Did he pull away because the situation became too emotionally real for him?

[Lana56789]

A few days ago, something really “strange”happened between me and a guy I’ve had feelings for for quite a while.

 

We had an on-and-off situation for months. He would pull away and then come back, and every time he came back, I would let him back into my life. We had agreed that our relationship would be casual, even though I was secretly in love with him. He knew I cared about him more than I admitted. In the past, he would often joke about it, saying things like, “Don’t fall in love with me,” “I’ll break your heart,” and even once, “Don’t look at me with those lovestruck little girl eyes.”

 

One night, after we had both been drinking a bit, he called me around 4:30 in the morning and asked me to come over to his apartment. I agreed. He waited for me outside the building, and when we got upstairs, we went into his room.

 

We started getting intimate, but he couldn’t penetrate me. He tried several times, but it just wasn’t working. I was very tense, and it had been a long time since I’d had sex. Eventually, we gave up and decided to sleep instead. We lay in bed naked, holding each other.

 

Later, he tried again. This time he turned me over and was a little rougher. It only lasted a few seconds because it still wasn’t working. Then I lifted my leg and realized I was bleeding.

 

The moment he saw the blood, he completely panicked. He looked shocked and kept asking me if I was a virgin. I told him I wasn’t, and that it had simply been a long time since I’d had sex. I explained that because I was tense, dry, and the second attempt had been rougher, my muscles had tightened and caused some bleeding.

 

He seemed really disturbed by it. He took me to the bathroom and kept asking if I was telling the truth. I reassured him that I was.

 

Afterward, we went back to bed. He moved the blanket that had blood on it and we fell asleep again. A little later, he started touching my thighs while half asleep. At one point he placed my hand on him and wanted oral sex and masturbation, which I gave him. After that, I kissed him on the cheek and rested my head next to his.

 

In the morning, everything felt different.

 

He suddenly became cold and distant. He told me to get dressed because he had to leave for university, even though he was already running late. His mother was also home, which probably added to the tension. As I was leaving, he looked angry, frustrated, and emotionally shut down. I felt like he was pushing me out the door.

 

Later that evening, I messaged him. Eventually he told me that he no longer felt there could be anything between us. When I joked that I didn’t realize a little blood and washing bedsheets could be so traumatic, he replied, “It’s not about that. I just don’t feel like there could be anything here anymore.”

 

What hurts most is that I had feelings for him all along. I wasn’t just interested in him physically. I always hoped that one day he would choose me. And after months of mixed signals, closeness, distance, and emotional confusion, I finally felt like I was so close to having something real with him.

 

Then, after that night, it was suddenly over.

 

The hardest part isn’t even the failed sexual experience itself. It’s wondering what was going through his mind. Did he believe me when I said I wasn’t a virgin? Did the blood shock him? Did he realize how much I cared about him? Or was the whole situation simply too emotional and overwhelming for someone who was never truly ready for a relationship in the first place and  also still didn’t get over his ex?

[flitzanu]

3 hours ago, Lana56789 said:

A few days ago, something really “strange”happened between me and a guy I’ve had feelings for for quite a while.

 

We had an on-and-off situation for months. He would pull away and then come back, and every time he came back, I would let him back into my life. We had agreed that our relationship would be casual, even though I was secretly in love with him. He knew I cared about him more than I admitted. In the past, he would often joke about it, saying things like, “Don’t fall in love with me,” “I’ll break your heart,” and even once, “Don’t look at me with those lovestruck little girl eyes.”

 

 

this is your answer.  he told you not to fall for him, and that this was casual, so these were not mutual feelings.  

guys don't "run away when things get emotional" he ran away because he doesn't want to be with you.

[ShyViolet]

He was never interested in a real relationship with you and he has made that clear from the beginning.  You weren't listening to those signals and you let this guy drift in and out of your life whenever he felt like it.  Why is your self-esteem so low that you would accept this for so long?  He is just not that into you and he never was.

[Gebidozo]

11 hours ago, Lana56789 said:

It’s wondering what was going through his mind.

Sorry, but I don’t understand what there is to wonder about.

He said very clearly that he had no feelings for you. He wanted to have sex with you. The sexual experience wasn’t good for him and he left.

In the future, please never agree to an unequal relationship. If a guy tells you he doesn’t like you romantically and you’re catching feelings for him, run far away.

[ExpatInItaly]

14 hours ago, Lana56789 said:

Or was the whole situation simply too emotional and overwhelming

No, this isn't it. 

He's been clear all along that he doesn't want more with you. He reacted strangely to the sexual encounter but, to be fair, it didn't go well and was awkward all around.  If anything, I think he realizes he shouldn't have invited you over for sex to begin with, simply because he is likely very aware how much you like him and it wasn't right to encourage you or (try to) have sex with you. 

14 hours ago, Lana56789 said:

I always hoped that one day he would choose me

Ah, girl. This is not how to have a relationship. Granted, many folks have been there, hoping their crush would finally pick them. But that's not how it generally goes. When someone warns you off the hop not to fall in love or that they will hurt you, you need to listen to that and believe them. 

It's time to put this guy behind you. He isn't right for you, and it seems he never was. 

[basil67]

On 6/23/2026 at 11:39 PM, Lana56789 said:

Later, he tried again. This time he turned me over and was a little rougher. It only lasted a few seconds because it still wasn’t working. Then I lifted my leg and realized I was bleeding.   The moment he saw the blood, he completely panicked. He looked shocked and kept asking me if I was a virgin. I told him I wasn’t, and that it had simply been a long time since I’d had sex. I explained that because I was tense, dry, and the second attempt had been rougher, my muscles had tightened and caused some bleeding.

You've just described a very unpleasant sexual act - one which was so awful it made you bleed.   If you were tense and dry, he had no business trying to penetrate you.   And you needed to know it's OK to tell a man to stop because it's hurting.

I suspect he disappeared because he realised just how messed up this sexual act was.  Both in terms of his unawareness as to how to be a good sexual partner and your lack of telling him to stop or to spend time on foreplay. 

Or DID you tell him to stop and he kept trying?   Because that's a whole different kettle of fish

 

[Alpacalia]

On 6/23/2026 at 6:39 AM, Lana56789 said:

In the past, he would often joke about it, saying things like, “Don’t fall in love with me,” “I’ll break your heart,” and even once, “Don’t look at me with those lovestruck little girl eyes.”

This should have been your cue to run in the opposite direction.

Yes, yes... it absolutely does take two consenting adults to have sex.

This is a man who told you from day one that he only wanted something casual.
Not hinted. Not implied. Told you.  

And every time he said things like “Don’t fall in love with me” or “I’ll break your heart,” he wasn’t being cute —> he was laying out the terms of engagement. Those weren’t jokes. Those were warnings.

He knew he couldn’t give you what you wanted.
He knew you cared more than you admitted.
And instead of stepping back like a grown adult, he kept you orbiting him because it felt good to be desired.

That’s where the selfishness starts.

Then came the night itself and instead of handling a perfectly normal, human moment with maturity, he panicked, projected, and made his own discomfort your responsibility. And afterward? He punished you for something that wasn’t your fault. That’s not “casual.” That’s not “honest.” That’s not “just how guys are.”

Try to walk into intimacy with someone who actually shows up. Someone who communicates, someone who doesn’t act like a jerk, someone who doesn’t make you feel like you have to apologize for having a body.

Edited June 27 by Alpacalia