What do you do if you run into someone who Ghosted you?

[Nerdy4Sharks]

I had this guy I have known for years, who had been a close friend, and never showed any interest in me other than a friend, randomly text me last month flirting with me and hinting for an intimate encounter. Long story short, afterwards he ghosted me. We haven't spoken in over 2 weeks. 3 days ago I ran into him at a bar he was working (I didn't know he worked there). He tried to avoid direct eye contact, but I would catch him looking. A few times it looked as if he wanted to say something to me but never did. I don't if I handled the situation correctly, as I do like this guy but I avoided talking to him and I made sure that the other bartender helped me instead. Was this the right move to make?

[basil67]

A combination of not engaging and not making a scene - you handled it perfectly.   

[ShyViolet]

Yes I think the way you handled it was right.  What's the alternative?  Confronting him?  I think confronting a person in this situation would be ridiculous and immature.  There's no point.  The best thing to do is just go about your business and act like you don't care.

[Acacia98]

13 hours ago, Nerdy4Sharks said:

I don't if I handled the situation correctly, as I do like this guy but I avoided talking to him and I made sure that the other bartender helped me instead. Was this the right move to make?

You did well.

[ThorLyonsSalem]

Happened to me more times than I care to remember now. If and when you see them again, and you happen to make eye contact, give them a smile. Chances are they are too awkward or embarrassed or feeling guilty about what did/didn't happen, but that's life. It says to the other "no hard feelings" (even if it is/was), then you move on. 

[Sanch62]

Yes, you did the right thing. If this is the guy from your last thread, you already confronted him with how you felt. He discussed it with you, and he's done. So there would be no point in cornering him where he works to engage further.

You will get past him and find someone better for you. Point your focus there, and you will thank yourself.

[Nerdy4Sharks]

Thank you everyone! It was the same guy from my last post. I had a few people that I had acted immature about ignoring him, but I didn't do it out of spite or anything like that, I did it because I one didn't know what to say, didn't really have anything to say to him and I didn't want to make the encounter anymore awkward for him, especially with him being at work. I do still like this person and for the most part they are a good person, I just know that they are going thru stuff I am not aware of. I am trying to work on letting go of things I can't control. But I don't want to do/say things that are out of character for me because I am hurt. I am a good person and want to remain a good person. I don't want to transfer my hurt towards another person.

[Sanch62]

41 minutes ago, Nerdy4Sharks said:

Thank you everyone! It was the same guy from my last post. I had a few people that I had acted immature about ignoring him, but I didn't do it out of spite or anything like that, I did it because I one didn't know what to say, didn't really have anything to say to him and I didn't want to make the encounter anymore awkward for him, especially with him being at work. I do still like this person and for the most part they are a good person, I just know that they are going thru stuff I am not aware of. I am trying to work on letting go of things I can't control. But I don't want to do/say things that are out of character for me because I am hurt. I am a good person and want to remain a good person. I don't want to transfer my hurt towards another person.

Excellent reflection. I always tend to challenge (in the privacy of my own mind) those who would characterize zero drama as 'immature'. If I'd asked for their opinion, I would respectfully follow up to that response with the question, "Oh? What do you believe would be the more mature response?"

You'll usually hear a confirmation of your suspicion that their definition of 'maturity' is to create drama for some abstract payoff that they can't define.

[flitzanu]

best thing to keep in mind is, if someone ghosted you, it means they don't want to communicate with you.

so the last thing they want is for you to speak to them or try to communicate with them.

[swirlingcloud]

I think too you behaved just right. Before as I was working an ex would show up, seat himself down somewhere and look at me.  Too wait outside for me. When I asked him what he was doing and to leave me alone, I sure wasn't running around where he worked he would defend himself saying he had a right to be there if he wanted to and that there was nothing I could do about it. 

I think he used the fact that he knew I did not want to draw attention to me. Start a fight.  In the end that is what I did. At the time I did want attention drawn to me, to get help. I threaten to call the police as well. He had after all first asked someone I worked with if that someone knew if I was working there so I take it then he was looking for me. I was the real reason he was there. I was ready to suggest that someone could be my witness in all this mess.

I knew something was wrong with him and in retrospect it was stupid of me to confront him like that again. I didn't know what else to do. He didn't come around after that.

A rule I go by is if you do happen to run into someone you want or you both don't want no contact with is to pretend they are not there or you don't know them. I don't do anything unless the other one does something.

Been few experiences where it's been a sensitive matter to bring up Hey. It's you! I know you, from so and so, because of the surrounding, other people, relations. You do it to be kind to the other person because you think ahead the scenarious it can bring out if you did. You don't want that conversation there and then and you both know it. So you pretend. I don't tell someone else about it too. 

Nothing against you, I'm sure you're a nice person and all, but one thing I've learned is to be suspiscious when someone using the term that they've been ghosted. This because the ex would apparently use that phrase when I wanted to and did go no contact. This after we had the whole break up conversation, resolved, done with the practical issues that had tied us together. The ex did not want no contact and in his head it was up to him to decide when and if we would go no contact. One person even told me we had to agree, had to get along. What for? Not how it works. It took me some time to realize that no, I actually don't own this person anything anymore and it's up to me to go no contact if I want to. I would before be patient because I knew his head was not screwed up right after the split. He sure made it so that my head wasn't either the way he was going with all this. 

He won sympathy immidiately when saying to others I've ghosted him and telling them what a bad break up it had been. To me he was giving himself away when uttering break up. If you know there has been a break up it's no ghosting. 

[ShySoul]

On 6/4/2025 at 8:49 AM, Nerdy4Sharks said:

am a good person and want to remain a good person. I don't want to transfer my hurt towards another person.

Excellent way to look at things.

The best thing to do when someone hurts us is take time to feel our emotions and heal from it. Then forgive the person and not hold onto grudges or to make either person uncomfortable. When someone hurts you, find a way to still wish them well and hope for the best for them. Holding onto the past, hating another person... that just brings us down and makes us feel worse. It keeps us stuck in the past and unable to move forward. Strive to be the bigger person that lets go and still wants everyone to be okay.

I would have just taked to him as normal like nothing happened. Show them that they can't get to me. If they want to say something, they can. If they don't, not my issue. I'll still be the person that raises above pettyness and treates people with respect. Though you weren't wrong not to speak to him. You did what you could handle. If you run into him in the future, maybe you will both be in a place to talk again.

Hope you are both okay with whatever you have been going through.