How to cope being forever single/undateable

[hfp220]

Hello everyone. I was wondering if anybody could tell me what are some ways to cope with me being forever single. Now before anyone says I won’t be, let me tell you about me. I’m 30, man, autistic, universally ugly to women, women repellent, never been flirted with, never been on a date, still a KHHV.  With all of this, I’m also a pessimistic, overthinker, negative Nancy, Debbie downer, etc.

I had followed the dating advice and became the best version of myself from a dating standpoint. It didn’t matter. Women were repulsed by me and I’ve even creeped out some by accident. After all of that, I relaized that I’m just undateable to women.

Respectfully please don’t tell me to be happy or go to therapy. I’m not happy that I’m being forced this life. I didn’t sign up for this. I wanted to experience the same things that everybody else around me was/has experienced. Yep every other man around has experienced stuff like this but me. I’m the only one man in my circle to never experience it. This whole thing has left me very very bitter. Something that therapy can not fix.  
 

So what are the best ways.

[basil67]

3 hours ago, hfp220 said:

I’m also a pessimistic, overthinker, negative Nancy, Debbie downer, etc.

While this is your mindset, you will not be able to get a date or accept being single.  

Have you tried antidepressants?   They worked wonders for my autistic son's mental health and general attitude.  

[Gebidozo]

5 hours ago, hfp220 said:

With all of this, I’m also a pessimistic, overthinker, negative Nancy, Debbie downer, etc.

This is the root of your problems.

When you use the word “repellent”, you probably refer to the way you look, but trust me, being negative is infinitely more repellent than not being conventionally handsome.

I know legitimately ugly men who’ve had tremendous success with women thanks to their radiant personalities.

I don’t know a single pessimistic, bitter overthinker who’d have any tangible success in his romantic life, even if he looks like Apollo.

Your usage of the acronym “KHHV” shows familiarity with incel lexicon. I had to google it to find that it means “kissless, hugless, handholdless virgin”.

The first thing you should do is remove the poison that is the incel mindset from your brain and from your soul. The mind of an incel operates in terms of entitlement. Incels think that women are supposed to like them, that they “owe” them affection, sex, and love. There are few things that repel women more than that kind of thinking.

 

 

Edited May 8 by Gebidozo

[MsJayne]

That's a pretty big question. May I ask what is the problem with your appearance? 

[Sanch62]

On 5/7/2025 at 2:48 PM, hfp220 said:

I’m also a pessimistic, overthinker, negative Nancy, Debbie downer, etc.

Okay, you've already identified your chosen coping strategy, and you've stated that you're not open to any kind of therapy that could help you to find a better one.

So you've pretty much answered your own question. How, exactly, can we help?

[hfp220]

On 5/9/2025 at 2:26 AM, MsJayne said:

That's a pretty big question. May I ask what is the problem with your appearance? 

I look like Big Al from Toy Story 2. Skinnier than him but much much older looking (like by 20-30 years).

[hfp220]

On 5/7/2025 at 7:30 PM, Gebidozo said:

This is the root of your problems.

When you use the word “repellent”, you probably refer to the way you look, but trust me, being negative is infinitely more repellent than not being conventionally handsome.

I know legitimately ugly men who’ve had tremendous success with women thanks to their radiant personalities.

I don’t know a single pessimistic, bitter overthinker who’d have any tangible success in his romantic life, even if he looks like Apollo.

Your usage of the acronym “KHHV” shows familiarity with incel lexicon. I had to google it to find that it means “kissless, hugless, handholdless virgin”.

The first thing you should do is remove the poison that is the incel mindset from your brain and from your soul. The mind of an incel operates in terms of entitlement. Incels think that women are supposed to like them, that they “owe” them affection, sex, and love. There are few things that repel women more than that kind of thinking.

 

 

I know I’m not entitled to any of those things and know that I may never be picked from any woman at all. I definitely aren’t owed any of those things. But I do have the right to be bitter about no woman ever seeing me in that way though. Especially if the likelihood of ever experiencing those things is very very low. And that’s how I feel about all of this. The things I listed about myself are apart of my personality and I cannot change that. I can’t change that I’m pessimistic, negative Nancy, Debbie downer, over thinker.

[hfp220]

On 5/7/2025 at 5:42 PM, basil67 said:

While this is your mindset, you will not be able to get a date or accept being single.  

Have you tried antidepressants?   They worked wonders for my autistic son's mental health and general attitude.  

Those things are my personality. I can’t change them. Also antidepressants don’t work either for me.

[hfp220]

On 5/9/2025 at 9:14 AM, Sanch62 said:

Okay, you've already identified your chosen coping strategy, and you've stated that you're not open to any kind of therapy that could help you to find a better one.

So you've pretty much answered your own question. How, exactly, can we help?

How to accept a life with never experiencing romance involuntarily. I didn’t agree to this life. I didn’t sign up for this life.

[MsJayne]

1 hour ago, hfp220 said:

I look like Big Al from Toy Story 2. Skinnier than him but much much older looking (like by 20-30 years).

So, an average looking guy then. Or movie star looks, depending which way you look at it. I don't know much about autism, but I believe it can make social interaction awkward and difficult. I have a friend with a son who has the condition and I recall that as a teenager he could drive you mad debating trivial stuff and making a big deal of what he saw as unfairness or someone being wrong about something, and he had no sense of humour, he would take everything literally, (and then argue about it). Super-intelligent guy, but very hard work until he went through therapy and learned to recognise when he was being pedantic and argumentative and how it was impacting people around him. Being as you're not interested in therapy it's a bit hard to suggest possible solutions, but if you really believe it's your looks that turn women off perhaps you could consider cosmetic surgery, but it's very expensive and doesn't guarantee happiness. Just yesterday I bumped into a 70 yo female acquaintance who's had two face-lifts, and she's one of the loneliest people I know. Still very good-looking, but lacking in warmth and humour, so quite a drag to be around. You can't change your core personality traits but you can learn to express yourself differently with practice, and you might be surprised at how others would respond. I'm over 60, never married, no children, so I'm not just offering shallow platitudes here, I know as well as anyone that it's difficult being alone involuntarily, but there is more to life than finding a partner and being bitter about singledom is one way of guaranteeing that it will always be that way.