Living With Extreme Jealousy for 20 Years

[25marz]

I finally found the courage to talk about this because I realized that there are other people struggling with the same thing I’ve been dealing with for the past 20 years — basically since my first relationship.

Before, I thought jealousy meant something completely different, something much more “real” compared to what I experience.

Or maybe what I feel and think can no longer even be called jealousy, but rather a whole kind of madness, an overwhelming and irrational mental control.

Everything started when my first boyfriend gave me reasons to believe that he was looking at other girls or women around him. From that moment on, everything started to grow.

In every relationship, I’ve struggled with thoughts and feelings of jealousy. It started with being jealous if my partner looked at women on the street, and now I’ve reached the point where I feel jealous of almost every woman — women in magazines, on TV, in advertisements, on billboards, even in songs. Sometimes I irrationally feel as if he would rather listen to a song sung by a woman than by a man.

And when I say “looking at women on the street,” I don’t mean turning his head to stare at them — I would never accept that. I simply mean noticing them, interacting with them, or having any kind of contact with them.

This is a struggle I’ve been dealing with for years, and I truly want to escape from it, to feel free and normal again. I’ve tried different kinds of therapy, all of my partners knew about this issue, and I’ve also talked about it with several priests.

I genuinely wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It has destroyed all of my relationships, and it’s incredibly exhausting and frustrating not being able to truly enjoy your relationship.

And the hardest part is that I’ve always had loving partners who were deeply devoted to me, and despite that, I still keep wondering why I continue struggling with this. Maybe there are deep psychological blockages inside me that I kept feeding through negative thoughts until they grew stronger and stronger.

[ShySoul]

I'm sorry you struggle with this. I'm not a trained professional, so I'm sure you've probably heard anything I could say. But I do know you shouldn't have to struggle with those kinds of thoughts. As the saying goes, comparison is the thief of joy. I sometimes feel hurt just seeing people in relationships, wondering why I can't have that. It becomes a negative loop, reinforcing that terrible thoughts we have in our minds. The cycle is so difficult to break and so easy to fall back into.

I think we are always hardest on ourselves. So some of us internalize certain things that make us feel as if we aren't as good as others or as worthy. That insecurity causes us to be threatened by others and can result in jealousy and feelings of being inadequate. 

I wish I could get you to see you are great just as you are and feel more secure in yourself. I hope you love and accept yourself and realize that you don't need to look at anyone else. You are an amazing person and everything you need is already inside of you. Believe in yourself.

[Gebidozo]

You should definitely get a good therapist.

I used to struggle with jealousy but in a milder form. I feel that the extent of your jealousy is alarming and requires professional help.

For example, this…

 

6 hours ago, 25marz said:

when I say “looking at women on the street,” I don’t mean turning his head to stare at them — I would never accept that. I simply mean noticing them, interacting with them, or having any kind of contact with them.

…is, in my opinion, a sign of a deeply insecure, controlling mindset. There is nothing wrong with turning your head to look at a beautiful woman on the street, as long as you she isn’t bothered by that. Men do this all the time, it doesn’t mean that they are going to cheat.

[ShyViolet]

This is definitely more than just jealousy.  It sounds like some kind of obsession that is consuming your mind, a mental illness.  I know you said you have tried therapy, but maybe you've never found the right therapist.  Maybe you also should see a psychiatrist.  Maybe it's OCD or something like that.  

[25marz]

On 5/25/2026 at 8:38 PM, ShySoul said:

I'm sorry you struggle with this. I'm not a trained professional, so I'm sure you've probably heard anything I could say. But I do know you shouldn't have to struggle with those kinds of thoughts. As the saying goes, comparison is the thief of joy. I sometimes feel hurt just seeing people in relationships, wondering why I can't have that. It becomes a negative loop, reinforcing that terrible thoughts we have in our minds. The cycle is so difficult to break and so easy to fall back into.

I think we are always hardest on ourselves. So some of us internalize certain things that make us feel as if we aren't as good as others or as worthy. That insecurity causes us to be threatened by others and can result in jealousy and feelings of being inadequate. 

I wish I could get you to see you are great just as you are and feel more secure in yourself. I hope you love and accept yourself and realize that you don't need to look at anyone else. You are an amazing person and everything you need is already inside of you. Believe in yourself.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I was honestly very emotional reading what you wrote to me. I truly wish I could feel and believe all the things you said, so that I could finally change this inside of me.

I wish you all the best in the world : happiness, health, peace, and only beautiful things in your life. You deserve all the joy and kindness you give to others.

[25marz]

On 5/26/2026 at 2:07 AM, Gebidozo said:

You should definitely get a good therapist.

I used to struggle with jealousy but in a milder form. I feel that the extent of your jealousy is alarming and requires professional help.

For example, this…

 

…is, in my opinion, a sign of a deeply insecure, controlling mindset. There is nothing wrong with turning your head to look at a beautiful woman on the street, as long as you she isn’t bothered by that. Men do this all the time, it doesn’t mean that they are going to cheat.

Yes, I truly feel like my mind controls me sometimes. It feels stronger than me, and I also experience many negative sensations in my body because of it.  I appreciate your response. Thank you for taking the time to reply to me.

[25marz]

On 5/26/2026 at 3:34 AM, ShyViolet said:

This is definitely more than just jealousy.  It sounds like some kind of obsession that is consuming your mind, a mental illness.  I know you said you have tried therapy, but maybe you've never found the right therapist.  Maybe you also should see a psychiatrist.  Maybe it's OCD or something like that.  

I will try to look for someone more specialized in this area. Thank you for your response and for your time.