I think she flirts with me even though she has a fiance

[InkyHeart]

I really need some advice about a situation at work , there is this woman that got hired a couple of months ago she is attractive , we followed eachother on instagram , she has some bikini photos and from the gym and we started talking about her favorite travel locations and the gym because gym is my main hobby , we talked about favorite exercises and nutrition

Anyway when i looked a little closer at her instagram account i saw photos with her and some guy ( i didnt notice at first because she has alot of pictures 150+ ) , it turns out that its her fiance , i backed off like any normal person would but she started getting closer

Constantly pressing her chest to my arm when we want to show eachother something on the phone or looking at a file , alot of times sitting close to me even though there is plenty of space , for example to day there were like 10 empty seats in the conference room but she sat right next to me

i was sitting on the chair and she wanted to show me some kind of phone accessory , with one hand she held her phone and the other one she put it on my thigh

We went to the gym together and she got a little cramp on her calf /ankle from the workout and i offered to massage her and she didnt mind

Maybe its all in my head but i think that she is flirting , she could also be just friendly because she is kinda close to other guys too , playfighting with them , joking around

What do you think ?

[Sony12]

She probably enjoys getting attention from men. Doesn't mean she wants to date them or get involved with them in anyway but enjoys getting looked at by them and what not.

I am sure if you asked her out or put some moves on her she wouldn't be open to it at all but looks and a little flirting is ok.

[InkyHeart]

12 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

She probably enjoys getting attention from men. Doesn't mean she wants to date them or get involved with them in anyway but enjoys getting looked at by them and what not.

I am sure if you asked her out or put some moves on her she wouldn't be open to it at all but looks and a little flirting is ok.

i was really thinking of asking her out  because i kinda gotten tired of just wondering what does she want , at least that way i would get a clear answer but i dont want to make a fool of myself either

[Sony12]

2 hours ago, InkyHeart said:

i was really thinking of asking her out  because i kinda gotten tired of just wondering what does she want , at least that way i would get a clear answer but i dont want to make a fool of myself either

I highly doubt she would respond very positively to you asking her out (especially if she makes it pretty clear on her social media platforms that she is involved with someone). A lot of young women just enjoy getting attention from men. If she is posting a lot of pics online of her in a bikini it's pretty obvious she wants people to check her out.

[Gebidozo]

I’m baffled by the amount of posts by guys stating that some woman might be flirting with them simply because she is friendly and has a playful demeanor.

Unless you’re living in the Sultanate of Brunei, you should understand that women can post bikini pics and get massaged without necessarily wanting to have sex with you.

I imagine that most women aren’t thrilled by men jumping into such conclusions.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, InkyHeart said:

i was really thinking of asking her out 

And how do you really think that would go? She isn't single. Do you think she's going to say yes and then eventually leave her finacé for you? 

You don't appear to realize that this rarely works out the way you seem to hope it will. Please don't waste your time on her. 

[Carlston]

12 hours ago, InkyHeart said:

i was really thinking of asking her out  

Yes great idea to ask out a woman who is engaged to be married to another guy.

Add this to your list of other great ideas I'm sure you've got lots of them. 

 

[introverted1]

Is this really the woman you want to date? Someone who is pressing her chest into another guy's arm or putting her hand on the guy's thigh while engaged to someone else? 

Raise your standards. 

[Sanch62]

On 5/3/2026 at 3:24 PM, InkyHeart said:

i was really thinking of asking her out  because i kinda gotten tired of just wondering what does she want , at least that way i would get a clear answer but i dont want to make a fool of myself either

Go ahead; see what she says.

[Carlston]

yes go for it, maybe you two will become such good friends that you can be in the wedding party

[FredEire]

15 hours ago, Carlston said:

yes go for it, maybe you two will become such good friends that you can be in the wedding party

Hahahahahaha

On 5/5/2026 at 4:48 PM, introverted1 said:

Is this really the woman you want to date? Someone who is pressing her chest into another guy's arm or putting her hand on the guy's thigh while engaged to someone else? 

Raise your standards. 

Yeah I'm very much of this mind too. I don't know why it's almost a fetish and a turn-on to some guys. I'm reminded of a friend of mine who was telling me how he met his gf, she had a bf at the time and basically she ended up cheating on him (kissing and holding hands but no sex at that point), at which point he told her "ditch this guy I know you want to be with me".

