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[phngl]

Hey,

so... little Introduction me (38) and my (atm ex-) girlfriend (30) met through friends about 2 years ago. Im not getting into much detail, we had such an intense connection wich i believe is still present in both of us. We technically broke up last year and right now were at about 6 months no contact, we had a big fight in November last year and i feel guilty. She tends to get a really strong Winter depression and has mild autism. Last year before the fight, things were already a bit tense between us and unfortunately right in this phase she her depression kicked in and she had some other stuff going on in her life. And because it was already tense and i also had some stuff going on in my life, i couldnt really handle it well, it took 3-4 weeks were she didnt reply at all over most of my Texts, to be fair for someone with Depressions pretty overseeable timeframe. I didnt take it like that though, i dont know ...i felt her slipping through my fingers somehow and panicked and in order to protect myself from the Situation this time i told her i cant bear this ongoing silence and need to retreat from the situation myself and said that if she wanted to reach out she could anytime. I dont know how, but the whole Situation got so tense and ultimately she and i had a fight where she said she wanted to break off the contact... so, she goes there when insecure sometimes, i know her like that. But this time was different, i gave her some weeks and reached out, no reply, i waited some more weeks, no reply. She also stopped looking at my status and everything during this time. I kept reaching out but i also heard from her friends that she hasnt really got out yet and even broke contact with some of them during this phase. Its safe to say that at this point the official relationship is over, in the last 2 Months though she started very occasionaly to look at my feed again. And i still want her SO much, to be honest ... but i also feel this to be so fragile right now... about 1 month ago after her first status view in a while i texted her and asked if she "was doing ok?", still no reply. I feel very guilty for not being there when she had a hard time and instead acting in a kinda selfish matter. So her Birthday is coming up and i am unsure if i should reach out or if i should apologise, or if i should do nothing at all for a while. The latter feels the wrongest if i m honest. Probably important to note here ... we never fought in a harmfull way, never said disrespectfull stuff, we were never hurtfull to each other or anything. And so far i havent dated anyone else and afaik she didnt either. 

So really, ... is this cursed , is there a way or is she just done ?

Edited yesterday at 08:24 AM by phngl

[phngl]

Whats the female perspective on this? How can i find a safe entry with her without overwhelming her? 

[basil67]

I'd say she's done.  

But also, if a date stops replying to you for weeks, stop dating them.  Either they aren't very into you, or they aren't able to sustain a relationship

[Sanch62]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

I'd say she's done.  

But also, if a date stops replying to you for weeks, stop dating them.  Either they aren't very into you, or they aren't able to sustain a relationship

I agree. She has known all this time how to reach you if she ever wanted to.