Is This a Communication Problem or a Common Sense Problem?

[Ginlane]

I’d genuinely like some outside opinions on this because I honestly cannot tell whether I’m being unreasonable or whether this was a pretty obvious assumption to make.

I was repairing our bathroom sink using high-strength glue, and as part of the clean-up I used acetone to remove excess glue. I grabbed an old kitchen cleaning rag that was already pretty worn out and used it with the acetone. Afterwards, the rag was heavily contaminated with acetone residue.

When I finished, I left the rag together with the acetone tin, glue, and tools I’d been using. Importantly, I did not put the rag back near the kitchen sink where it originally came from. I moved the whole group of items together into a completely different area so it was obvious (to me, at least) that they were related to the repair work.

The next morning, my wife picked up the rag and put it into the washing machine with our normal clothes.

When I asked why she would do that, considering the rag was sitting right next to a tin of acetone and repair tools, she said it was my fault for not explicitly telling her the rag had acetone on it.

My view is that most people would naturally assume a rag sitting beside acetone, glue, and tools — especially while someone is in the middle of a repair job — had probably been used with those chemicals and should be treated cautiously.

Her view is that I shouldn’t expect people to make assumptions and that I should have specifically warned her.

What makes this frustrating to me is that situations like this happen fairly often, where I feel like very obvious conclusions or bits of common sense somehow aren’t being applied, and then I end up being told that I should have explained everything explicitly beforehand.

So I’m genuinely curious what other people think: was this an obvious/common-sense assumption to make, or should I really have specifically warned her?

[ShySoul]

Yes, it should be common sense that a pile clearly set aside for repairs should not be touched outside of the person directly working on those repairs. Or that they should not be touched while the project is still ongoing.

However, as I have learned over and over again, common sense is not that common.

People have a tendency to not think and just act. Thus it is best to just never assume. This is especially true if you have experienced this before. This wasn't a new thing you couldn't have foreseen. You knew you were dealing with someone who would just take it. So it would be wise to just make clear to not touch anything involved with the project and that you will handle it later. You shouldn't have to, but preemptively saying so isn't much and saves a lot of hassle in the future.

 

[basil67]

People do things without thinking, or when they are on auto pilot.  Have you never, ever done something without thinking it through?

[Sanch62]

I feel for you. I've moved into my elderly Mom's, and I can tell you that no fabric in the house is safe whenever she's doing a load of wash, and no glass or dish can be in use whenever she wants to run the dishwasher.

I'm here as a caregiver, so I take nothing for granted, and as tiring as it is, I'm explicit about every.single.thing. One tip: post-it notes tend to work well for us.

[Els]

It's such a small issue I don't think it's worth even arguing over. Just put a note next to it next time, or even better, tell her that you'll handle the laundry for items that you use.

[Sanch62]

7 hours ago, Els said:

It's such a small issue I don't think it's worth even arguing over. 

I think this nails it. Decide how upsetting this ‘must’ be for you. Find something good between you that can shrink this down to a minor bump in the road. If you find that difficult, then this isn’t about laundry, it’s something deeper.

Edited yesterday at 05:56 AM by Sanch62