My girlfriend is a whore?

[Masha_NYC]

You are 7 mos in and not married. It is not your job to save her from being easy -- just enjoy what you are doing with her until it's time to break up.

 

You don't use a PERSON for enjoyment. You either break up now or you get serious.

 

I was used and abuse (and I didn't **** anyone but him Cecelius hun) but I was used and abused for years. You just don't use a person for for fun. Break up now if you don't see yourself getting serious.

[blind_otter]

I said it before, and im saying it again. Why in the hell ppl want to share their experiences about past bed partners in a current relationship miffs me. Nothing good can ever come of it.

 

Yes..........

[Spectre]

The number of people she has slept with? She is 19ish, she has slept with a similar number of people to me, and I am more than twice her age. So am I a slow whore? We are now introducing time frame as an ameliorating factor into how much of a whore someone is?

 

Lets do an experiment shall we? Maybe you can see why her number and the time frame is disturbing. You admit to having a similiar, but being twice as older, lets break that down shall we. So, in the last 9 months, she has slept with the same number of people that you slept with in atleast 240 months(around 20 years) now. again. Lets look at your number(im assuming for the sake of argument, you and her have an equal number) 9? ok, and depending on when you began having sex, it took you ATLEAST 20 years rack that up, it took her NINE MONTHS, if you fail to see why the latter is gross? then well I cant help you.

 

I don't get it. I was negative in my post because of your first question, refering to women in the pejorative is not nice, necessary nor does it show maturity IMHO.

 

ever hear the saying "if the shoe fits, wear it"?

 

Her sexual history is of interest to an SO on the grounds of STD's and on the grounds that our behaviours show our personalities.

 

Isnt that the truth tho? It is showing the type of person she is, and according to the OP from her own mouth..she wasnt sleeping around to experiment with sex, or any of these other excuses people are using for her, she claimed it was because she was depressed and wanted to fit in, that is a HUGE red flag, it actually kinda sounds like shes setting the foundation for some sort of cheating insurance, now if she messes around atleast she kind of told him what makes her do it. Despite the fact that her being with that many people is kinda nasty, the real issue here is that she tried to blame it on being sad and insecure. Something which she cant possibly guarantee she wont feel again throughout the course of this relationship.

 

Her SO may then decide what he thinks of her, based on his own set of morals and requirements, that is entirely fair.

 

Personally I would of tried to find out this knowledge early in the relationship, so if I need to get out I still can without any real attatchments

 

It is fair to say that your SO must have slept with less people then you, or using some equation to calculate a "partners per year" and then comparing it to your own ppy ratio, if thats what you want to do.

 

My point was people keep going "arrh! you've slept with the same amount of people!" but what they dont include in that little scenario is that he is 4 years older than her. Which as I pointed out, puts him in his mid 20s, I'd say its normal for a kid to begin having sex when theyre 16-17-18. Which means, if people actually took the time to sit and think about it, she matched his entire sexual career(atleast 5-7 years long) in 9 months. If you look at it from that POV, I can see where hes coming from.

 

But all these morals exist in his head, to then use the word whore to describe somoeone who's ppy ratio is greater than his predefined acceptable limits is not good.

 

Sorry to break it to you, but thats how the current world works, he isnt the only one with this mindset. Sure, she doesnt deserve to be called a name, but him having hang ups about the relationship cuz she rode an entire baseball lineup in 9 months doesnt make him the devil or an a-hole, it makes him normal.

 

But it is not good to use pejorative phraseology to describe people who do not fit in with a personally held 'world view'.

 

Its a common worldview tho. Perhaps its a double standard, but it depends on the person. I for one am not the type of guy to go out and randomly bang girls I meet at bars, etc. If I was the type then I probably wouldnt have any right to say anything.

[Spectre]

You don't use a PERSON for enjoyment. You either break up now or you get serious.

 

 

So, you wouldnt call what the OP's gf did using a person for enjoyment? what WOULD you call it then? Just out of curiosity

[cygny]

So, you wouldnt call what the OP's gf did using a person for enjoyment? what WOULD you call it then? Just out of curiosity

 

 

an escape mechanism to distract herself from her depression, temporarily.

