Anonymous Posted April 26 Posted April 26 I’ve been talking to someone for a few months now. We’ve had real connection—spent time together multiple dates (Local and international), physical closeness, opened up about personal stuff, and at one point things felt mutual and consistent. Recently, her situation got really heavy all at once (medical emergencies, family issues, problems ex , work stress) she is a medical professional a resident doctor. Since then, her energy dropped noticeably. She still replies when I message, her tone is still warm, and she shares small things about her day—but she doesn’t initiate anymore and conversations don’t really continue. There’s no clear rejection or cutoff, just low engagement and gaps. At the same time, she’s still somewhat active on social media. I’ve been trying to stay patient and not add pressure, but it’s starting to feel one-sided and uncertain. I’m not sure if this is just burnout/overwhelm on her end or if she’s slowly losing interest and just not saying it directly. How do you tell the difference between someone who’s overwhelmed vs. someone who’s fading out? And at what point do you stop waiting and step back?
ExpatInItaly Posted April 26 Posted April 26 Some questions to establish better context: How often do you meet in person? What are the problems wiht her ex? When is the next date planned? You said you have had international dates - what does this mean, that you two live in different countries and have traveled to each other?
Sanch62 Posted April 26 Posted April 26 15 hours ago, Anonymous said: Recently, her situation got really heavy all at once How recent? I'd pull back and give her time. If you stop compensating for her lack of input, she can choose to step up to fill the gap when she's ready, or she won't. If she does not, there isn't anything to say. If she does, then you'll know she's been through a temporary bump in the road. 1
Carlston Posted April 27 Posted April 27 14 hours ago, Sanch62 said: How recent? I'd pull back and give her time. ^This. Some call it "Sit on your hands". Find other things to focus on. If there's no commitment then start browsing the dating sites. Or spend more time with friends or on hobbies or whatever, just not on her and don't rent her too much space in your head thinking about what's going on. But do NOT do this as some sort of manipulative ploy, you know when you ignore someone thinking they will miss you and want you more. That never works.
Tia_minds Posted April 27 Posted April 27 Residency alone is brutal, and she's got a family medical emergency and an ex causing problems stacked on top of that. A lot of things collapsing at once. Survival mode, basically. I've gone quiet on people I actually cared about when I was in a version of that , nothing as extreme, but I work a beauty counter and there are shifts where I've been "on" for eight solid hours, warm and present for every single person who walks up. By the time I get home I have nothing left. Not because I stopped caring, just genuinely empty. Initiating anything feels impossible when you're like that. The warm tone when she does reply actually matters. If she'd checked out emotionally you'd feel it differently. What I'd try is instead of a check-in that asks her to update you on where she's at emotionally, send something that doesn't need a response at all. Just a "thinking of you, no need to reply" kind of thing. It takes the pressure off without you disappearing. That's hard to do when you're anxious about what's happening between you, but it probably gives her the most room to actually come back when she has something left to give.
Anonymous Posted April 28 Posted April 28 On 4/26/2026 at 1:40 PM, ExpatInItaly said: Some questions to establish better context: How often do you meet in person? What are the problems wiht her ex? When is the next date planned? You said you have had international dates - what does this mean, that you two live in different countries and have traveled to each other? We do meet atleast once a week before this all happened, I am unable to share such personal details. It was 3 weeks ago decided to cancel it coz of medical emergencies on her end. We have travelled together we both are from the same country but we are from different regions.
Anonymous Posted April 28 Posted April 28 On 4/27/2026 at 3:03 AM, Sanch62 said: How recent? Its been about 3-4 weeks at this point, but the total communication break down is like 1-2 weeks ago, at first she was still responsive and initiative now its been a few messages a day.
Anonymous Posted April 28 Posted April 28 16 hours ago, Tia_minds said: The warm tone when she does reply actually matters. If she'd checked out emotionally you'd feel it differently. What I'd try is instead of a check-in that asks her to update you on where she's at emotionally, send something that doesn't need a response at all. Just a "thinking of you, no need to reply" kind of thing. It takes the pressure off without you disappearing. That's hard to do when you're anxious about what's happening between you, but it probably gives her the most room to actually come back when she has something left to give. This is what i've been doing the past few days just a some minor touch points that dont require an actual response from her end. Just a simple goodmorning and reminders, i never really tried to open up about how shes feeling or where shes at emotionally since this happened. I dont want to add to her burden.
Carlston Posted April 28 Posted April 28 4 hours ago, Anonymous said: We do meet atleast once a week before this all happened, I am unable to share such personal details. It was 3 weeks ago decided to cancel it coz of medical emergencies on her end. We have travelled together we both are from the same country but we are from different regions. Well that's rather silly. You're posting on an anonymous forum under an anonymous user name to a bunch of random internet strangers trying to help you based on information you provide and you won't answer a simple question because it's too personal.
Anonymous Posted May 1 Posted May 1 On 4/28/2026 at 7:07 PM, Carlston said: Well that's rather silly. You're posting on an anonymous forum under an anonymous user name to a bunch of random internet strangers trying to help you based on information you provide and you won't answer a simple question because it's too personal. Fair enough, its something to do with her legal separations proceedings.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 1 Posted May 1 4 hours ago, Anonymous said: Fair enough, its something to do with her legal separations proceedings. Is she still living with her husband or something?
Anonymous Posted May 6 Posted May 6 On 5/1/2026 at 10:27 PM, ExpatInItaly said: Is she still living with her husband or something? Nope separated for 2 years now. (forgot to qoute)
ExpatInItaly Posted May 6 Posted May 6 3 hours ago, Anonymous said: Nope separated for 2 years now. (forgot to qoute) Right, so what does that have to do with how often you can meet?
Anonymous Posted May 9 Posted May 9 On 5/6/2026 at 12:08 PM, ExpatInItaly said: Right, so what does that have to do with how often you can meet? We havent met in a month now but i can meet her every weekend if she wants to meet, i just dont feel like she wants to meet i was there a week ago and got stood up, tho understandably she was swamped with work and life
ExpatInItaly Posted May 9 Posted May 9 2 hours ago, Anonymous said: i was there a week ago and got stood up, tho understandably she was swamped with work and life Someone who stands you up has no respect for you and not much interest in you. It's isn't because they're just that busy. It's time to realize that she is letting this fizzle.
Anonymous Posted May 9 Posted May 9 5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Someone who stands you up has no respect for you and not much interest in you. It's isn't because they're just that busy. It's time to realize that she is letting this fizzle. I mean she did tell me before hand that she is absolutely swamped with things, it wasnt really a planned date or whatever i just happened to be in the area for some business trip.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 9 Posted May 9 3 hours ago, Anonymous said: I mean she did tell me before hand that she is absolutely swamped with things, it wasnt really a planned date or whatever i just happened to be in the area for some business trip. So you were not stood up. Why describe it that way? Anyway, I don't think it changes the bottom line. She doesn't sound interested in the relationship anymore. I would start letting go.
Recommended Posts