Should body count matter in serious relationships?

[ItsJolene]

I’ve seen a lot of mixed opinions about this lately, especially with modern dating and hookup culture becoming more common.Some people say the past shouldn’t matter at all if the person is loyal and serious now, while others believe a high body count can affect trust, compatibility, or long-term relationship values.Do you think body count matters in a serious relationship or marriage? Why or why not?At what point, if any, would it become a concern for you?

[Gebidozo]

 

5 hours ago, ItsJolene said:

others believe a high body count can affect trust, compatibility, or long-term relationship values.

There is neither causation nor any kind of a direct correlation between the amount of past sexual partners and trust, compatibility, or long-term relationship values.

 

5 hours ago, ItsJolene said:

Do you think body count matters in a serious relationship or marriage? Why or why not?

Personally, I’d be concerned about a partner with a very low body count. Judging from my own experience, there are high chances that it would indicate either a very low sex drive, absence of interest in sexuality (which would be incompatible with me) or, on the contrary, unfulfilled, repressed sexuality.

A woman with a higher body count, as long as it’s clear that she is currently seriously committed to me, is more likely to be a suitable partner for me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[ShySoul]

 

19 hours ago, ItsJolene said:

Do you think body count matters in a serious relationship or marriage? Why or why not? At what point, if any, would it become a concern for you?

The only way it matters is in terms of potential health risks. If a person's past is going to put my health in danger, I should know about it. Appropriate precautions should be taken.

Otherwise, we all have pasts. We don't know the circumstances or reasons for the behavior. We don't know what happened. Maybe they slept with a fair amount of people, but always inside of a relationship. Maybe those relationships ended because of tragedy or something the other people did. Should the individual be punished and viewed negatively because of that?

I don't want to get stuck in the past. I want to live in the moment with a person. As long as we are both honest with each other and loyal to each other going forward, that's what counts for me.

[ShySoul]

13 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Personally, I’d be concerned about a partner with a very low body count. Judging from my own experience, there are high chances that it would indicate either a very low sex drive, absence of interest in sexuality (which would be incompatible with me) or, on the contrary, unfulfilled, repressed sexuality.

As a male with a very low number - that being zero - I can say that it isn't necessarily a sign of a low sex drive or being repressed. It can be someone who values it so highly that they simply don't want to engage in it unless it is with the right person. They may simple have not found the right person that inspires the desire to do it, or only found someone on a rare occasion. I imagine they might also tend to be loyal and stay with their selected partner longer, so don't have the opportunity to grow the number very large.

Further, just because you don't have sex doesn't mean you haven't been sexual. There are plenty of things you can do that doesn't involve intercourse. Outercourse activities can be just as enjoyable. If someone is interested in that, don't think there is a low sex drive or that they are repressed, while keeping a low number.

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, ShySoul said:

As a male with a very low number - that being zero - I can say that it isn't necessarily a sign of a low sex drive or being repressed. It can be someone who values it so highly that they simply don't want to engage in it unless it is with the right person. They may simple have not found the right person that inspires the desire to do it, or only found someone on a rare occasion. I imagine they might also tend to be loyal and stay with their selected partner longer, so don't have the opportunity to grow the number very large.

I’m sure there are people like that as well, but my personal experience with women who had very low body counts has been different.

It’s not a moral judgment, it’s more of a matter of compatibility. In my opinion, it works better when the body count on both sides is comparable. A large disparity would definitely be concerning.

It’s also a matter of shared attitudes to sex, of course. For example, you think that waiting for the “right person” means valuing sex highly. But to me, for example, it would mean the opposite - that the person doesn’t value sex enough to enjoy it simply for the sensation, that it must be attached to a serious commitment for them to experience it.

 

4 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Further, just because you don't have sex doesn't mean you haven't been sexual. There are plenty of things you can do that doesn't involve intercourse. Outercourse activities can be just as enjoyable. If someone is interested in that, don't think there is a low sex drive or that they are repressed, while keeping a low number.

I obviously include any kind of sexual activity in the body count, not just traditional intercourse.

I don’t even understand why anyone would only include intercourse in the number - that would mean, for example, that all lesbians have body counts of zero… That just doesn’t make any sense at all.