[cygny]

The whole argument that she is skanky and now untrustworthy is bogus.

 

What if she were a guy? would you be saying these things about a guy who had slept with 9 girls in 9 months. I doubt it. You'd probably be high-fiving him. Should all women look askance at a guy whose rate of screwage during a specific time frame in his life was one girl per month? That he is now untrustworthy? Trust has more to do with whether the person is in a committed relationship and cheating. If the girl or guy was single then they are accountable to no one. It's not an issue of trust. It's an issue about standards.

 

So what if she was depressed. Lots of people take drugs and get drunk when they are depressed. Most people get depressed at some point in their life. Should we put them all in the trash? Or should we extend a little understanding and goodwill?

 

Finally the rate is a red herring because you are comparing her rate to just this one guy's rate. If you want to make it an argument about social values, you'd have to compare her rate to a set of peers or society's rate at large.

 

I think that most people are reacting to this on a gut level and then trying to come up with rational arguments to justify their repulsion. The rational arguments don't hold water.

 

One could compare this reaction to how a woman might feel about a guy's porn habit. Even though in her head she may know it's normal, her gut level reaction is one of repulsion and it's a big big turn off.

[Spectre]

The whole argument that she is skanky and now untrustworthy is bogus.

 

given the reasons she claims she did these guys? not that bogus

 

What if she were a guy? would you be saying these things about a guy who had slept with 9 girls in 9 months. I doubt it. You'd probably be high-fiving him.

 

Which just shows you havent been reading my posts, but dont worry, I'm here to copy and paste. Heres a little exert from my previous post:

 

"Perhaps its a double standard, but it depends on the person. I for one am not the type of guy to go out and randomly bang girls I meet at bars, etc. If I was the type then I probably wouldnt have any right to say anything."

 

Important parts bolded. Anyways, now that we got that covered

 

Should all women look askance at a guy whose rate of screwage during a specific time frame in his life was one girl per month? That he is now untrustworthy?

 

So wait, theres never been any posts by women who dont like their mans number? Oh yes, there has. this isnt a male/female thing, dont try to make it out to be that way

 

Trust has more to do with whether the person is in a committed relationship and cheating. If the girl or guy was single then they are accountable to no one. It's not an issue of trust. It's an issue about standards.

 

I wouldnt trust a girl who goes out and bones a bunch of dudes under the guise of shes sad and doesnt fit in. And I also wouldnt call it unreasonable to have worries about being in a relationship with this type of girl.

 

So what if she was depressed. Lots of people take drugs and get drunk when they are depressed. Most people get depressed at some point in their life. Should we put them all in the trash? Or should we extend a little understanding and goodwill?

 

This is a great example of someone getting carried away. Who said nobody gets depressed? who said she should be put in the trash? Nobody.

 

Yes, everyone gets depressed, but guess what? 99% of them dont use that as an excuse to go hump a bunch of guys/girls. Ive been depressed and I didnt do that. Yes, people take drugs and booze, whats that got to do with this? Im not knocking her for being sad, my point is. if thats the way shes deals with being depressed, alone, and insecure..how do you know she wont act that way the next time she feels that way? you dont, that would be my main concern, this girl doesnt seem exactly stable if she thinks the key to curing her depression is needing more than two hands to count the number of people she's been with.

 

Finally the rate is a red herring because you are comparing her rate to just this one guy's rate. If you want to make it an argument about social values, you'd have to compare her rate to a set of peers or society's rate at large.

 

Uh, again..who is making this about social values? Of course he's comparing it to his read, what..? did you think the convo would go like "youve slept with 9 guys? damn! jeff has only done 5!" He's comparing them to himself of course, cuz again: If his number was a huge leap higher than hers he would have no right to be upset

 

I think that most people are reacting to this on a gut level and then trying to come up with rational arguments to justify their repulsion. The rational arguments don't hold water.

 

No, most people are only seeing that he called his gf a whore. Then they, for some odd reason, are giving this chick brownie points for being honest and then just bash this guy for being uncomfy about his gf riding so many men.

 

One could compare this reaction to how a woman might feel about a guy's porn habit.

 

Unless this porn habit involves going out and participating in said pornos himself, then No I disagree, I dont think its the same.

