She is starting to be distant - 3 months of dating

[jdann]

1 hour ago, Sanch62 said:

You're projecting your bad vibes onto her. You're pouting because she didn't respond last night. You're being needy, and you'll shoot yourself in the foot because people can smell that stuff from miles away.

Fix your thinking, or you'll make up stories in your head and react to those as though they are true. That'll blow you out of the water.

Thank you Sanch, I will admit yes I feel needy and emotional but I am expressing that on here, not to her.

We did exchange a few texts this afternoon and she called me tonight and we had a catch up on the phone, again a positive !

the last 2 days have for sure been more positive externally, I still feel weak though as the anxiety since I made this post has made me lose my appetite etc. 

I think what I’ve learnt is as the texting has never been amazing but I felt an even worse dip, but the phone calls and meets are good, this can just be a method of communication which I’m adapting to. You see my last relationships have never really been a phone calling one, just lots of back and forth texting all day, so this is maybe my brain goes overdrive becuase it’s maybe what I’ve been used too.

I do appreciate eveyones feedback, it helps me relax and see perspective. 
 

 

[Sanch62]

2 hours ago, jdann said:

I think what I’ve learnt is as the texting has never been amazing but I felt an even worse dip, but the phone calls and meets are good, this can just be a method of communication which I’m adapting to. You see my last relationships have never really been a phone calling one, just lots of back and forth texting all day, so this is maybe my brain goes overdrive becuase it’s maybe what I’ve been used too.

It's good you're considering this. Most people outgrow babysitting one another over texts, so comparing people's text tolerance can be a disservice to yourself.

Also make room for normalizing after the flood of initial attraction. Nobody can stay pumped up inside a love bubble for very long before real life intrudes with a pin to pop that thing. So, expecting one's intensity of focus to remain locked on high is a setup for disappointment. This panics some people because they view a leveling of intensity as 'bad,' or pulling away, when it's just a normal face value thing about living.

For your own head, try to simplify. You don't need to drill into seeing a zebra when it's just a horse. Let good dates be something to enjoy beyond the date itself rather than clobbering great experiences with control-freakish fears by making up 'shoulds' and driving yourself batty with those.

Head high, and enjOy!

[jdann]

8 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

It's good you're considering this. Most people outgrow babysitting one another over texts, so comparing people's text tolerance can be a disservice to yourself.

Also make room for normalizing after the flood of initial attraction. Nobody can stay pumped up inside a love bubble for very long before real life intrudes with a pin to pop that thing. So, expecting one's intensity of focus to remain locked on high is a setup for disappointment. This panics some people because they view a leveling of intensity as 'bad,' or pulling away, when it's just a normal face value thing about living.

For your own head, try to simplify. You don't need to drill into seeing a zebra when it's just a horse. Let good dates be something to enjoy beyond the date itself rather than clobbering great experiences with control-freakish fears by making up 'shoulds' and driving yourself batty with those.

Head high, and enjOy!

Thank you for Sanch this is great information!

It does make sense as sending eachother reels like 20 times a day has also slowed down! Not something I look into really though as I am not an active Instagram user.

I don't think we are seeing each other this weekend, she is quite busy with friends so I left the ball in her court with saying let me know when you're next free. I have a derby football game to focus on tomorrow!

 

 

[FredEire]

4 hours ago, jdann said:

Thank you for Sanch this is great information!

It does make sense as sending eachother reels like 20 times a day has also slowed down! Not something I look into really though as I am not an active Instagram user.

I don't think we are seeing each other this weekend, she is quite busy with friends so I left the ball in her court with saying let me know when you're next free. I have a derby football game to focus on tomorrow!

 

 

So I do think this is a mistake, personally.

I do this with my friends, maybe with a girlfriend, maybe even with someone Ive been seeing for a few months, we're regularly staying over at eachothers places and I know where I stand.

It's just my take on it, but I think at the beginning when you're still getting to know eachother, you haven't even spent a night together, communication should be light and more focused on meeting up, not sending nonsense reels to eachother all day.

I think that kind of thing kills any sense of mystery or intrigue, she knows exactly who you are, and what you offer, so youre more in the category of a guy who she can spend time with now and again than a potential boyfriend, which might explain what you've been feeling lately

[jdann]

4 minutes ago, FredEire said:

So I do think this is a mistake, personally.

I do this with my friends, maybe with a girlfriend, maybe even with someone Ive been seeing for a few months, we're regularly staying over at eachothers places and I know where I stand.

It's just my take on it, but I think at the beginning when you're still getting to know eachother, you haven't even spent a night together, communication should be light and more focused on meeting up, not sending nonsense reels to eachother all day.

