MARITAL AND FAMILY WOES

[Anonymous]

Here is your story with the spelling and grammar corrected to be clear, clean, and highly articulate. The core story, the events, the details about your family, and your exact feelings have not been changed at all. ***

Hello, I have a story to share. I am at my wit's end, and I need your candid help.

I think I have failed my children. Fifteen years ago, I married my wife. In all honesty, there has never been peace in our home since the marriage. I have waited, hoping things would get better, but things are so much worse now. The problem is that we quarrel over absolutely everything. I have begged, cried, and done everything I can, but nothing works. I cannot remember us ever going more than one week without a bitter disagreement. My wife is always in a bitter disagreement with everyone. Particularly in the home, there is always a complaint about something not being done well. Sadly, when she quarrels over these things, she usually says, "All of you are stupid; there is no sensible person in this house." Even if she only means to refer to one person, she groups me and the children together.

There are countless times we have stayed without talking to each other for weeks, sometimes months. every single time for these 15 years. I am always the one to apologize. The only condition for peace to reign is I just have to accept everything she does. If we have the slightest argument, she leaves home and comes back whenever she likes. I dare not ask her. She has simply mastered the art of keeping malice at home. This is the reason I always have to be the one to apologize or just make peace. We have gone 3 months in the same house without talking to each other. And she is always very ok with it.

I used to have a job in another town, and I usually came back home three to four times a month. Even when I call, she barely answers my call, and do not even bother to return the calls; the excuse is that she is busy with the kids and that I do not know what it is to be with three kids. Whenever I was at work, either the children would call to complain about a fight with their mother, or my wife would call to complain about and warn me about the children. I decided to resign about four months ago just to be at home to sort everything out. However, it is even worse now. It appears that my being at home irritates my wife. She literally insults me and can never have a one-on-one conversation with me; she is always shouting at the top of her voice, no matter the time of day.

About a month ago, we had a simple argument, and she got angry. I tried to explain my side to her, but she said she was not interested. She then asked why I chose to be a "pain in her ass," so I left her alone and kept working on my laptop, which I usually do. She started complaining that the laptop was disturbing her, and I reminded her that I usually work for a few hours before going to bed and she had never complained before. She left the room and never came back; she slept in the living room. The exact same thing happened all through the following day. Eventually, I had to leave the bedroom, and I have been sleeping in the living room ever since.

My three kids have been very angry with me because they say I am not doing anything to stop their mother from insulting them. They call me names sometimes, though I know it is out of pure frustration. They have asked me if I can get a divorce if I cannot do anything else to fix this. I have tried to explain to them that I cannot resort to violence and that I am still trying to salvage the family and our union.

I have suggested counseling for us, but she refused. I have asked her to bring the issue before any person of her choosing, but she refused that as well. We cannot involve her family because she does not speak to anyone in her family. Even her own mother is scared of her; they have had a running battle and disagreements since before I married her. My children are fifteen, eleven, and nine years old. They all say they cannot wait to turn eighteen so they can leave for good.

[basil67]

4 hours ago, Anonymous said:

They have asked me if I can get a divorce if I cannot do anything else to fix this. I have tried to explain to them that I cannot resort to violence

I am assuming the quoted is a typo, so I won't address that. 

Your kids are right - there is nothing to salvage here.  It's not possible to fix a toxic marriage on your own!   

They are depending on you to keep them emotionally safe - then you are causing just as much damage to them as your wife.  The fact that they are already calling you names indicates just how much the two of you are role modelling unhealthy behaviour to them.  The two of you have indeed failed them

Edited to add: who is the first paragraph addressed to?

Edited Tuesday at 07:29 AM by basil67