 

 

Even though in her head she may know it's normal, her gut level reaction is one of repulsion and it's a big big turn off.

 

But it isnt normal for a girl to bone a different guy every month, thats the thing, no matter which way you spin it, in our current society that is NOT normal behavior

[Art_Critic]

Sleeping with 9 guys in 9 months is not bad.. Come on people Grow Up..

 

That is only about 1 per month.. she is young and is just spreading her wings trying to find out what she wants in life..

 

Grow up....

 

When 2 people are together they can have sex up to 270 times in 9 months.. how is 9 times supposed to make her a slut ??????

 

It is possible that she could've been with over 200 guys in 9 months...

[lilmoma1973]

Sleeping with 9 guys in 9 months is not bad.. Come on people Grow Up..

 

That is only about 1 per month.. she is young and is just spreading her wings trying to find out what she wants in life..

 

Grow up....

 

When 2 people are together they can have sex up to 270 times in 9 months.. She is just trying to find out what she wants..

 

Exactly A_C great post!!!

[cygny]

Sleeping with 9 guys in 9 months is not bad.. Come on people Grow Up..

 

That is only about 1 per month.. she is young and is just spreading her wings trying to find out what she wants in life..

 

Grow up....

 

When 2 people are together they can have sex up to 270 times in 9 months.. how is 9 times supposed to make her a slut ??????

 

It is possible that she could've been with over 200 guys in 9 months...

 

 

so so true! one a month is nothing when you are 19 and single. Let's say she went out clubbing every weekend, that's 8 times a month. In 9 months that's 72 times. She probably got hit on by 2-3 guys every night she went out so let's say she had roughly 210 solid opportunities to get laid. Add to that other guys who saw her around--ok if she's like me and most other women she gets chatted up a couple of times a day just on the street or about, so that's an additional 700-800 or so opportunities.

 

We are looking at a girl that probably has had over 1000 opportunities to get laid and she took only 9 of them!!! That's .009%!!! less than 1 for every 100 chances!!!

 

I think she has remarkable self-control and demonstrates incredibly discriminating standards.

[lilmoma1973]

so so true! one a month is nothing when you are 19 and single. Let's say she went out clubbing every weekend, that's 8 times a month. In 9 months that's 72 times. She probably got hit on by 2-3 guys every night she went out so let's say she had roughly 210 solid opportunities to get laid. Add to that other guys who saw her around--ok if she's like me she gets chatted up a couple of times a day, so that's an additional 700-800 or so opportunities.

 

We are looking at a girl that probably has had 1000 opportunities to get laid and she took only 9 of them!!!

 

I think she has remarkable self-control

 

I totally agree with you on that cgny she does have remarkable control !!! I have g/f that i grew up with that had more than that by the time they graduated !!

[whichwayisup]

Define SLUT.

 

To me, slutty (man or woman) is sleeping with alot of people in the same day/week, without showering...Offering up blowjobs, going from one to the other, not caring about anybody else but themselves.

 

I don't see your girlfriend doing that. So, really, what is your defination of a slut?

[lilmoma1973]

Define SLUT.

 

To me, slutty (man or woman) is sleeping with alot of people in the same day/week, without showering...Offering up blowjobs, going from one to the other, not caring about anybody else but themselves.

 

I don't see your girlfriend doing that. So, really, what is your defination of a slut?

 

 

I have been wondering the same thing WWIU!!

[whichwayisup]

Makes no sense. She handles herself well, she's respectful and a nice person, honest and not playing games...Yet she has had 9 men. WHO CARES?

 

One day he will see that it really didn't matter, cuz if he concentrates on this ONE issue about her, it will drive her away from him and he'll regret it... I'm with everybody else, GROW UP, accept it and move on.

[lilmoma1973]

Makes no sense. She handles herself well, she's respectful and a nice person, honest and not playing games...Yet she has had 9 men. WHO CARES?

 

One day he will see that it really didn't matter, cuz if he concentrates on this ONE issue about her, it will drive her away from him and he'll regret it... I'm with everybody else, GROW UP, accept it and move on.

 

 

Yeah and then he will realize that **** just don't matter !! My h been with more than me but that don't make me think he is a man whore.. I should cause it is alot but that is his past and im the future and it ends with me.. That is the way he should look at it.. Someone gave me a bad rep point for this post .. Why are we judge on our advice ?

