the relationship was clearly the right choice. You're going to need to time to navigate this new landscape without him, which will take time. 

Because honestly? It doesn't sound this relationship was going anywhere, and it very much appears as though he's wanted to end it for a while but didn't have the courage to do so. I agree with @stillafool that there are some indicators that he might have met someone else. It's also possible that he's just plain realized that you two aren't right for each other but lacked the courage and maturity to pull the plug gracefully. 

6 hours ago, Lauriebell82 said:

He has some issues with progressing the relationship after all this time. I'm not in a hurry to get married or live together but some plans or even being able to talk about it would be nice

After 9 years, it is ludicrous that you cannot even discuss these things with him. If he still isn't sure after almost a decade, then girl, there is nothing to go back to here. Living together much less getting married are not in the cards for you two you. 

Take your time processing and learning to be on your own again. It will not be easy, but once you have healed, I think you will be very grateful that stopped wasting your time with someone who did not want the same future as you .