rob50152 Posted May 23 Posted May 23 ive known this girl for over 50 years since we were kids. from then she has had a piece of my heart. over the last 40 years or so we have kept in contact but here lately we have been talking more regular. we planned for me to come see her in august so i bought my tickets, later that night the feeling ive always had for her finally burst and i told her that i have always loved her it was a pretty long text and no i wasnt drunk (i dont drink). she responded the next day after work wow that was alot! and i agree but it had to get off my chest. when she sent that i ask her to call me so we can talk. all i got later was a goodnight with a kiss emoji. so i keep sending good morning text, i know shes at work cause she works early and i wake up about 2 to 3 hours after shes at work so i dont expect a text back. this was 4 days ago when i told her. last night i ask if we were good about an hour later you replied yes. ive been waiting for her to call me but this anxiety is driving me nuts. im not going to apologize for how i feel. and yes we went a long time with out talking like 30 years doing our family things but every time we do talk a little spark lights in my heart and she's on my mind for days. anyway should i break down my offer for her to call me when she;s ready and just call her? or should i just keep it quite and ler soak it in. i still have my tickets for august
Author rob50152 Posted May 23 Author Posted May 23 i feel i have. i havent tried to call i did text her good morning knowing shes at work so i dont expect anything back and thats ok. i feel like i pour my heart out i lose and if i dont i lose. timing has never been my strong point.
ShyViolet Posted May 23 Posted May 23 If you poured your heart out and told her you have feelings for her, and she didn't say anything back, then you have your answer. That really says it all. It doesn't sound like she feels the same way. I think it's a bad idea for you to be flying to visit her. 1
flitzanu Posted May 24 Posted May 24 ^^ this. if she didn't respond with an emphatic "i feel the same way" it sounds like she doesn't. tread lightly.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 24 Posted May 24 On 5/23/2026 at 12:04 PM, rob50152 said: timing has never been my strong point. This isn't really a timing problem, though. She doesn't seem to feel the way you do, or she very likely would have indicated something to that effect. That's the main issue. Your timing is fairly inconsequential. On 5/23/2026 at 3:16 AM, rob50152 said: we planned for me to come see her in august so i bought my tickets I really don't think this is wise. Can you get a refund or credit? Exchange those tickets for some other trip, somewhere else? It is going to be a very awkward visit if you are in love with her and she just sees you as a friend (which appears to be the case)
Gebidozo Posted May 25 Posted May 25 If you tell a woman that you love her and she doesn’t say it back and even appears to feel uncomfortable, back off. I don’t see the point of visiting her if she doesn’t reciprocate your feelings.
ShySoul Posted May 25 Posted May 25 You've been friends for 50 years. You have stayed in contact for decades and been talking a lot recently. She said you were cool. Regardless of any romantic feelings, that kind of friendship is rare and not something likely to disappear. You should keep talking to her and should see in August. The friendship you've built is strong enough to endure and you would both be missing out on something incredible and a big part of your life if you back away now. Real friends can work through any awkward feelings and find a way to be okay with things. The point of your visit was never to start a relationship, it was to spend time with someone you enjoy being around. That doesn't have to change now. I've been able to remain friends with someone who didn't share my feelings for her. I've managed to take trips with her, stay in the same room as her. It doesn't have to be a reason to cancel plans and avoid contact. You also don't know her feelings until she says them. She might not feel the same. Or she might be processing. She might be afraid to change what she's known for 50 years. She might have mixed feelings and find it easier to avoid things than talk about them. The only one who knows what she is thinking is her. As some point you do need to talk about it. If you don't you will always feel the tension and uncertainty. You'll find yourself more disappointed in what happened. There is a clarity and peace of mind that comes from having a resolution and working it out together. Just as you feel good getting it off your chest, getting the other side will make both of you feel better in the long run. Wait until it's a calm time and you can have a nice, long talk. Don't text. Just be honest with her. Let her know you understand and respect whatever she feels. Let her know you don't want it to be uncomfortable and that the friendship isn't going to change. Tell her you are fine if she needs more time. But say that you just need to hear something. The only way to resolve these issues is by communicating with each other. You spent decades with feelings that messed with your mind. Now that it's out there, find that resolution and don't let thoughts and questions linger for even longer. 1
Author rob50152 Posted May 26 Author Posted May 26 were both from ohio with our kids there and have talked about moving back. so a few days later i ask her about both of us going together and shareing a house she agreed and liked the idea and i said august will tell us both if we go up as a couple or roommates. she even agreed on that one. so what the hell is the difference. when we met i was 16 and she was 11 so you know how that would look back then at that age a young man going after a child. even at 21 and 16 it wouldnd been right so we both went on to live our lives got married had kids and so on. and ive always carried feeling for her she has a piece of my heart from day one. we have been doing small text back and forth just good morning and goodnights. the other day i sent one saying i realize i thru alot at you the other night and your right it was alot and way to soon with august so far away. my timing has never been the greatest lol but i just wanted to be honest with you. im happy were still good. she responded in short she was tired its been super busy at work and i understand with the work she does, yes it was way to much im sorry. how the hell am i sposed to read that?
basil67 Posted May 26 Posted May 26 3 hours ago, rob50152 said: we have been doing small text back and forth just good morning and goodnights. the other day i sent one saying. i realize i thru alot at you the other night and your right it was alot and way to soon with august so far away. my timing has never been the greatest lol but i just wanted to be honest with you. im happy we're still good. she responded in short she was tired its been super busy at work and i understand with the work she does, yes it was way to much im sorry. how the hell am i sposed to read that? Truth be told, I'm struggling to read this. It's a running on sentence with little punctuation so and so I'm not sure who said what. But I think what happened is that you sent a message which was not only hard to read, but also you're back talking about big feelings again.....and she just thought "man, I'm too tired for this". I suggest you just back off and keep it light. Don't say anything about August. To add to this, you know how when you want to make a good impression, you put on nice clothes, made good conversation and make sure you're on time for the date? Well, if you're messaging, then spelling, grammar and punctuation is important if she's educated. Unfortunately, your messages are hard to read and you need to address your spelling, and this isn't going to help, particularly if she's tired. FWIW, my daughter used to 'next' guys who couldn't spell. The comment "your so pretty" would turn her off immediately.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 26 Posted May 26 (edited) 9 hours ago, rob50152 said: she responded in short she was tired its been super busy at work and i understand with the work she does, yes it was way to much im sorry. This is not clear - she said this? If so, then you need to forget about August and sharing a house together. She doesn't feel the way you do and going to visit her will be a waste of time and money. Edited May 26 by ExpatInItaly
Author rob50152 Posted May 26 Author Posted May 26 basil67 sorry im not a english major. i do my best to use all that stuff you talked about.
basil67 Posted May 26 Posted May 26 8 hours ago, rob50152 said: basil67 sorry im not a english major. i do my best to use all that stuff you talked about. Neither am I. I'm talking about English which was taught in grade school. Capitals, spelling and clarity
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