She suggested I date other women while she can’t have sex — how do I navigate this?

[Curious cat]

I’m 24:male, and my partner is 30/female. We have a strong, loving relationship built on trust, honesty, and emotional closeness.

She’s had a lower libido for some time, and a recent injury has made sex physically impossible for 6–12 months. The injury hasn’t caused the libido difference, but it made the situation unavoidable and brought the conversation into the open. Her focus is on recovery, not sex, which I completely respect.

She’s said she’d be open to me seeing other women during this time, though she doesn’t want to hear details. She also wants to discuss boundaries and communication before anything happens. In theory, this sounds generous and fun, but I’m not sure how I’d handle it in practice.

For context, I’ve had casual and long-term relationships; she has only had long-term ones and hasn’t experienced casual dynamics.

For people I’ve been in a similar situation:

 

What were your genuine feelings underneath the surface?

What boundaries mattered most?

Did your feelings change once it became real?

What helped preserve trust and emotional safety?

Anything you wish your partner had understood better?

 

 

I want to understand her perspective so I can approach this respectfully and protect our relationship.

 

Thank you.

[Gebidozo]

Are you sure you don’t want to explore other solutions?

It feels strange to me that having sex with other people was suggested right away without considering other possibilities.

Surely that can’t be the first solution either of you thought about?

She won’t be able to have penetrative sex, but there are plenty of other ways to enjoy and pleasure each other sexually.

Having sex with other people while being in a monogamous relationship, even when done with permission, is an incredibly risky endeavor.

I know two couples where one of the partners (the man in both cases) did that. Both broke up shortly afterwards. It’s really hard to come back from something like that, and it will surely cast a huge shadow over your relationship no matter what.

Are you really willing to put your happiness with your girlfriend at great risk simply to ensure that you’ll have penetrative sex during the next year?

Or is there a bigger problem here? Are you generally dissatisfied with the sexual aspect of your relationship? Are your libidos mismatched?

Edited February 21 by Gebidozo

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Curious cat said:

She’s had a lower libido for some time

How long have you been together, and how long has this been an issue? 

5 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Or is there a bigger problem here?

That's what I am wondering, too. It is almost surely a recipe for disaster to emabark on a plan like this, OP, and I can't help but think that maybe there is a bigger issue that isn't being talked about, ie. your long-term viability as a romantic couple. 

[Sony12]

It's pretty normal for casual dating partners to agree to allow each other to see (have sex) other people but far more rare for people who want to be in a committed relationship to be ok with it (and often when they are it's because it is playing into a sex fantasy they have).

OP are you sure the relationship is as good as you are wanting to believe it is? Very very few women who feel committed to a guy would be ok with him having sex with other women (usually it is the guys desire to have an open relationship and it is the lady going along with it).

Are you sure she isn't secretly trying to get rid of you? And I would also wonder if her low libido is legitimate or if she has just lost interest in having sex with you. Low libido does happen but it would be unlikely for the women with a low libido to be ok with her partner sleeping around.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Are you sure she isn't secretly trying to get rid of you? And I would also wonder if her low libido is legitimate or if she has just lost interest in having sex with you.

That was my first thought as well, honestly. 

[Sony12]

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

That was my first thought as well, honestly. 

Yeah I mean you would think that if someone wasn't happy with a dating partner/relationship that they would just end it themselves. However I have always been very surprised just how much trouble some people have with ending relationships and cutting those individuals out of their lives. For some they almost need the other person to end it. So them trying to find ways for the other person to lose interest in them wouldn't be that surprising.

[Sanch62]

39 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Yeah I mean you would think that if someone wasn't happy with a dating partner/relationship that they would just end it themselves. However I have always been very surprised just how much trouble some people have with ending relationships and cutting those individuals out of their lives. For some they almost need the other person to end it. So them trying to find ways for the other person to lose interest in them wouldn't be that surprising.

Yep. When I was young and had trouble breaking from a relationship, my biggest hope was that my partner would form an interest in someone else. I had to mature out of that.

If I had a partner who suggested this, I'd consider our future together to be over. Otherwise, there'd be so many ways to invest in all kinds of sex that would be satisfying without a need for penetration.

She's done. She's just waiting for you to catch up to that fact.

 

[Curious cat]

On 2/21/2026 at 2:26 PM, ExpatInItaly said:

It has been an “issue” for some time now, year or so - she has had a few things happen in her personal life that have made sex not appear on her radar. And this has been frustrating, plenty of chats over the years about my frustration/compromise.

 

we talk a lot! About everything no matter how hard, one thing she appreciates in me - I’ll say it!

 

We see each other being together forever, both lives/aspirations are beet similar and closely aligned.

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, Curious cat said:

It has been an “issue” for some time now, year or so - she has had a few things happen in her personal life that have made sex not appear on her radar. And this has been frustrating, plenty of chats over the years about my frustration/compromise.

 

we talk a lot! About everything no matter how hard, one thing she appreciates in me - I’ll say it!

 

We see each other being together forever, both lives/aspirations are beet similar and closely aligned.

Are you sure she just doesn't view you as a really good friend? It really seems you might be making your relationship seem more significant than it really is.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Curious cat said:

We see each other being together forever, both lives/aspirations are beet similar and closely aligned.

Except intimacy has died out, rendering this more like a friendship now. 

1 hour ago, Curious cat said:

And this has been frustrating, plenty of chats over the years about my frustration/compromise.

