34 and never dated in my life

[waldglory]

So my story is very sad, basically never dated in my life and think dating seems impossible to me.

I'm 6ft tall, very muscular from lifting weights all my life, 34 years old with 7 inch penis and 6 inch penis girth (so 97% percentile for penis size).

Objectively I'm above average attractiveness, according to AI it rated me around 8/10. 

I'm not white though, I'm brown and I'm only attracted to white women sexually. From early age of 18 I got into habit of seeing escorts.

It started out of curiosity and it became a long term habit for 16 years. Basically seems like I avoided dating all my life and was in the habit of seeing escorts.

I think exposure to porn from early age of 8 caused me to subconsciously view women through a sexual lens predominantly and obviously long term exposure to escorts probably added more fuel to this type of objectification.

At school and university I never interacted with girls and missed opportunities all my life. I work from home so have hardly any social contact.

Online dating doesn't really work for me I believe due to my race and only being attracted to white women. I personally think online dating is not a good idea for men unless you like a prime brad Pitt or Henry Cavill.

According to AI it rated brad Pitt and Henry Cavill in the 9.5-9.6 range for overall attractiveness physically (face, height, body) in their prime. 

I just think many years of isolation and exposure to just escorts has damaged my mental health a lot and I have no idea how to go about even attempting to date the women I'm attracted to. 

I have a lot of resentment when I see couples in real life and many times the man may not be as physically attractive as me or masculine looking which causes me further rage and hatred. 

At the moment I'm aiming to just further my finances over the next 4-5 years. I will try and interact in person with women when I can and I see an opportunity.

Initially just try to talk to them normally and then later flirt once they are comfortable. I deeply regret being involved with escorts for so many years.

It became a crutch that also led me to associate money with sex and also sex as something which should happen instantaneously as when you see an escort the sex happens straight away.

With normal women though this type of belief that sex should happen straight away could cause you to be overly sexual too early in conversations or come across as too intense. 

Overall it is very sad especially as I am above average height and physical attractiveness but just feel like dating is an impossibility for me and that I've been excluded from ever dating. 

[Gebidozo]

Obviously your mindset reveals several red flags that would instantly repel any normal woman, such as defining yourself primarily by your penis size and your “attractiveness level” as judged by the AI.

Your escort-laden past is not the problem, per se, it’s your inability to disengage from it and the way you let it shape your current mentality. Obviously, if you treat a prospective date as you would an escort it will come across as very creepy and repulsive.

If I were you, however, the first thing I’d address would be this:

 

1 hour ago, waldglory said:

I have a lot of resentment when I see couples in real life and many times the man may not be as physically attractive as me or masculine looking which causes me further rage and hatred. 

You must understand that you can’t be dating anyone before you get rid of such intensely negative emotions. I’m not a woman and I don’t know you in real life, but even reading that makes me feel uncomfortable. Even if you don’t explicitly state that in your conversations with women, they can certainly feel that you possess such dark and disturbing feelings. 

[basil67]

3 hours ago, waldglory said:

At school and university I never interacted with girls and missed opportunities all my life. I work from home so have hardly any social contact.

You've already identified that your looks aren't the problem, so this lack of socialising with girls and women would have hindered your development of social skills.  Or did you already have poor social skills and as a result had no interest in having female friends?

I doubt that seeing sex workers gave you mental health issues....rather, the mental health issues may be the root cause of your problems.  I'm not sure the relevance of your penis size, but your discussions of it do not reflect poorly on you.

To bust your ideas about attraction, body size, race and OLD:  my daughter is white, and her fiance is Asian. They met on OLD and she's taller than him.  So they sound the kind of couple you hold rage and hatred towards.  Thing is though, they are just a couple of nice young people who are in love.  I assume you realise that this rage is simply jealousy and resentment?  Do you also realise that this kind of attitude will turn a woman off immediately?

Are you seeing a therapist?   Do you have any diagnosis?  You need help.

Edited May 6 by basil67

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, waldglory said:

I've been excluded from ever dating

It sounds like you have excluded yourself from dating, as I don't see where you have really tried. By your own admission, you have relied on sex workers for companionship and sexual gratification your whole adult life and you don't get out and meet people now. I'm not sure how you have therefore arrived at the conclusion that anyone has excluded you. 

3 hours ago, waldglory said:

I have a lot of resentment when I see couples in real life and many times the man may not be as physically attractive as me or masculine looking which causes me further rage and hatred.

You absolutely need to address this before you even attempt to date, though. This is not normal and this mindset and negativity will prevent you from being able to form healthy attachments to women. 

