Thanks universe, impeccable timing as usual!

[WorldTraveler]

I've been struggling at a fork in the road for the last two months and now the universe has opened another door which has only complicated things further. Long story short I'm a 33 year single male and I've been going back and forth trying to decide whether or not to move out of my hometown since the start of the year. More or less looking for a change of scenery and more robust social experiences including romantic ones. Holding me back, keeping me in my hometown is my aging parents and close friend circle making it hard to fathom moving away from what I've known for so long. I've been given a job opportunity a state over and I'm in the process of signing a contract and sealing the deal. After committing to the move I've found anxiety and fear creeping up making me second guess things and trying now to back out. To complicate things further my friend wanted to set me up with her coworker. And while I was hesitant first because I was worried of it going well, I agreed to going on a date with her yesterday. And it went well....she seems like a great girl, pretty, smart, ambitious and we have a lot of things in common. We had another great date today and she seems like she is pretty into me. Problem is this new job is expecting me to sign the contract soon and I can't delay it much longer. I was upfront with her from the start and she still was willing to go on a date to get to know each other. We spent the entire night together and it ended with kissing/making out.

This all has been driving me nuts and I just find my mind going in circles now trying to digest everything. This job would be a great opportunity and I can't imagine declining a "for sure" job for the "potential" with a possible future partner. I worry if things didn't go well and it fizzles out and then I'm stuck without a job after backing out of this one which would likely lead me to a dark place. I have people telling me to take it day by day but I feel like there's no time to do that. It's like I either pick the girl/family/friends/home or I pick the job. Maybe its not that black and white but this is really make it hard to separate logic for emotion. God forbid this date was three months ago when I wasn't as seriously considering a new job. Why why why did it have occur now of all times. 

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, WorldTraveler said:

Why why why did it have occur now of all times. 

Who's to say if anything would have come of it three months ago, though? 

I think you are putting far too much weight on a couple dates that went well. It was a nice experience, yes, but it doesn't mean it's going anywhere. I would not let that dissuade you from moving forward with the offer. This woman also knew you were planning on moving and still agreed to see you. Either the prospect of distance doesn't bother her, or she doesn't really see potential for anything more serious anyway.

If you are worried about the offer for other reasons, that's one thing. But I would not include this woman among your reasons not to go. You barely know her. 

[Sony12]

The only time you should ever refuse a job because of a person you are interested in is if you two are really, really serious.

There is a very real possibility that things between you and this girl will flame out pretty quickly. There is a good chance this lady is just looking for some fun anyways if she is still willing to mess around with a guy who has been upfront with her that he is on the verge of moving away.

[ShyViolet]

You can't base major life decisions on a girl who you just met and have gone on 2 dates with.  That is beyond illogical.  Base this decision on the other factors, not on this girl.

[ShySoul]

You are making out like this has to be one or the other. Ever considered it could still be both?

The job is a state over, not a different country. Long distance might not be the most ideal situation, but it doesn't have to be a death sentence. My brother spent the first few months of his relationship with someone on opposite side of the country before she could move to where he was. They have been together 25 years. I was interested in someone once eight hours away on the opposite end of the state and we still made it work. I know married couples who for various reasons live apart in different cities. They make it work. We also live in an age where we can be in constant contact with each other. Phone calls, texts, video calls - you can still talk to her and even see her every day if you want. And you can make regular visits. That might also be good for the aging family that you are concerned about.

Ultimately the most important thing is to do what you think is best for you. It's not about a job or a relationship. It's about your own mental and emotional health. From the sound of things you seem to be wanting to make a change in your life, to experience something new. But the fear of letting go of what is known and comfortable is holding you back. That's understandable. The question you really need to ask is would you be okay with yourself if you stayed? Or would you feel you missed a chance to spread your wings and fly? Either way is fine as long as you are honest with yourself about what you truly want to do and accomplish in your life.

[WorldTraveler]

2 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

You can't base major life decisions on a girl who you just met and have gone on 2 dates with.  That is beyond illogical.  Base this decision on the other factors, not on this girl.

I can agree that it sounds insane. That's why I wish it happened months ago to allow me to formulate a better opinion and develop a possible foundation before being faced with such a major decision.

[WorldTraveler]

31 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

You are making out like this has to be one or the other. Ever considered it could still be both?

The job is a state over, not a different country. Long distance might not be the most ideal situation, but it doesn't have to be a death sentence. My brother spent the first few months of his relationship with someone on opposite side of the country before she could move to where he was. They have been together 25 years. I was interested in someone once eight hours away on the opposite end of the state and we still made it work. I know married couples who for various reasons live apart in different cities. They make it work. We also live in an age where we can be in constant contact with each other. Phone calls, texts, video calls - you can still talk to her and even see her every day if you want. And you can make regular visits. That might also be good for the aging family that you are concerned about.

Ultimately the most important thing is to do what you think is best for you. It's not about a job or a relationship. It's about your own mental and emotional health. From the sound of things you seem to be wanting to make a change in your life, to experience something new. But the fear of letting go of what is known and comfortable is holding you back. That's understandable. The question you really need to ask is would you be okay with yourself if you stayed? Or would you feel you missed a chance to spread your wings and fly? Either way is fine as long as you are honest with yourself about what you truly want to do and accomplish in your life.

I've thought about that yes and while not impossible, it wouldn't be ideal. But also I feel like the last missing piece in my life is a partner. And part of the reason why I've considered this job is to explore more opportunities while trying to find a partner in the process. So I sometimes view it like if this woman is supposed to be my partner (knowing that no one can obviously predict the future) then what's the point of moving and accepting this job when the most important things in my life (family, friends, etc.) are already here in my hometown? 

Unfortunately I've been in this position once before. Two years ago I was offered a job out of state and I ultimately declined it. And unfortunately I truly feel like sometimes I get so damn stuck in my head that I don't even know what it is that I'm truly looking for or what exactly is the thing that will make me happy. I know I'm the only one who can make a decision like this but sometimes I honestly feel like I don't know what's best for me which is a little scary.