I think that kind of thing kills any sense of mystery or intrigue, she knows exactly who you are, and what you offer, so youre more in the category of a guy who she can spend time with now and again than a potential boyfriend, which might explain what you've been feeling lately

Oh I have stayed around hers a couple of times and and we have made out and done other things, just not sex!

She is very clean and made it clear to make sure we do a testing before we have sex, which is perfectly understanding, being on antibiotics for a virus last month, I had to wait due to that effecting a result.

Anyway the test is done and I'm waiting the result , this is the longest I have waited for sex while dating and I actually like that it makes something to look forward to? This modern age you can sleep with someone without even dating !

[FredEire]

30 minutes ago, jdann said:

Oh I have stayed around hers a couple of times and and we have made out and done other things, just not sex!

She is very clean and made it clear to make sure we do a testing before we have sex, which is perfectly understanding, being on antibiotics for a virus last month, I had to wait due to that effecting a result.

Anyway the test is done and I'm waiting the result , this is the longest I have waited for sex while dating and I actually like that it makes something to look forward to? This modern age you can sleep with someone without even dating !

Yes but the point still stands. I have had very good dates with women I was dating and after sex just didn't connect in that sense and feelings completely changed, sometimes on my ends, sometimes on hers, sometimes both. The first time you properly spend the night together isn't the same as a makeout session or a bit of foreplay, its commonly a bit of a turning point in either direction.

But the broader point I'm making isn't really about sex, but Im using it to point out that its a basic building block of a potential relationship, and youre still missing plenty of those before you both decide that this is someone youre going to commit to.

Youre jumping the gun by doing overly familiar stuff like spamming eachother with reels already

[jdann]

59 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Yes but the point still stands. I have had very good dates with women I was dating and after sex just didn't connect in that sense and feelings completely changed, sometimes on my ends, sometimes on hers, sometimes both. The first time you properly spend the night together isn't the same as a makeout session or a bit of foreplay, its commonly a bit of a turning point in either direction.

But the broader point I'm making isn't really about sex, but Im using it to point out that its a basic building block of a potential relationship, and youre still missing plenty of those before you both decide that this is someone youre going to commit to.

Youre jumping the gun by doing overly familiar stuff like spamming eachother with reels already

Hahaha well just when I thought things was going positive you post this

 

I think I’m entitled to express vulnerability on here right ? Not to her, isn’t that a practice of getting the nervous energy off my chest ? 
 

I’m not going to go into have sex with negative thoughts of what would happen after I don’t think I’ve had a bad experience with that so far.

 

i appreciate the feedback and I can see you’re trying to help. I don’t believe I have jumped the gun with anything yet otherwise I would have make a major mistake somewhere  

 

[jdann]

So just wanted to give an update - 

 

had a nice phone call yesterday and then I went out for some drinks with friends.

we text a little this morning and I had a game and then she is off at an event with her friends. Seems like a pretty normal day.

She has not asked when she can see me yet but will continue to just play cool.

Hope you’re all having a good weekend  

[Carlston]

She's waiting for you to take the lead.

 

 

[jdann]

2 hours ago, Carlston said:

She's waiting for you to take the lead.

 

 

I feel like I did last time we saw eachother ! 
 

I put ideas for this weekend but as she said she had plans I said let me know when you’re next free. Balls in her court on that. 
 

We have spoke of the idea over going over hers for a movie soon and we have one we both want to watch.

 

i like I’ll let the weekend play out before I ask to see her again (if she doesn’t ask first) 

[FredEire]

On 10/31/2025 at 2:25 PM, jdann said:

Hahaha well just when I thought things was going positive you post this

 

I think I’m entitled to express vulnerability on here right ? Not to her, isn’t that a practice of getting the nervous energy off my chest ? 
 

I’m not going to go into have sex with negative thoughts of what would happen after I don’t think I’ve had a bad experience with that so far.

 

i appreciate the feedback and I can see you’re trying to help. I don’t believe I have jumped the gun with anything yet otherwise I would have make a major mistake somewhere  

 

I think you're getting the wrong end of the stick here.

I wasn't having a go at you or saying that you have to expect anything negative, more that in the early stages you are still very much assessing eachother to see if you are actually compatible.

And if you decide that this is your person and get overly familiar before it's merited, it can create an imbalance. I only say that as someone whos been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

[Lotsgoingon]

I don't sense you're all that close in the first place. You're texting each other so much--and texting frequency is not a sign of interest or compatibility.

If she's pulling back, then that's her. You don't want to fight to have someone stay in the relationship. If they can't show up with enthusiasm, then dating them will be a big waste of time. Sex will not solve the issue of disconnection that you are writing about.