Apology and reconciliation

[Anonymous]

Hi. I need advice and possible feedback on my next move. Starting February I’ve been talking to 2 girls. By March my ex girl asked that we be friends and I  agreed. I started liking one of the girls I was talking to more than the other so I asked her to be exclusive and left the other but before that I had an unfortunate night that i ended up sleeping over on my ex girlfriend’s couch that night and we platonically kept chatting for a while but I never told the girl I asked to be exclusive about it and each time I refere to my ex to her I would use her real name but not her title so she doesn’t know it’s my ex. I later cut ties with my ex and deleted her contact and texts cos she over stepped boundaries and attempted a romantic act. The girl I’m exclusive with later discovered the deleted texts and went mute on me cos she said I cheated and lied to her.  Should I apologize and if so did I cheat?  do you think reconciliation is hopeless ?

[Gebidozo]

How did this girl discovered your deleted texts? Why would you let her do that?

Your correspondence with other people is none of her business.

You didn’t cheat. I wouldn’t be together with a girlfriend who checks my texts and says I lie to her when I don’t.

[Carlston]

I think you dodged a bullet.

 

 

[ShySoul]

You slept on the ex's couch. You talked as friends. That isn't cheating and it isn't wrong. My brother still is friends with a women he divorced over 20 years ago. There is nothing wrong with being friends with an ex. And as soon as the ex starting crossing boundaries you weren't comfortable with, you broke things off.

While it wasn't cheating, you probably could have been more honest. Hiding the truth or not giving full information often comes back to bite us.

I believe reconciling is possible, provided both of you are willing to apologize and start fresh. You would need to promise to not hide things like that from her. And she needs to know it's not okay to be going through your stuff. If you are both willing to do that, things could still be possible.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 5/9/2026 at 2:30 PM, Anonymous said:

The girl I’m exclusive with later discovered the deleted texts and went mute on me cos she said I cheated and lied to her.  

You lied by omission by not being honest about your ex still being in your life. You made a deliberate choice to conceal this by calling her only by name but not revealing who she was to you. That does not establish trust and you knew that. While I don't see that you cheated, I also would not continue to date a man who is not transparent about being friends with an ex and hid that from me to the extent that you did.  

Also, what happened here?:

On 5/9/2026 at 2:30 PM, Anonymous said:

cut ties with my ex and deleted her contact and texts cos she over stepped boundaries and attempted a romantic act.

 

[Nathan09]

@ExpatInItaly

I took accountability of it. When she first asked me about it I reacted defensively in a sense that I didn’t cheat “physically “ which I didn’t I  but failed to realize that the issue was not about cheating anymore but damaged trust. I didn’t deliberately omit or hide the massages from her. Had my ex not gone out of line and looked like someone staying in my life I would have told her about my ex and I trying to be friends but I thought since that attempt didn’t happen (lasted for about 3 weeks) there was no need to tell her about it and we became exclusive the same week I called things off with the ex. 

[Gebidozo]

8 minutes ago, Nathan09 said:

@ExpatInItaly

I took accountability of it. When she first asked me about it I reacted defensively in a sense that I didn’t cheat “physically “ which I didn’t I  but failed to realize that the issue was not about cheating anymore but damaged trust. I didn’t deliberately omit or hide the massages from her. Had my ex not gone out of line and looked like someone staying in my life I would have told her about my ex and I trying to be friends but I thought since that attempt didn’t happen (lasted for about 3 weeks) there was no need to tell her about it and we became exclusive the same week I called things off with the ex. 

It’s always better to tell everything. Just remember that for the future.

That said, I think the main issue here is that your girlfriend overreacted, accusing you of cheating. 

[ShySoul]

11 hours ago, Nathan09 said:

@ExpatInItaly

I took accountability of it. When she first asked me about it I reacted defensively in a sense that I didn’t cheat “physically “ which I didn’t I  but failed to realize that the issue was not about cheating anymore but damaged trust. I didn’t deliberately omit or hide the massages from her. Had my ex not gone out of line and looked like someone staying in my life I would have told her about my ex and I trying to be friends but I thought since that attempt didn’t happen (lasted for about 3 weeks) there was no need to tell her about it and we became exclusive the same week I called things off with the ex. 

The damaged trust is usually the sticking point. It's best to be honest and come out and say everything. Even if you have good intentions or it's an honest mistake, that's not how it appears to others, particularly those who are dealing with feelings of shock or betrayal by some discovery. 

I'm also curious if your girlfriend has had prior experience with someone cheating? That might have made her more sensitive and explain the overreaction. In that case, you'd need to be able to reassure her and be extra careful to not keep secrets in the future.

[Sanch62]

12 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

I think the main issue here is that your girlfriend overreacted, accusing you of cheating. 

Yep. Why and how was she doing forensics on your old texts? That's not healthy.