She suggested I date other women while she can’t have sex — how do I navigate this?

[Curious cat]

I’m 24:male, and my partner is 30/female. We have a strong, loving relationship built on trust, honesty, and emotional closeness.

She’s had a lower libido for some time, and a recent injury has made sex physically impossible for 6–12 months. The injury hasn’t caused the libido difference, but it made the situation unavoidable and brought the conversation into the open. Her focus is on recovery, not sex, which I completely respect.

She’s said she’d be open to me seeing other women during this time, though she doesn’t want to hear details. She also wants to discuss boundaries and communication before anything happens. In theory, this sounds generous and fun, but I’m not sure how I’d handle it in practice.

For context, I’ve had casual and long-term relationships; she has only had long-term ones and hasn’t experienced casual dynamics.

For people I’ve been in a similar situation:

 

What were your genuine feelings underneath the surface?

What boundaries mattered most?

Did your feelings change once it became real?

What helped preserve trust and emotional safety?

Anything you wish your partner had understood better?

 

 

I want to understand her perspective so I can approach this respectfully and protect our relationship.

 

Thank you.

[Gebidozo]

Are you sure you don’t want to explore other solutions?

It feels strange to me that having sex with other people was suggested right away without considering other possibilities.

Surely that can’t be the first solution either of you thought about?

She won’t be able to have penetrative sex, but there are plenty of other ways to enjoy and pleasure each other sexually.

Having sex with other people while being in a monogamous relationship, even when done with permission, is an incredibly risky endeavor.

I know two couples where one of the partners (the man in both cases) did that. Both broke up shortly afterwards. It’s really hard to come back from something like that, and it will surely cast a huge shadow over your relationship no matter what.

Are you really willing to put your happiness with your girlfriend at great risk simply to ensure that you’ll have penetrative sex during the next year?

Or is there a bigger problem here? Are you generally dissatisfied with the sexual aspect of your relationship? Are your libidos mismatched?

Edited 19 hours ago by Gebidozo

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Curious cat said:

She’s had a lower libido for some time

How long have you been together, and how long has this been an issue? 

5 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Or is there a bigger problem here?

That's what I am wondering, too. It is almost surely a recipe for disaster to emabark on a plan like this, OP, and I can't help but think that maybe there is a bigger issue that isn't being talked about, ie. your long-term viability as a romantic couple. 

[Sony12]

It's pretty normal for casual dating partners to agree to allow each other to see (have sex) other people but far more rare for people who want to be in a committed relationship to be ok with it (and often when they are it's because it is playing into a sex fantasy they have).

OP are you sure the relationship is as good as you are wanting to believe it is? Very very few women who feel committed to a guy would be ok with him having sex with other women (usually it is the guys desire to have an open relationship and it is the lady going along with it).

Are you sure she isn't secretly trying to get rid of you? And I would also wonder if her low libido is legitimate or if she has just lost interest in having sex with you. Low libido does happen but it would be unlikely for the women with a low libido to be ok with her partner sleeping around.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Are you sure she isn't secretly trying to get rid of you? And I would also wonder if her low libido is legitimate or if she has just lost interest in having sex with you.

That was my first thought as well, honestly. 

[Sony12]

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

That was my first thought as well, honestly. 

Yeah I mean you would think that if someone wasn't happy with a dating partner/relationship that they would just end it themselves. However I have always been very surprised just how much trouble some people have with ending relationships and cutting those individuals out of their lives. For some they almost need the other person to end it. So them trying to find ways for the other person to lose interest in them wouldn't be that surprising.

[Sanch62]

39 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Yeah I mean you would think that if someone wasn't happy with a dating partner/relationship that they would just end it themselves. However I have always been very surprised just how much trouble some people have with ending relationships and cutting those individuals out of their lives. For some they almost need the other person to end it. So them trying to find ways for the other person to lose interest in them wouldn't be that surprising.

Yep. When I was young and had trouble breaking from a relationship, my biggest hope was that my partner would form an interest in someone else. I had to mature out of that.

If I had a partner who suggested this, I'd consider our future together to be over. Otherwise, there'd be so many ways to invest in all kinds of sex that would be satisfying without a need for penetration.

She's done. She's just waiting for you to catch up to that fact.