[Spectre]

That is only about 1 per month.. she is young and is just spreading her wings trying to find out what she wants in life..

 

Before you keep typing the words grow up, did ANYONE but me read his entire post? I find it hilarious people keep posting the ever so cliched stuff like "shes experimenting! shes spreading her wings" uh no, no shes not. How do I know this? I read his first post, lets explore: "She claims to have been depressed because she was so far away from home, and she wanted to fit in, etc etc. "

 

Ill go one step further and break this down. It means when he asked her why her behavior was this why, she didnt respond with "i just wanna be fancy and free!" or "Im experimenting" she said that she was depressed cuz she was so far away from home and wanted to fit in. So no, she wasnt trying to find herself or any of that. she was sad over not being home and wanted to fit in. So, to ease this sadness..she went out and boned a different guy each month. To me that says she has some MAJOR MAJOR issues with herself and her self esteem.

 

When 2 people are together they can have sex up to 270 times in 9 months.. how is 9 times supposed to make her a slut ??????

 

So? that really doesnt have any barring on the issue. Yes a couple can have sex many times in 9 months, but you know..it would kinda be just with each other and they probably atleast like each other and respect each other. They didnt randomly meet up and then go back and bone, then go and repeat the process every month with a different person. I'm actually a bit surprised people cant see why some girl having that many partners in that short a time is a turn off.

[Spectre]

so so true! one a month is nothing when you are 19 and single. Let's say she went out clubbing every weekend, that's 8 times a month. In 9 months that's 72 times. She probably got hit on by 2-3 guys every night she went out so let's say she had roughly 210 solid opportunities to get laid. Add to that other guys who saw her around--ok if she's like me and most other women she gets chatted up a couple of times a day just on the street or about, so that's an additional 700-800 or so opportunities.

 

We are looking at a girl that probably has had over 1000 opportunities to get laid and she took only 9 of them!!! That's .009%!!! less than 1 for every 100 chances!!!

 

I think she has remarkable self-control and demonstrates incredibly discriminating standards.

 

Best post ever, I especially love how you tried to use numbers to your advantage, and you know I could take a girl who has only slept with 3-4 guys in a sum of 3-4 years and plug those same factors into the equation and get a MUCH MUCH lower percentage for her, which would then put your results into context by showing that an average female would score a much much lower percentage, thus really not changing anything about the current situation

[Spectre]

Makes no sense. She handles herself well, she's respectful and a nice person, honest and not playing games...Yet she has had 9 men. WHO CARES?

 

 

So, you would describe a girl that sleeps around cuz shes homesick,depressed, and insecure as handling herself in well and respectful manner? honestly?

[cygny]

Before you keep typing the words grow up, did ANYONE but me read his entire post? I find it hilarious people keep posting the ever so cliched stuff like "shes experimenting! shes spreading her wings" uh no, no shes not. How do I know this? I read his first post, lets explore: "She claims to have been depressed because she was so far away from home, and she wanted to fit in, etc etc. "

 

Ill go one step further and break this down. It means when he asked her why her behavior was this why, she didnt respond with "i just wanna be fancy and free!" or "Im experimenting" she said that she was depressed cuz she was so far away from home and wanted to fit in. So no, she wasnt trying to find herself or any of that. she was sad over not being home and wanted to fit in. So, to ease this sadness..she went out and boned a different guy each month. To me that says she has some MAJOR MAJOR issues with herself and her self esteem.

 

 

 

So? that really doesnt have any barring on the issue. Yes a couple can have sex many times in 9 months, but you know..it would kinda be just with each other and they probably atleast like each other and respect each other. They didnt randomly meet up and then go back and bone, then go and repeat the process every month with a different person. I'm actually a bit surprised people cant see why some girl having that many partners in that short a time is a turn off.

 

alot of people did not believe that she had only had 9 partners, either. so why are you believing this one aspect of what she said? especially if she can't be trusted...