I will echo basil and ask if you are in therapy. If not, I would urge you to do so. WIthout that and sorting out your mental health, dating is unlikley to go well. 

Edited May 6 by ExpatInItaly

[waldglory]

I did try therapy for a short period but didn't find it useful.

I did ask chat gpt for some guidance on this and it said I need a social normalisation period of just talking to women.

An issue that arose from early exposure to porn is it resulted in voyeurism and objectification. At school instead of talking to girls I would perv on them. Also taking candid videos in public of girls ass.

I developed some sexual deviancy from my early experiences. So it said to stop this type of objectification and just see women as individual people with different personalities and not just body parts.

With men though I make connections easily as I have lots of masculine traits so they look up to me. Can also be underlying misogyny that caused me to subconsciously view women differently.

I score high in misogyny, narcissism, sociopathy and psychopathy. Having said that there are many people with dark triad traits that have no issue dating.

Part of problem as well is I'm now 34 so feel I missed out really on dating. Will be too old when I do date and I'm also only attracted to younger women say 20-33 years old.

 

[basil67]

11 hours ago, waldglory said:

I score high in misogyny, narcissism, sociopathy and psychopathy. 

Between comment, your upskirting of girls in your past, and how the second line of your first post was about your penis size, I would say that you're currently undatable.   Really, truly undateable.  The women are getting your vibes and staying away.

I think that you need specialised therapy, a psychiatrist and real desire to change.

[waldglory]

56 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Between comment, your upskirting of girls in your past, and how the second line of your first post was about your penis size, I would say that you're currently undatable.   Really, truly undateable.  The women are getting your vibes and staying away.

I think that you need specialised therapy, a psychiatrist and real desire to change.

I never upskirted. I agree I am making changes now to more healthier outlook. Years of isolation and reliance on escorts can damage mental health a lot and is hard to overcome. 

[Gebidozo]

12 hours ago, waldglory said:

I score high in misogyny, narcissism, sociopathy and psychopathy. Having said that there are many people with dark triad traits that have no issue dating.

Err… no. You shouldn’t even be thinking of dating at the moment. Please stay away from women and get a good psychologist to help you.

 

12 hours ago, waldglory said:

With men though I make connections easily as I have lots of masculine traits so they look up to me.

Not a single thing you described about yourself so far sounds truly masculine. You definitely need therapy.

I also have the feeling that you’re hanging with the wrong crowd, because no normal man I know would ever look up to a misogynistic person.

[waldglory]

46 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Err… no. You shouldn’t even be thinking of dating at the moment. Please stay away from women and get a good psychologist to help you.

 

Not a single thing you described about yourself so far sounds truly masculine. You definitely need therapy.

I also have the feeling that you’re hanging with the wrong crowd, because no normal man I know would ever look up to a misogynistic person.

No one knows people are misogynyists if you hide it well. Loads of men in abusive relationships where they turn on charm early and then they abuse women later. 

I am capable of this as well, I just avoid socialising but I'm pretty sure I can do this as well.

Lots of women are actually attracted to dark traits in men. This is why so many get caught out dating narcissistic men. 

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, waldglory said:

No one knows people are misogynyists if you hide it well.

First of all: of course they know. Do you think women are idiots? They sense this kind of stuff from a mile away.

Second: you aren’t hiding this well at all. Even your forum texts here are creepy.

Third: suppose you do manage to hide your misogyny so well that you deceive and mislead women into dating you. Do you really think that will result in a healthy, long-term relationship? Sooner or later your true face will be revealed, and at that moment the woman will be gone.

Fourth: let’s say you somehow pull it off. Do you honestly want to have a relationship based on such a horrible lie? What would you possibly expect from it?

Your immaturity is astounding. Please get therapy.

[SurfCity]

Why don't you start with quitting porn and not seeing prostitutes? If you can manage that (which it's very unlikely you'll be able to do) you'll be able to begin de-programming your brain. 

Were you diagnosed as a sociopath by a doctor or did AI or an online quiz tell you that? 

[MsJayne]

Many women are attracted to men of colour so you're wrong about that. I suggest you get on dating sites, you should have no trouble attracting women as you sound quite pleased with yourself outside of your history with women, and start meeting women with no intention of sleeping with them. Just meet them and talk to them, ask then questions, (not questions loaded with sexual innuendo), and learn to listen to the answers, and hopefully you may start to develop different attitudes and perceive women as people rather than as disposable objects. I agree with others, therapy is a good idea as a way of gaining insight in to why you have this anti-social attitude towards women. 

[waldglory]

2 hours ago, SurfCity said:

Why don't you start with quitting porn and not seeing prostitutes? If you can manage that (which it's very unlikely you'll be able to do) you'll be able to begin de-programming your brain. 

