Need Some Advice

[sillyprincess]

No Judgement Please

So, long story short, I ended up in a kind of FWB relationship.  I'm in my late 20's and he's like double my age, but he's ok.  People that knew about us, thought of us as a couple, and were very non-judgy.

Like I said, no judgement please, and this was never meant to be an exclusive thing.  He's old, not really my type, and I still dated other guys.  But he was sweet, and was a nice lover always looking after me.  He was happy, and I was happy, and nobody was getting hurt.

Then the condom broke.  Yeah, I suppose I should have been on the implant or the pill, but I always insist on a condom so whats the harm.  I thought I was ok and wasn't in the right palce to get morning after pill.  So turns out I'm pregnant, and just figured I'd take care of it, and just told him we were taking a break.  And he was ok, he's never pressured me or anything.

But I decided I don't wnat to kill my baby, so thats me.  I wasn't expecting much, but I told him, and hes been completely supportive.  Offered to pay for everything, said he'll support me and the kid, and that he'll be a Dad if thats what I want.

So I'm figuring to be a single Mum, and its kind of weird because some friends know about us and know that its his, and have been really ok with it.  But my mum has been a total b**** about, so no help there.

So we started planning stuff, and we started up the FWB again, except now I don't date anyone.  I'm still working but hes already stared paying for stuff, and said that he'll pay for my place when I can't work.

And for a while there I was really pissed at him and about how my life has turned out.  But now I'm happy and this is my choice.  I want to be a mum and this is just how it turned out.

So I want to know where to go from here?

I think he will be a brilliant Dad.  His kids are my age lol, but he has a really good relation with all them.  I wissh I could find someone more my own age but I've never thought much about settling down before.  And now I find that heaps of guys want to get in my pants, but there even less interested in a  relationship that before.  Ive got freinds who have like 3 different kids to 3 different blokes and none of them are in the pitcure and I dont want that.

He said that If I wanted I could come and live in his house.  He has a nice big house, and wed all get our own rooms.  Hes prepared to tell his kids about us.

and I just don't know what to do

Thanks

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, sillyprincess said:

and I just don't know what to do

Well, I think the only real question here is what do you feel for him?

If you’re genuinely attracted to him and can see yourself being with him exclusively, then go ahead and do that. He obviously has feelings for you.

But if you aren’t attracted to him romantically, then it’s better to nip his hopes in the bud. I think you should stop the FWB in that case, because for him it has clearly gone way beyond that.

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, sillyprincess said:

And for a while there I was really pissed at him and about how my life has turned out

This is a revealing comment. Why were you angry at him? You are responsible for how your life has turned out, so I am curious why you were blaming him. 

[Els]

Umm, okay, so, elephant in the room here... You mentioned that "we'd all get our own rooms" in his house, so presumably at least some of his kids live with him.

So... is he a single dad with full custody, or is he married?

Edited March 17 by Els

[sillyprincess]

10 hours ago, Els said:

Umm, okay, so, elephant in the room here... You mentioned that "we'd all get our own rooms" in his house, so presumably at least some of his kids live with him.

So... is he a single dad with full custody, or is he married?

LOL yeah hes like a Mormon with 3 wifes and wants me to be number 4.

Did you read where I said his kids were my age?   He's divorced and still lives in a decent sized house.  By all our own rooms I mean I would have my own room not sharing with him, and as our kid grows up he/she would have their own too.

[sillyprincess]

15 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is a revealing comment. Why were you angry at him? You are responsible for how your life has turned out, so I am curious why you were blaming him. 

Why was I pissed at him?  Like seriously?  Oh like I don't know maybe because he knocked me up?

[sillyprincess]

20 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Well, I think the only real question here is what do you feel for him?

If you’re genuinely attracted to him and can see yourself being with him exclusively, then go ahead and do that. He obviously has feelings for you.

But if you aren’t attracted to him romantically, then it’s better to nip his hopes in the bud. I think you should stop the FWB in that case, because for him it has clearly gone way beyond that.

I wish the answer was that simple

I don't know what I feel for him

I think hes old enough to be my Dad and half the time I wish I'd never met him.  I worry that when I have the baby people will think hes the Grandad.

Been exclusive isnt the problem,  I am disgusted by all the other dicks who just wnat to screw a pregnant woman.

I wish somebody right would come along but what do I do before that and how long do I wait?  Its a lot to think about but I guess one day I'll wnat to have more kids.

 

[Acacia98]

29 minutes ago, sillyprincess said:

I wish somebody right would come along but what do I do before that and how long do I wait?  Its a lot to think about but I guess one day I'll wnat to have more kids.

@sillyprincess, relax. You don't have to figure out the rest of your life today. You don't even have to figure out this relationship today.

Focus on the fact that you are expecting and do what many other pregnant women do: make the mental adjustment to the fact that something amazing (and potentially frightening) is happening to you, learn about what happens at each stage of pregnancy and what you need to do to stay healthy, figure out your health insurance situation, save money if possible, anticipate the possibility that you will need to take a significant stretch of time off work to have your baby and to look after him/her...

Forget about relationships with other men altogether. You don't need that distraction at this point in your life. As for your relationship with this guy, don't try to force it to be just because you're having a baby together. Take your time to get to know each other and to figure out whether you are truly a good fit for each other or should just limit your relationship to co-parenting. 

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, sillyprincess said:

Why was I pissed at him?  Like seriously?  Oh like I don't know maybe because he knocked me up?

You said he did use a condom, but the condom broke, and you thought you weren’t pregnant and didn’t take the morning after pill.

So… do you realize that it wasn’t his fault that you got pregnant?

You say you’re in your late 20’s, but you sound a little bit like you’re in your late teens.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, sillyprincess said:

Why was I pissed at him?  Like seriously?  Oh like I don't know maybe because he knocked me up?

Yes, seriously. 

How is any more his fault than yours that you got pregnant? It sounds like you have a lot of maturing to do. 

Edited March 17 by ExpatInItaly

[Els]

7 hours ago, sillyprincess said:

Why was I pissed at him?  Like seriously?  Oh like I don't know maybe because he knocked me up?

You had plenty of options. Birth control, morning after pill, abortion (the last one is unfortunately not an option in some places, but you did mention that you "decided" to keep the pregnancy, so I'm taking your word for it). I'd say you're both equally responsible for the situation that you're in.

At any rate, I'm not sure if you even like him, let alone love him? You're talked about the big house and that he'd make a good dad etc etc, but you've said nothing good about how you feel about him. You've even said that you're not attracted to him.

I don't see anything good coming out of this, honestly. I feel like it would be best for you to keep your living situations separate, and file for child support.

Of course, it's your choice and your life, but you did ask.

 

[sillyprincess]

So I think I have figure it out a bit.  I am scared of the future, like really sacred.  And he makes me feel safe.

Hes told me that me and the baby our the mist important things in the world to him.  Maybe Im being selfish looking out for myself and our baby but maybe thats ok to?