AnastasiaP Posted May 18 Posted May 18 Hello! I recently matched with a guy through dating apps, and we talked for a few days before eventually planning to go for a drink on Saturday evening. On Saturday morning, he texted me saying that something else had come up and that he wouldn’t be available for the date that evening. Since he was already out having coffee, he suggested that we go on the date afterward instead. He tried to justify it by saying that he works a lot during the week and only has weekends available to see his friends. I felt disrespected and told him that the change of plans he suggested didn’t work for me. He then said we could do it another time. I feel like maybe I should have been more bothered? How do you guys react in similar situations?
Sony12 Posted May 18 Posted May 18 (edited) Just say thanks for letting me know but I don't think our schedules will line up. It was actually nice that he told you about it beforehand and simply didn't stand you up or not tell you until just a few minutes before the date. A lot of people don't bother to let the other person know at all. Nothing wrong with how he handled it. Who knows if he was telling the truth or not but handled it fine on his end. Edited May 18 by Sony12 1
Author AnastasiaP Posted May 18 Author Posted May 18 Should I give this person a second chance or not? I felt disrespected when he told me.
Sony12 Posted May 18 Posted May 18 52 minutes ago, AnastasiaP said: Should I give this person a second chance or not? I felt disrespected when he told me. Only if you feel like it. The two of you haven't even met yet so neither of you are under any obligation to say anything more but 'thanks but I am not real interested in pursuing anything further'
stillafool Posted May 18 Posted May 18 1 hour ago, AnastasiaP said: Should I give this person a second chance or not? I felt disrespected when he told me. If you felt disrespected by him canceling why would you want to give him another chance? 1
Author AnastasiaP Posted May 18 Author Posted May 18 (edited) I'm asking whether I should give him another chance because I might have been harsh on my judgement. Edited May 18 by AnastasiaP
Gebidozo Posted May 19 Posted May 19 11 hours ago, AnastasiaP said: I felt disrespected Why? He politely told you he had to cancel the date and even suggested an alternative. If you think that is disrespectful, you better brace yourself if you want to continue dating. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 19 Posted May 19 On 5/18/2026 at 4:35 PM, AnastasiaP said: He tried to justify it by saying that he works a lot during the week and only has weekends available to see his friends. Wait, so was he cancelling on you so that he could hang out with friends later that evening instead?
FredEire Posted May 19 Posted May 19 I understand the annoyance, if someone told me (as has also happened to me in the past) that actually some party etc came up that sounds cool and they don't want to keep the plan but give me their garbage time whenever they can fit me in, it would make me think the date was a bit of an afterthought all along. You dont have to get mad or give it much energy though, you can just tell him you can't make it on such short notice and leave things there.
Sanch62 Posted May 20 Posted May 20 When someone hasn't ever even met me, I don't take them personally. They don't know me well enough for insult. I don't consider a first meet to be a date. It's two strangers grabbing a quick drink or a coffee to check one another out. So if either needs to shift the time, what's the big deal? I don't want to reserve a whole night to 'date' a stranger. I want to spend a few painless minutes to see if we click. If so, we can make a real date. Otherwise, I'm off the hook to go play. I'd consider taking this process less seriously, and you might find it easier. I understand I speak only for myself on this, but I can tell you I started enjoying it much more when I took all the weight off it. Most people are NOT our match. That's natural odds. If you remove expectations and perfectionism, you open yourself to the rare possibility that someone could 'wOw' you. Short of that, just enjoy giving strangers a break the same way you'd like them to give you one. It's no skin off your back. Head high. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted May 20 Posted May 20 Totally depends on how convincing they are in saying they DO want to see me. If it feels the slightest bit dismissive, I wouldn't go. Now, I will say that the dividing line for me is usually whether or not the person immediately offers a new time to meet. This person did that, but I still see how you may have felt dismissed or disrespected. The people who don't want to really see us typically do NOT offer substitute times if they have to suddenly cancel. That's my experience. And that's true for me too when I cancel on someone at the last minute. 1
FredEire Posted May 20 Posted May 20 37 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Totally depends on how convincing they are in saying they DO want to see me. If it feels the slightest bit dismissive, I wouldn't go. Now, I will say that the dividing line for me is usually whether or not the person immediately offers a new time to meet. This person did that, but I still see how you may have felt dismissed or disrespected. The people who don't want to really see us typically do NOT offer substitute times if they have to suddenly cancel. That's my experience. And that's true for me too when I cancel on someone at the last minute. Yep, I like the 2 strike rule as well. Rescheduling happens sometimes when life gets in the way, if you reschedule and it happens twice in a row they probably don't feel too strongly about meeting. If they try to reschedule again Id usually just politely say we aren't on the same page and move on. 1
smackie9 Posted May 24 Posted May 24 (edited) If they are regretful, cancel at a decent time, not last minute, and suggest to set up an alternative date and time....then I see them being respectful and still show interest. When a man handles things like a gentleman he's worth a second shot. Me personally first impressions count. I dated a lot in my day...all kinds of men, different ages, backgrounds. those who made the upmost effort to show up well dressed, looking good, smelling good, have their car all washed and clean, open doors for me, treat me like a lady putting their best foot forward....they end up being someone decent to date/have a relationship with. I understand men are hard pressed to make effort like that...I feel for all those that struggle and I count my blessings that I am still married. Men are not what they used to be from what I have been told from my single friends. It's quite sad. Edited May 24 by smackie9
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