Were you diagnosed as a sociopath by a doctor or did AI or an online quiz tell you that? 

I am planning on massively reducing escort use moving forward. I don't really watch porn but watch sexualised videos sometimes so nowhere near as intense as porn. 

All I'm saying as well is technically there is a woman for everyone. Some women attracted to serial killers for example. 

Just have to desexualise the brain and make normal interaction with women more common , continue focusing on my financial and career goals as well moving forward.

 

[Carlston]

12 hours ago, waldglory said:

  Years of isolation and reliance on escorts can damage mental health a lot and is hard to overcome. 

Damaged mental health can result in isolation and reliance on escorts and is hard to overcome.

[ShySoul]

On 5/6/2026 at 3:22 AM, waldglory said:

Part of problem as well is I'm now 34 so feel I missed out really on dating. Will be too old when I do date and I'm also only attracted to younger women say 20-33 years old.

I'm older. I've never dated. I don't feel I missed out on anything. Dating is not a requirement in life. You can be happy and fulfilled just fine. 

There are also people much older then you dating and having relationships. There are people older than you having first relationships. My mother in her 70s had a relationship. Age is not what matters, it's mutually connecting with someone and showing each other love and respect.

While porn and escorts haven't helped, their is a larger issue that you still need to work on. You are placing importance on the wrong aspects. Your post starts off talking about your penis size, build, and supposed physical attractiveness. You are using things like race to determine who is attractive. You are placing the importance on all the physical aspects instead of on the emotional. 

You get jealous of men you don't think are as physically attractive as you and wonder why they have someone and you don't. It's because appearance isn't what makes a relationship or what is truly attractive. People, and in particular women, are attracted to compassion, kindness, honesty, being trustworthy, loyal, people who show respect. Someone can have stereotyped good looks but if their attitude is bad, people won't like them. On the other hand someone with average looks (whatever that even means) can be seen as very attractive because of the person they are. I have been told by women that they were attracted to me not from my looks but from the kindness I showed others. 

The issue you should focus on isn't dating or relationships. It should be evaluating your priorities and striving to become someone who can appreciate the inherent value, worth, and attractiveness in everyone. It should be less focus on looks/sex and more on just how to get along with and respect people for who they are. Doing that will eventually open up doors in the relationship area, once you've matured to a place where you can handle a real relationship.

[waldglory]

57 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

I'm older. I've never dated. I don't feel I missed out on anything. Dating is not a requirement in life. You can be happy and fulfilled just fine. 

There are also people much older then you dating and having relationships. There are people older than you having first relationships. My mother in her 70s had a relationship. Age is not what matters, it's mutually connecting with someone and showing each other love and respect.

While porn and escorts haven't helped, their is a larger issue that you still need to work on. You are placing importance on the wrong aspects. Your post starts off talking about your penis size, build, and supposed physical attractiveness. You are using things like race to determine who is attractive. You are placing the importance on all the physical aspects instead of on the emotional. 

You get jealous of men you don't think are as physically attractive as you and wonder why they have someone and you don't. It's because appearance isn't what makes a relationship or what is truly attractive. People, and in particular women, are attracted to compassion, kindness, honesty, being trustworthy, loyal, people who show respect. Someone can have stereotyped good looks but if their attitude is bad, people won't like them. On the other hand someone with average looks (whatever that even means) can be seen as very attractive because of the person they are. I have been told by women that they were attracted to me not from my looks but from the kindness I showed others. 

The issue you should focus on isn't dating or relationships. It should be evaluating your priorities and striving to become someone who can appreciate the inherent value, worth, and attractiveness in everyone. It should be less focus on looks/sex and more on just how to get along with and respect people for who they are. Doing that will eventually open up doors in the relationship area, once you've matured to a place where you can handle a real relationship.

Is true, I've read lots of books. Does say similar interests can help with making connections, showing you like the other person, etc. Think I've been antisocial for many years. 

I will start being social when I have can, I have goals though I want to achieve financially in the meantime . Maybe around 37-38 would be good time to get long term relationship. Though I'm only attracted to younger women so would have to find a younger woman say 20-33 years old.

 

In the meantime I can try just talking to girls when I see an opportunity when outside. 

[ExpatInItaly]

On 5/6/2026 at 12:22 PM, waldglory said:

I score high in misogyny, narcissism, sociopathy and psychopathy.

As assessed by whom or what, exactly? 

On 5/6/2026 at 12:22 PM, waldglory said:

Having said that there are many people with dark triad traits that have no issue dating.

Define " no issues."