I had a falling out with the man I’m dating, should I try to fix things

[Anonymous]

I (25 f) , have been on dating apps for a few months. I met a guy 32, on dating apps and we’ve been seeing eachother for about 3 weeks. He’s been the first guy in a while I’ve seen potential in.

We’ve been out a few times, I like him, we have good conversations. He’s hardworking, forward thinking , confident, open , honest and funny. He picks me up in his car, always opens the door for me, always insists on paying. He’s currently renovating his house and even spoke about me potentially moving in in future. He’s moving quick but I believe his intentions are honourable.

One thing that’s bothered me is his bedroom performance. We did things on our 4th date, and it was fine. Next time we did things, he kept going soft, performance wasn’t great- not judging him though.

He has told me he has phimosis , and is getting circumcised abroad later this month. We've had a bit of a falling out and I don’t  even know whether he’ll even speak to me again after this.

Basically , he hasn’t been to see the specialist doctor yet about this, he is going abroad to get the surgery done. He’s had a few traumatic things happen in his past e.g see his sister get abused sexually by his dad, and also once had a bad injury down there which apparently caused a painful bubble on his foreskin which is part of the reason he wants it removed. I’m kind of against him doing that until he’s seen a urologist and explored other options as to be honest I’ve heard of the negative side effects and don’t want him to regret it. He can retract his foreskin, but says it gets tight when he’s hard and that is uncomfortable. He doesn’t want to use creams to help loosen it more either. It’s his body his choice , but I prefer him to not have the op until he’s at least seen a urologist.

I was feeling abit disappointed that he hadn’t solved this isssue before he used the dating app. He even offered I go abroad with him whilst he has the op. We've been going out no longer than 3 weeks. He asked if I still want to see him, I told him I just need a day to think about it. I’m being empathetic to this issue, I just don’t want him to regret it.

He told me he’s looking for someone more sensitive , and we left eachother on a low note. So he might just block me outright and I might not ever even hear from him again. I do really like him, and I don’t know if I’m being silly. If I stop seeing him, I definitely think I’d be losing a good thing. It’s just disappointing when you meet someone to find out performance isn’t great, plus I’m worried that the op won’t even cure it, what if it’s something else and he gets it for no reason.

Should I support him during this time? Am I being insensitive?

[Gebidozo]

If I were him I’d say the same thing, that I’m looking for someone more sensitive and empathetic.

[Sony12]

No offense OP but you are lucky the guy has been as nice to you as he has been. You don't become that critical over a guy's performance and penis after only three weeks of dating. With that attitude I sure hope you are a supermodel and look perfect without any clothes on. Most guys would be telling you to get the hell out of their house after bringing something like that up after only going on a few dates. 

You want to be that critical over a guy's body that quickly then pay for a male gigolo to come over.

[Anonymous]

Just now, Sony12 said:

No offense OP but you are lucky the guy has been as nice to you as he has been. You don't become that critical over a guy's performance and penis after only three weeks of dating. With that attitude I sure hope you are a supermodel and look perfect without any clothes on. Most guys would be telling you to get the hell out of their house after bringing something like that up after only going on a few dates. 

You want to be that critical over a guy's body that quickly then pay for a male gigolo to come over.

I didn’t say anything bad about his performance to him as I didn’t want to hurt him, I was trying to be very supportive in person , I was mentioning it here for context 

[Sony12]

24 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

I didn’t say anything bad about his performance to him as I didn’t want to hurt him, I was trying to be very supportive in person , I was mentioning it here for context 

You clearly have raised an issue about it though or else he wouldn't be explaining the situation in such detail to a lady he has only seen a few times and he wouldn't be saying things like 'do you still want to see me' and 'I want to find someone more sensitive'.

If you don't really find him all that attractive when you two are being intimate you don't bring it up at all until you two are practically married. You make the best of the situation that you can while it is going on and if he asks you out again you simply say something like 'I don't feel the chemistry'.

[Imogen_77]

Maybe give him a few days to simmer down. If he wants the surgery, that’s up to him; it’s a standard fix for phimosis and should help him out. I don’t think you were being insensitive at all (unless I missed something in your OP) ….. you were just looking out for him by suggesting a urologist first. Is there a reason he’s looking abroad specifically? It seems a lot easier to start with a local specialist and go from there. Either way, it’s his body and his call, but your suggestion came from a good place.

[Redarrow91]

1 hour ago, Imogen_77 said:

Maybe give him a few days to simmer down. If he wants the surgery, that’s up to him; it’s a standard fix for phimosis and should help him out. I don’t think you were being insensitive at all (unless I missed something in your OP) ….. you were just looking out for him by suggesting a urologist first. Is there a reason he’s looking abroad specifically? It seems a lot easier to start with a local specialist and go from there. Either way, it’s his body and his call, but your suggestion came from a good place.

Thanks, I’m definitely looking out for him, and it’s his call at the end of the day. I’m just worried that’s not the problem and he has the surgery for no reason. It sounds selfish , but I want to have a good sex life. He’s looking abroad as it’s cheaper to get it done overseas,

[ShyViolet]

13 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I’m kind of against him doing that until he’s seen a urologist and explored other options as to be honest I’ve heard of the negative side effects and don’t want him to regret it.

Umm what?  What makes you think you have the right to weigh in on his medical decisions when this is a guy you've been seeing for three weeks?  

[Imogen_77]

@ShyViolet Nahhhh …… I don’t think it’s that big of a deal…If you’re seeing someone, even if it’s only been a few weeks, and you’re already talking about something this personal, like a medical issue, then yeah, the other person is going to have an opinion……. You don’t get to share all the details and then suddenly expect the other person to stay completely silent. Also, he’s the one who brought her into it…..He even suggested she come with him for the procedure. So clearly her input isn’t some wild overstep. And let’s be real, if they’re talking about renovating a house and potentially moving in together, this isn’t some casual, no-strings situation. Of course she’s going to care and speak up. She’s not deciding for him. She’s just saying “maybe talk to another doctor first,” which is probably the most reasonable take in this whole situation. A random coworker would do the same.