And it hasn't gotten better, apparently. The move she is suggesting would make it a whole lot worse, too. I think you two are not being honest with yourselves (or each other) about the real state of your relationship. It's circling the drain, here. 

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, Curious cat said:

We see each other being together forever, both lives/aspirations are beet similar and closely aligned.

And yet there appear to be unsurmountable physical intimacy problems in your relationship.

If both of you were in your 60s, permanent lack of libido on either side would be understandable - but then neither of you would even think of sleeping with other people.

You’re 24, she is 30, and you’re saying that you’ve been barely (or even not at all) having sex for a year, with one more year of total abstinence coming. What’s more, you both attempt to solve the problem by letting you have sex with other women.

Something is wrong here that goes beyond purely physical issues.

It sounds to me like you’ve become friends rather than romantic lovers. Again, if you were both old, that wouldn’t be a problem. But at your ages, this is going to ruin your relationship.

 

[Els]

Poly can be a valid choice for some couples, but generally in those cases both people are wired poly and both are interested in having sex with other people. In your case it's more like a concession, offered out of guilt.

This sort of one-sided "hall pass" isn't going to end well. Poly people naturally experience compersion, which helps them not feel jealous when their partner is with someone else - and even then, issues can still occur. In your case your partner is monogamous, so even if she thinks she's going to be okay with it, it's unlikely that she will once it actually happens. And by that time it will be irreversible.

You two should probably separate as you don't sound compatible. But if you really feel like you want to spend your life with her, I'd recommend just getting cozy with your hand for 6-12 months.

 

 

Edited February 23 by Els

[flitzanu]

one question not being asked here...how would you feel if she has sex with other men?

i know you said she can't due to surgery and recovery, but what if she tells you to sleep with women, and then suddenly she wants to sleep with other men?

[Sanch62]

3 hours ago, flitzanu said:

one question not being asked here...how would you feel if she has sex with other men?

i know you said she can't due to surgery and recovery, but what if she tells you to sleep with women, and then suddenly she wants to sleep with other men?

I agree. This sounds like a bargaining chip for her to start seeing other guys.

[ShyViolet]

At 24 years old, you are planning to spend the rest of your life with this person when the sex life has already died out?  You two don't sound compatible.  If there is no sex life, then you are just friends.  You are very young and have your whole life ahead of you.  There are many other great people out there who you may be able to have a much more fulfilling relationship with.

This possible solution of opening up the relationship doesn't sound like something you're entirely comfortable with, and the idea came from her, not you.  It doesn't sound like something you even want to do.  Why not just look for someone who you could have a healthy, normal relationship with, rather than try to force this to work.  If you were a middle-aged married couple, that would be one thing, but you are 24 years old for goodness sake.  This is really kind of insane.

[Sony12]

20 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

At 24 years old, you are planning to spend the rest of your life with this person when the sex life has already died out?  You two don't sound compatible.  If there is no sex life, then you are just friends.  You are very young and have your whole life ahead of you.  There are many other great people out there who you may be able to have a much more fulfilling relationship with.

This possible solution of opening up the relationship doesn't sound like something you're entirely comfortable with, and the idea came from her, not you.  It doesn't sound like something you even want to do.  Why not just look for someone who you could have a healthy, normal relationship with, rather than try to force this to work.  If you were a middle-aged married couple, that would be one thing, but you are 24 years old for goodness sake.  This is really kind of insane.

Even for a middle aged married couple no sex would usually mean a relationship that was lacking and often times is a road to an affair and/or divorce happening. 

Some of the most horny women I have dated were involved in marriages where there was little or no sex. I made a joke to one of them one time that you have probably spent more time going down on me in the couple months we have been seeing each other then you did in the twenty some years you were married to your husband.

[Carlston]

19 hours ago, Sony12 said:

I made a joke to one of them one time that you have probably spent more time going down on me in the couple months we have been seeing each other then you did in the twenty some years you were married to your husband.

Why would you think she went down on you a lot more than she went down on her husband?

If it's because she told you she wasn't all that into him and the sex was rare and not all that great, you really should be aware that lots of women say this sort of thing to the new guy to make him feel special and there's no truth to it whatsoever.

[Sony12]

5 hours ago, Carlston said:

Why would you think she went down on you a lot more than she went down on her husband?

If it's because she told you she wasn't all that into him and the sex was rare and not all that great, you really should be aware that lots of women say this sort of thing to the new guy to make him feel special and there's no truth to it whatsoever.

Mainly it's because while she told me that about her husband she also told me about what some of her other experiences were like after her and her husband split. I wasn't the first guy she had sex with after her and her husband divorced. She was very open about her sexual experiences both good and bad and what turned her on 

Edited March 1 by Sony12

[FredEire]

On 2/22/2026 at 4:34 AM, Curious cat said:

It has been an “issue” for some time now, year or so - she has had a few things happen in her personal life that have made sex not appear on her radar. And this has been frustrating, plenty of chats over the years about my frustration/compromise.

 

we talk a lot! About everything no matter how hard, one thing she appreciates in me - I’ll say it!

 

We see each other being together forever, both lives/aspirations are beet similar and closely aligned.

If she has had low libido for the last year for psychological and not biological reasons, it would suggest to me that your relationship is effectively done.

It may be that it's genuinely a knock-on effect of the stuff she has been through, but that doesnt change the reality that it seems to have put up a wall between you and means she can't be intimate with you any more.

The solution is not for you to start sleeping with other women while still being in a relationship. The fact that she is willing to suggest this says to me that really the best solution is for both of you to move on and leave her the space to get through her own stuff in her own time.