4 years still real no title :(

[Anonymous]

For reference I am a 27 year old female who has been involved with a 35 year old man (he’s an Engineer w phd) for the past 4 years. For context the situation did not begin traditionally. He was in a relationship when we met but told me they had an agreement. Apparently not though because she ended up leaving him after seeing that I was sticking around.
 

He courted me hard from the beginning and I in turn fell hard. I’m a giver so I’d often even meal prep for him and just do small things to make his life easier. He was very open about his non committal ways and would sometimes invite women over while I was there to flirt etc. and then when he wouldn’t text me or would disappear in the night I’d obviously know what was going on. For awhile I also would entertain other men and then somehow we became more enmeshed especially this past year.

Why this past year? Well, he began having severe mental health issues to the point of requiring a rehab center after withdrawals from benzos and alcohol. He has been completely sober from benzos for a year and is now on treatment with anti anxiety medication and seeing a psychiatrist. His dad committed suicide years ago and I think a lot of his issues were from that. Anyway through this he has leaned on me most. For the first time during his struggle I finally met his family including his mom and siblings. I was at his Christmas family dinner, his birthdays etc. however, when he started feeling a little better I noticed he was still entertaining other women and recently I found a comment he left on a girls picture saying “the girl to the left of you is hot” there was no other girl in the picture so clearly he meant her. This was devastating. I’ve been there for him for years and since his withdrawals. I sleep in his bed most nights of the week because he says he needs me there, I help make his schedules and encourage him to meditate and journal. I’m a 4th year psychology PhD student so helping him feels like part of my calling. Lately he’s been needing to stay at his moms house again as he has relapsed a bit mentally and is still unable to work.

He still has a home he owns and luckily is able to day trade for income but my problem is deeper. Recently I asked him when he feels better where he sees us? And his answer was “I don’t know, I’m just trying to get my life back right now.” This of course burned me to my core. My family already dislikes him but I’ve tried to stick it out. The fact is there doesn’t seem to be a guarantee with us. He tells his friends that he and I are not in a relationship yet he freaks out if I don’t stay the night when he wants (which is most week nights). His mom adores me too. I just don’t know where to go from here. I think we are incredibly codependent on each other. When I try to leave he freaks out and tells me how much he cares about me yet nothing fundamentally changes. We also have a very sparse sex life although I sleep in bed w him most night and I’m afraid he’s getting it elsewhere. 
Any advice would be amazing. Should I wait it out? 

[Anonymous]

Wondering why he hasn’t made it official? 

[introverted1]

When someone shows you who he is, believe it.  This guy has made it clear in a thousand ways that he not interested in a serious, monogamous relationship with you.  The fact that he enjoys having you stay over so he doesn't have to be alone doesn't change that.

25 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

I think we are incredibly codependent on each other.

As a PhD candidate in psychology, you know how unhealthy this is. 

[bozoclowncox]

7 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

When someone shows you who he is, believe it.  This guy has made it clear in a thousand ways that he not interested in a serious, monogamous relationship with you.  The fact that he enjoys having you stay over so he doesn't have to be alone doesn't change that.

As a PhD candidate in psychology, you know how unhealthy this is. 

I like an engineer. If I ever see him again, and he is single, I'm gonna tell him

 I struggled too with how do I cope with all the intensity and I found just being away from it and focused on my own space has helped. Those engineers are pretty hard to get over though. Darn, what is it about an engineer?