Troubled

[overcome]

Hey all,

I haven't been back on this site in quite some time, but I'm glad it's still out there.

I'll keep this short.

I was seeing a woman for about a year.  During that time I broke up with her several times and then got back together shortly after.  I'm not sure why I broke up with her each time but we got back together after a short amount of time.

Last weekend I broke up with her again.  We went to dinner, came back to her place to watch a movie, and then after I broke up with her.  I don't know why I did and I'm regretful.  This would be the third time and I doubt I'll get another chance to be with her.  I don't think I deserve it and she's probably had enough.  We spent some time talking, crying, hugging..etc.  I hate myself for hurting her and doing this, as I really don't understand why I did it (3 times).

I'm of course going NC.  It would be selfish of me to contact her.  I'm seeing a therapist to try and understand what's going on with me.  Was I just unhappy?  Do I have fear of being in a long-term relationship that could lead to marriage?  

Anyway, I already know the answer to my question but it helps to hear it from other members.  I wish I could contact her and apologize.  I wish I would have handled this differently (or not have ended it at all).  But I can't change what I did.  I never mistreated her and we never argued.  So, all I can do is move on and leave her alone...correct?  Just need some affirmation from people.  The urge to contact her is sometimes overwhelming.  

 

Thanks for reading.

[Gebidozo]

The question is not why you broke up with her but why you got together again after the very first breakup.

You don’t actually need to know why you broke up. You weren’t happy. You were subconsciously annoyed by her. You weren’t attracted to her sexually that much. Sex wasn’t good. You had different ethical views. She couldn’t match you intellectually, or vice versa. Some or all of the above. Who knows. A breakup is a breakup. It’s an indication that the relationship isn’t going well.

But why did you keep coming back to her? Try to figure that out.

 

[overcome]

Hi Gebidozo,

Part of me was not happy.  I guess that was enough?   I don't know for sure.  I'll be working with a therapist to try and figure this out because it's been a pattern with me for quite some time.

Why did I go back?  I do love her.  I wanted her in my life.  But my actions tell another story.  I suppose I could have been doing it for selfish reasons.  I did not want to be alone and start over.  I suppose I could use Occam's razor when trying to figure this out.

 

Thanks for responding.

[Sanch62]

You break up when the part of you that doesn’t want to be with her wins.

You go back when the part of you that wants to be with her wins.

You are 100% responsible for jerking her around this way. She is 100% responsible for taking you back when you do it.

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, overcome said:

So, all I can do is move on and leave her alone...correct? 

You already know the answer to this.