Is it more than a working relationship?

[annoymousb]

Hi all,

There is the co-worker i have worked alongside for several years now and in the past I have picked up on certain body language and words that may Indicate a slight attraction.

Over the past few months he has gone very distant for no reason at all, in the sense that he will not work in the same room as me and can barley speak to me. I have no understanding as to why. He has recently gone through a break up and is dealing with his own issues, but this sudden 'im not working with you' came as a massive shock and upset, literally in less than 24 hours (he went to the manager who will not tell me whats happening with him) . We exchanged a few messages when I was trying to find out the issue and he said he cared about me and visa versa and we should talk in person, this was 2 months ago....with no conversation. 

This week I have noticed him looking at me a fair bit, he still runs his hands through his hair like he used too when he walks by. Today a colleague told me that when I walked by him his eyes immediately widened 'bulging' as they put it and said he was staring at me as I walked away. He started speaking to me a few moments after about work stuff which is a start. At the end of the day as I was chatting to a colleague I felt him watching me, I apologised and he said I was just staring at you. I know next week he will go back to being avoidant. 

Im confused, does he have any interest or am I reading into something that is not there? The hot/cold is driving me mad. 

[basil67]

3 hours ago, RLL said:

The hot/cold is driving me mad. 

Staring at you isn't "hot".  It's rude.  If he does it again, ask him what he's staring at.

[stillafool]

Sounds like something is going on in his life and it's not about you.  After years working together, if he was interested, he would have made a move by now and especially if he's broken up with his girl, he would be coming on to you.

[flitzanu]

just because a person fixes their hair or looks at you in a workplace doesn't mean they are romantically into you.

[Sanch62]

I would limit my focus and inquiry of management down to whether I have offended this person in any professional way, and whether there are any practices or skills I should develop to prevent any such offenses in the future. If management clears me of any responsibility for that, then I’d write this off as not my problem.

You can only address what has been communicated to you. If someone is unwilling to invest in such an exchange, then they get to keep their own stuff to themselves. I wouldn’t cater to it.

Work is not a therapeutic environment.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 6/4/2026 at 10:34 PM, annoymousb said:

am I reading into something that is not there?

This. 

I don't really see any concrete signs this man is into you the way you hope he is. Staring or running his hands through his hair are not clear indicators. It sounds to me like you have a big crush and your filter might be skewed into misinterpreting benign gestures as "signs." 

On 6/4/2026 at 10:34 PM, annoymousb said:

he went to the manager who will not tell me whats happening with him

I really hope this doesn't mean you actually asked your manager about this. That would be very unprofessional and, frankly, none of your business. Assume that if he had some kind of problem with you, management would have addressed whatever issue with you by now. It sounds as though he's going through some personal issues and you should keep you nose out of it. 

On 6/4/2026 at 10:34 PM, annoymousb said:

We exchanged a few messages when I was trying to find out the issue and he said he cared about me and visa versa and we should talk in person, this was 2 months ago....with no conversation. 

Then you need to assume that he doesn't have an interest. I think you have let your crush on him carry your imagination away and would be best to let go of the idea that he is into you. That doesn't appear to be the case. 

[Sanch62]

10 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I think you have let your crush on him carry your imagination away and would be best to let go of the idea that he is into you.

Yep. He may find your intensity unnerving, and he's not in a good headspace to deal with that right now. Pull back your focus on this guy and do good work.