He seemed so proud of it like he'd got the girl and left this poor guy in the dust, but my internal reaction was wtf man, do you not think she's eventually going to do the same to you?? Shaky faithfulness is about as bad a starting point as you can get IMO, unless you're just after sex and facilitating an affair but I'd personally feel shady even getting into that.

As @Gebidozo and others said she is probably just being a bit show-offy, friendly-flirting type behaviour, but even if she did really want to cheat on her fiancée with you, why is a messy affair so appealing? I can only think it's a male fantasy of one-upping some bozo because you're a superior man or something, but in reality youre just ended up with a partner who's willing to ditch you when the next best thing comes along.

[Sanch62]

On 5/6/2026 at 6:46 PM, FredEire said:

I can only think it's a male fantasy of one-upping some bozo because you're a superior man or something, but in reality youre just ended up with a partner who's willing to ditch you when the next best thing comes along.

Yep. If she's capable of back-stabbing a guy she once loved, for whom she's secretly lost all respect, even while she still stays with him, then you might enjoy a victory for about 5 minutes before it occurs to you that now you will never know when she's secretly done with you, too.

It's really a sort-sighted way of positioning yourself badly.

ThInk.

[InkyHeart]

On 5/8/2026 at 6:13 PM, Sanch62 said:

Yep. If she's capable of back-stabbing a guy she once loved, for whom she's secretly lost all respect, even while she still stays with him, then you might enjoy a victory for about 5 minutes before it occurs to you that now you will never know when she's secretly done with you, too.

It's really a sort-sighted way of positioning yourself badly.

ThInk.

i wouldnt go as far as to say that she back stabbed her fiance , who knows what is going on between them

Edited Sunday at 09:25 AM by InkyHeart

[Sanch62]

On 5/10/2026 at 5:24 AM, InkyHeart said:

i wouldnt go as far as to say that she back stabbed her fiance , who knows what is going on between them

If you pursue her and she responds in a way that's disloyal to her partner, then that's the back-stabbing. If you choose to mess with that, then it's on you.

[FredEire]

4 minutes ago, Sanch62 said:

If you pursue her and she responds in a way that's disloyal to her partner, then that's the back-stabbing. If you choose to mess with that, then it's on you.

Correct, being friendly with people or even light banter flirting with someone outside your relationship isnt back stabbing in my book.

But what OP wants which is for her to choose him over her husband and either ditch him or start sleeping with him behind his back, definitely is.

[InkyHeart]

20 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

If you pursue her and she responds in a way that's disloyal to her partner, then that's the back-stabbing. If you choose to mess with that, then it's on you.

i understand , i thought that you meant that she already backstabbed him by behaving a certain way with me

[InkyHeart]

20 hours ago, FredEire said:

Correct, being friendly with people or even light banter flirting with someone outside your relationship isnt back stabbing in my book.

But what OP wants which is for her to choose him over her husband and either ditch him or start sleeping with him behind his back, definitely is.

i dont know what i want or how far things should go , i only know that im very attracted to her , not only her body but her personality also , whenever i see her my heart starts pounding

[FredEire]

6 minutes ago, InkyHeart said:

i dont know what i want or how far things should go , i only know that im very attracted to her , not only her body but her personality also , whenever i see her my heart starts pounding

You have to be careful with infatuation because it can take away all reason even when it's right in your face.

It's ok to have feelings, you cant help that. But you can also keep your feet on the ground and realise that pining after a married woman isnt likely to end well.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, InkyHeart said:

i only know that im very attracted to her , not only her body but her personality also

Including the part of her that thinks it's okay to get this cozy with another man? 

You won't enjoy that bit so much when it's no longer directed at you 

[FredEire]

51 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Including the part of her that thinks it's okay to get this cozy with another man? 

You won't enjoy that bit so much when it's no longer directed at you 

There's very few truer phrases than "love is blind".

[Sanch62]

On 5/12/2026 at 1:35 PM, InkyHeart said:

i dont know what i want or how far things should go , i only know that im very attracted to her , not only her body but her personality also , whenever i see her my heart starts pounding

It would be wise to consider that not everything is about you. When you have a wife, you’ll appreciate the same respectful consideration of your marriage by others.