Unexpected Pregnancy and neither of us are taking it well

[ungabunga287]

My wife was feeling off for longer than a usual stomach bug - feeling woozy, lightheaded at times, and generally in her own words "icky". Something a friend of hers said at a graduation dinner a few days ago made her decide to take a pregnancy test (two actually) two days ago. They both ended up being positive. 

We were not expecting this at all. We've been together since high school, and have been married for 5 years. We have sex without protection, but a year or two back her primary care doctor told her it was unlikely she would be able to get pregnant. We figured that was that since she has always had horribly debilitating pain during her period and it was so finicky, we sort of wrote it off. The best part here is that we hadn't had sex in probably 1.5 months, mainly due to some lifestyle changes. 

When she told me, she was very clearly upset (she is/was in the middle of trying to join the air force) and definitely gave off the vibe that this isn't something she wants, at least right now. She loves children, we have nieces and nephews that she loves to spend time with and take care of. I don't really like kids in general - I don't hate them per se but I'm not really comfortable hanging around or taking care of them personally. 

She won't consider an abortion because she loves children and is deeply religious - aside from the fact that she had a rough upbringing which has led to really bad self-esteem issues and generally not focusing on herself or her own needs, foregoing them for others on a regular basis. I don't want to push the issue on her because I really love her and care about her and wouldn't ask her to do something she's not comfortable with. 

I've been going through it the last two days, thinking I ruined her life and that in our current situation we can't support a kid - I was laid off from my well paying job in March, and had to take a job that pays less than half of what I was getting previously due to switching industries. It's the first time I've ever been let go from a job, so it's really hurt my confidence. On top of that I feel like our relationship has always been skewed - I'm not a particularly nice or kind person. I have a short temper, I'm selfish and am generally more interested in doing what I want to do than what she wants to do. I don't do enough little things to surprise her and show my love for her. I'm not neglectful or absentee - I'll cook us dinner for date nights every other week, we spend time together watching movies or going for walks, and just talking showing each other stupid videos on the Internet. I just feel like my only real contribution was having a job that paid more than most people in my age bracket were getting paid, and enabling us to not necessarily worry too hard about money. My poor financial planning is now rearing it's ugly head - were in a small condo that won't properly accommodate a child, in an area that we don't really want, with bleak school and career outlooks,  and we have less than $2000 in total savings available to us so we can't exactly move in to a house right now ( I have bad credit to top it all off). I feel like a total loser. 

I feel like we're in way over our heads and I legitimately don't see how to make raising a child work right now. I've been visibly stressed and upset trying to figure this out to the point that I'm upsetting her, and she's been saying things to try and make *me* feel better like how we can consider abortion if I don't want it, but again - I have no intention of making her go that route. 

I haven't been able to sleep for more than an hour or eat anything of substance since she told me. Every time I look at her, despite her saying we'll figure it out, I keep seeing the moment of pure heartbreak I saw in her eyes when she told me and said that people/jobs won't look at her the same any more because she has a child.

What do I do? I don't want to ruin our relationship or the life of a child, but I feel like I'm at the bottom of a pit where I can't see the sun and have no way of climbing out.

[ShyViolet]

12 hours ago, ungabunga287 said:

she's been saying things to try and make *me* feel better like how we can consider abortion if I don't want it, but again - I have no intention of making her go that route. 

 

You can't "make" her go that route.... since it's her body, it's 100% her decision.  But the fact that she said she could consider abortion contradicts what you said earlier in the post, that she wouldn't consider it.  All you can do is have a very open and honest talk and lay out the facts, that you do not want a child, have no interest in it, and you know you wouldn't make a good father, coupled with the fact that you are not in a place financially or logistically to have a child.  She needs to look at all that and make her decision.

12 hours ago, ungabunga287 said:

We have sex without protection, but a year or two back her primary care doctor told her it was unlikely she would be able to get pregnant. We figured that was that

I'm sorry but what??  This is a bit reckless.  Considering how the both of you really don't want kids and are so unready for this, I'm not sure why you would rely on this very vague and uncertain statement from a primary doctor.