Hurting and maybe ghosted?

[Yorkiboy]

Ive been with my gf for almost 3 years, both in our 40s too, our relationship has been amazing tbh, never had1 single argument, had 2 holidays abroad, 1 which was very recent.

Due to us living over an hour apart and both working alot we didnt see each other as much as we would like, but we made it work, we had 2 to 3 phone calls per day, literally, for all the time we have been together.

We got back off our holiday abroad around 6 weeks ago, it was amazing, i booked our 3rd too, which we was both excited about, anyway, for the next 3 weeks we spoke on the phone daily, everything mormal, as always, until 3 weeks ago, she rang as normal, our chat was normal, and her last words were 'ill ring u later, love you'.. Thats the last time ive heard her voice.

Over the next week id text her a couple of times, stating im worried etc, she eventually got back to me saying she was overwhelmed, shut down, no time for anything or anyone, i text back but i never got a reply. A week later i text her again, thanking her for an amazing 3 years, but its too much for me, so can she say if she wants to be with me or not, i basically got the same reply, overwhelmed, shutdown etc, this happened before too and lasted 3 days, i text back asking if she loves me, but no reply.

So 2 days ago i text again just saying i accept you dont want to be with me, i do love you and you know where i am, ive had no reply She hasnt removed me off any social medias or anything and does repost videos about shutting down and needs to be in silence. As i know her, this just isnt like her at all, i believe she would tell me if she wanted to end it, not ignore and ghost me.

She does have a very hectic life at home, a controlling abusive ex wbo she was with for 20 years, we got together a year after she left him, he still controlls her too as they have kids together, she has a very demamding job, and is living back at her mothers which is not good.

Im just so hurt and lost, 6 weeks ago we was holding hands and going out for meals on our holiday, and her last words were 'i love you'.. I think i just need advice

[Carlston]

19 minutes ago, Yorkiboy said:

So 2 days ago i text again just saying i accept you dont want to be with me, i do love you and you know where i am, ive had no reply

This is where it got cringeworthy.

Just stop.

 

[Yorkiboy]

Just now, Carlston said:

This is where it got cringeworthy.

Just stop.

 

I have, i wont message again

[Carlston]

Good. There will be tough moments. You may convince yourself you "only want the answers you deserve".

 

[Yorkiboy]

1 minute ago, Carlston said:

Good. There will be tough moments. You may convince yourself you "only want the answers you deserve".

 

Its really tough as there were zero signs of anything,  im just hurting so bad and confused, ive no clue where i or we stand, if she is in a bad place or ghosting me,  but i said my peace, ive deleted her number and all socials off my phone too, just, 3 years, gone, out of nowhere

[Carlston]

I suggest you come up with 3 acceptable reasons and figure it's one of those and start the slow process of moving ahead without her.

Here's a few to help get you started

1- She's got mental problems and it's obliterating any sense of rational thought and the pressure of a relationship, any relationship is too much to bear

2- She met another guy. It was sudden, unexpected but there he was and there you weren't

3- I can't think of a 3

[Yorkiboy]

1 minute ago, Carlston said:

I suggest you come up with 3 acceptable reasons and figure it's one of those and start the slow process of moving ahead without her.

Here's a few to help get you started

1- She's got mental problems and it's obliterating any sense of rational thought and the pressure of a relationship, any relationship is too much to bear

2- She met another guy. It was sudden, unexpected but there he was and there you weren't

3- I can't think of a 3

Ive thought of many reasons lol,  the only 1 thats sticking is the silence makes me thinks she doesnt wanna to be with me, regardless of why,  and theres nothing i can do about it

[Carlston]

That's good, you're already at the regardless part and that's rapid progress.

 

[Yorkiboy]

Just now, Carlston said:

That's good, you're already at the regardless part and that's rapid progress.

 

Doesnt stop the hurt though lol, i think the pain is more of the fact that everything seemed normal so im just confused, but in my head it feels like she doesnt wanna be with me, hence why ive deleted everything and moved all her stuff, ive got lots of her clothes, passport,, and oyr holiday thats booked im not going to cancel it yet, i need a clear head

[Carlston]

Don't make any major decisions right away that don't have to be made.

Let cool heads prevail.

 

[Carlston]

If it was me here's what I'd be doing:

As you have already started, put all her stuff together in one out of the way place in preparation for eventually returning it but don't actually make plans to return it to her quite yet. Leave the burden to her, at least for now. 

Check cancelation rules for your impending holiday and think about going yourself especially if you've taken time off of work, and you can't get a refund. It might be just what you need.

Spend some time at a gym you'd be amazed at what a good workout can do for your mental state and any anxiety you might be experiencing. 

If you're focusing on the "whys" then try to focus on other things rather than the circular non productive reasoning that naturally tends to happen in such situations.