How can I know if he still loves his ex?

[BellaAaA]

Hi!

I'm a 20y old woman and there's a guy I really like and I think he likes me too. But I'm scared he still secretly loves his ex because they still follow eachother and like eachothers posts (we aren't dating). I think it's weird because she cheated on him and personally, I wouldn't follow someone then. Im asking about this because I see a lot of guys talking about the first "love" of a guy and maybe that's why, eventhough she hurt him so bad, he still follows her. (by the way some of their family members also follow them still). They had a rocky relationship, often breaking up but now the final breakup was like 3 years ago. So I'm wondering if he still follows her because he hasn't closed all the doors yet or just because he doesn't really care.

He doesn't talk about her to me though and I really don't think they ever chat. And he doesn't like all her posts btw, just some.

How can I know if he still likes her and what do you think?

[ShySoul]

My first love really broke my heart. It was uncomfortable for a time. But eventually we talked about it and worked things out. We both agreed to be friends and would have stayed more in contact if life hadn't taken us in different directions. My brother was once cheated on and managed to stay friends with that person. And my other brother was married and had a really ugly divorce. Years later she was there to help when his daughter got a brain tumor that ultimately killed her and even offered to let him and his son stay with her while they were visiting the area, no hard feelings and neither expecting anything more than a friendship.

Contrary to what a lot of people say, you can still be friends with an ex. You can still be friends with someone that cheated on you. People are able to move past feelings and being hurt and see that they still want to be in each others life, just not romantically.  Some might not want to be around someone like that, and that's fine. But others don't have a problem with it.

Your relationship with him though should not have anything to do with her unless you have proof they are doing something wrong. Following someone doesn't mean that. People follow all kinds of people, people who they may barely know or talk to. You said they aren't really talking. He isn't showing any signs of wanting to be with her. So don't let fear or jealousy enter the picture already. Don't even think about her.

Focus on the two of you. The only ones that matter are you and him. Spend time together. Talk to each other. Get to know each other and have fun. Let the relationship develop and go where it takes you. 

[BellaAaA]

3 hours ago, ShySoul said:

My first love really broke my heart. It was uncomfortable for a time. But eventually we talked about it and worked things out. We both agreed to be friends and would have stayed more in contact if life hadn't taken us in different directions. My brother was once cheated on and managed to stay friends with that person. And my other brother was married and had a really ugly divorce. Years later she was there to help when his daughter got a brain tumor that ultimately killed her and even offered to let him and his son stay with her while they were visiting the area, no hard feelings and neither expecting anything more than a friendship.

Contrary to what a lot of people say, you can still be friends with an ex. You can still be friends with someone that cheated on you. People are able to move past feelings and being hurt and see that they still want to be in each others life, just not romantically.  Some might not want to be around someone like that, and that's fine. But others don't have a problem with it.

Your relationship with him though should not have anything to do with her unless you have proof they are doing something wrong. Following someone doesn't mean that. People follow all kinds of people, people who they may barely know or talk to. You said they aren't really talking. He isn't showing any signs of wanting to be with her. So don't let fear or jealousy enter the picture already. Don't even think about her.

Focus on the two of you. The only ones that matter are you and him. Spend time together. Talk to each other. Get to know each other and have fun. Let the relationship develop and go where it takes you. 

Thank you for responding and for your answer, I think the reason I feel like this is because I have never dated and don't know what it is to have an ex. But thanks for this reassuring aswer!

[Gebidozo]

Following or not following anyone on social media doesn’t mean anything.

It’s completely normal to be in touch with an ex, even one who hurt you. Exes are building blocks of our life experiences, and there is no need to erase them from memory.

As long as he doesn’t talk about his ex all the time or has some kind of sexually or romantically suggestive conversations with her I don’t see any problem here.

[ShySoul]

3 hours ago, BellaAaA said:

Thank you for responding and for your answer, I think the reason I feel like this is because I have never dated and don't know what it is to have an ex. But thanks for this reassuring aswer!

When everything is brand new it's scary. You're worrying about every little thing. At least I was. No, still do. lol. And you do hear all kinds of bad stories and get told all kinds of things that make you more nervous. Hardest thing can be blocking the fears and anxiety out and learning to be in the moment with someone. Trust what you feel and what's actually happening, not stories we make up of what could happen.

Hope things go well for the two of you.