is it normal for my family to get mad over me accepting natural consequences?

[AManWithoutOceanWater]

i’m the second oldest of four and i’ve noticed a trend in my family where whenever i mess up somehow and i just shrug off my mistake and accept the natural consequences of it, my older sister ordered my parents get oddly mad at me? it confuses me a lot to see that because 1. usually the consequences don’t affect them at all & 2. these consequences are like small in comparison to actual issues. 

a good example is that today, my dad called my sister and asked her if she wanted any drinks from Sonic. we occasionally do Sonic runs where we just usually get drinks so this isn’t new but we do it rarely. my sister asks me what i want and i said what drink i wanted. after a few minutes talking on the phone with my dad, she told me that we were also getting food and gave me her phone. thinking she’d already gotten my drink, i just order my food and give the phone back to her. we eventually go pick it up and when we get it, i immediately notice that my drink isn’t there but i just kind of nod it off and internally settle for water at home. as soon as we get home though, she passes out the drinks and notices that i dont have mine. she questions me and i say “oh, it’s okay i dont mind.” and for some reason, she gets frustrated and asks me why i didnt order my drink myself. i told her that i thought she ordered it by asking me what i wanted earlier but i also tell her that it’s okay. in my mind, it’s too late to go back and get a new drink and honestly just a waste of gas & money when i have already accepted the natural consequences of it all. she somehow gets even more frustrated and she walks away to give my parents their drinks. i tell her that she shouldn’t worry about it (considering that everyone else got theirs).

my main question is: what was HER issue with my acceptance of the problem? i may have been looking forward to my drink but it’s not the end of the world if i don’t have it. i didn’t blame her for my missing drink either, i just shrugged it off and she got upset. this happens more often than i would like to admit but my parents also do the same thing when i want to do something but plans change and i accept it easily. i often make sure everyone else is good before myself because in my mind, if everyone else is taken care of then they won’t need to bother me with any of their issues but when i face natural consequences for small things like these, it makes whoever seen it happen upset. is there some kind of explanation behind this, or maybe they’re overreacting?? i need to know other people’s opinion on this.

- A Man Without Ocean Water

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, AManWithoutOceanWater said:

what was HER issue with my acceptance of the problem?

I am confused. She didn't seem to have an issue. 

As I read it, all she did was ask why you didn't order your drink yourself. That's a pretty normal question when she realized you didn't have one. Then she went to give your parents their drinks. Unless you are leaving something out, I think you could be misinterpreting her reaction and assuming she was upset when she wasn't. 

 

[AManWithoutOceanWater]

Maybe I am leaving something out. For even more context, whenever my sister gets upset or frustrated with something, she usually walks away mind conversation with a “whatever.” She’s older than me but this isn’t the necessarily the first time where’s she reacted like this to something this small. I think she does it because she’s upset that I get semi-excited about something but as soon as it falls through, I just accept it immediately and don’t bother fix it. At least that’s what I think her reasoning is but my question is if it’s not a big deal to me when something falls through for me, then how is it a big deal to her when it doesn’t really affect her? 

But here’s how I remember the conversation if that helps:

———————————

[Just got home, in dining room as my sister checks drinks.]

Sister: Hey, where’s your drink? (Curious)

Me: Oh, I dunno. But it’s okay, I don’t really think it matters. (Shrugging)

Sister: Did you order it? (Still curious)

Me: I thought you did when you asked me what drink I wanted earlier, but it’s okay, I can just have water. (Still sort of shrugging, already accepted lack of ocean water while looking at her, now confused)

Sister: I handed you the phone! How come you didn’t check the bag? (Somewhat exasperated? This is where I got more confused because of her tone.)

Me: Well- I thought you handed to me to order my food since you were on the app earlier for a while getting my parents drinks, but it doesn’t really matter now, I’ve accepted it. (Me explaining my thought process & just coming to my conclusion.)

Sister: You should have checked! (Context: My family doesn’t like me looking at the prices of our fast food because I have a tendency to find a way to make things cheaper and thus they would just tell me to not check the cart/bag so I didn’t this time.)

Me: Well, I don’t mind It’s too late to go back, and at least you guys have your drinks. (Trying to look on the bright side.)

Sister: *sighs and walks away with parents drinks* Whatever…

———————————

I’m usually used to letting these things play out because I find it not worth the effort to go back and fix them most of the time (ex. missing drink, wrong temperature of steak, etc.) but also I hate wasting money or gas or anything on additional things so I usually don’t order drinks unless its cheaper to get a meal anyways and even then, I drink it almost immediately so that it doesn’t get watered down. I think I’m just looking for outsiders’ perspectives on how someone could be upset for another person’s mistake when the mistake itself doesn’t really affect anyone & the person themselves is ok with the consequences. That’s the part that confuses me the most.

The same thing happened when I was younger: my mom used to tell me to take showers via little comments because i would run around outside all day but as soon as I did, she would be upset that I took the shower immediately. Not that I had chores to do or homework to finish, but in my mind, she was telling me to take a shower and I did it because I quite literally had nothing else to do and she was probably right, but she would say things like “No one can say anything to you without you immediately fixing it.” which confused me and still confuses me now. 

Edited 4 hours ago by AManWithoutOceanWater
typo + additional context

[ExpatInItaly]

16 minutes ago, AManWithoutOceanWater said:

Context: My family doesn’t like me looking at the prices of our fast food because I have a tendency to find a way to make things cheaper and thus they would just tell me to not check the cart/bag so I didn’t this time

I don't understand this. What exactly do you do that they no longer want you checking the prices? 

I ask because I am sensing there is a lot more backstory and context to your relationship with your family. This is clearly not just about a missing drink or you accepting the consquences of that. 

Edited 3 hours ago by ExpatInItaly

[AManWithoutOceanWater]

I would apply deals or prefer to use fast food apps to find deals on food because I’m quite cautious with money and my part in spending it. I wouldn’t take off anyone else’s food but there have been times where I often reduce my own price in like group meals so that I don’t feel bad. I grew up a good portion of my childhood somewhat financially unstable, (not enough to get those food packs from elementary school but also there were still days where I decided to eat less in order for us to have more leftovers/food for my siblings). As far as I know, I’m not diagnosed with any eating disorders (as i’ve seen professionals before) but my family just gets annoyed with how I don’t like spending too much money and they get annoyed with my little sort of paranoia so they tell me to not look at how much things are. This is one of the times where I didn’t look at the cart at all, mostly because we were in the Sonic app & we were picking up our food so I felt better about the price due to not having to pay fees for DoorDash delivery or stuff like that. That and also we were passing the phone around to order food and I thought my sister had added my drink in there

Edited 3 hours ago by AManWithoutOceanWater
dorgot to add the drink detail because thats what i was originally asking about :(

[Carlston]

You may not be diagnosed with an eating disorder but I'd look into OCD.

 

 

[AManWithoutOceanWater]

If it helps in any context (though I’m unsure with what), I was officially diagnosed with depression and general anxiety disorder a couple of years ago. I’ve been in therapy for it for over two years but also everyone thinks I also have autism (like genuine autism spectrum) and by everyone I mean my family, and other mental health professionals such as my therapist.

[ExpatInItaly]

13 minutes ago, AManWithoutOceanWater said:

also everyone thinks I also have autism (like genuine autism spectrum) and by everyone I mean my family, and other mental health professionals such as my therapist.

Have you received a proper diagnosis? 

I asked certain questions before because I also wondered if there's an underlying condition. There seems to be a significant gap between how people interact with you and how you think they are feeling about you. 

Could I ask how old you are?