 

if the original poster and the other critics had merely said it was a turn off, on a gut level, or that her behavior did not match their own set of standards for when it was appropriate for either gender to get laid, I would have no argument with you. instead she was called a whore and you are disparaging her character, inferring alot of negative things about her as a person and as a potential partner. that goes way beyond just being turned off or having a different set of standards.

 

i honestly don't see why you think everyone should be grossed out, especially when she was very likely turning so many other men down.

[Art_Critic]

They didnt randomly meet up and then go back and bone, then go and repeat the process every month with a different person.

 

And nowhere in the OP does it say that she met up with 9 people randomly..

 

it is entirely possible that she could've known these people for up to a month before sleeping with them and then they had nothing to do with her and she moved on only to do it again in a month..

 

I won't say grow up again.. but maybe you need to learn how life really is in the real world .. from behind your keyboard alot of girls in the world would be whores and sluts..

Most women I know went through alot of guys when they were 19-25 then they slowed down when they got older.. when you get older you realize that having sex doesn't guarantee you a good guy..

It is all about living life and experiences..

 

you are claiming that someone who sleeps with guys becuase she is depressed is a slut or whore..

Women are just like guys in that they can get depressed

[cygny]

Best post ever, I especially love how you tried to use numbers to your advantage, and you know I could take a girl who has only slept with 3-4 guys in a sum of 3-4 years and plug those same factors into the equation and get a MUCH MUCH lower percentage for her, which would then put your results into context by showing that an average female would score a much much lower percentage, thus really not changing anything about the current situation

 

 

my point was---you are blowing this thing way out of proportion. you are the one so concerned about numbers. what if it had been the same guy, but once a month for nine months. and for the same reason of depression? and there was no more love and caring for that guy and vice versa than in the 9 guys who did it with her? would that change anything for you? I suspect it would, because some how the mere fact that it was 9 different guys instead of just one would probably make her seem less neurotic and more moral to alot of men. but how, exactly?

 

The reality is that if a woman is going to just have sex without a relationship, it is far better to have a ONS where she has no emotional attachments and can walk away, than to have an ongoing thing with one guy where he doesn't really care and she will get emotionally attached. Why? Because women bond through sex. It is therefore more dangerous, on an emotional level, to have sex more than once with the same guy unless he really is interested in her. It is far more likely that she will bond and get hurt.

[clandestinidad]

I think Spectre and the OP should hush about what this girl has done. This girl said she's been depressed!!! They have absolutely NO CLUE how it feels to be depressed and unloved....and then when youre with someone who is giving you affection, it FEELS like love for the time being.

 

I was in the same boat as this girl.....wanting to feel loved soooo badly that you let it go further, so that for 20 min. you feel good. It doesnt make you a slut. Esp. since she, like me, probably felt bad about it afterwards....which makes the depression worse btw.

 

Someone is a slut when they dont give a $h!t about what they've done and continue the behavior.....If you want to call her ANYTHING maybe you should try "Depressed", or "Low Self-Esteemed", or "Desperate for love".....

 

what kind of jerk hears her say she's been depressed and then calls her a slut for it?!?!?!

[Marcus as the Peanut]

How about growing UP!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

How old are you FIVE?????

 

 

you stated that you been with more women , WHAT ****ING difrence does it make if it was in a short period of time..Would you feel beeter if it was 2 years or five years ?? Leave that poor girl alone...And let her meet sombody that likes her as she is

[Marcus as the Peanut]

I think Spectre and the OP should hush about what this girl has done. This girl said she's been depressed!!! They have absolutely NO CLUE how it feels to be depressed and unloved....and then when youre with someone who is giving you affection, it FEELS like love for the time being.

 

I was in the same boat as this girl.....wanting to feel loved soooo badly that you let it go further, so that for 20 min. you feel good. It doesnt make you a slut. Esp. since she, like me, probably felt bad about it afterwards....which makes the depression worse btw.

 

Someone is a slut when they dont give a $h!t about what they've done and continue the behavior.....If you want to call her ANYTHING maybe you should try "Depressed", or "Low Self-Esteemed", or "Desperate for love".....

 

what kind of jerk hears her say she's been depressed and then calls her a slut for it?!?!?!

GO GIRL!! :) :) :)

[mel777]

May your girlfriend start a thread with the headline- My ex-boyfriend was an idiot and i dumped his ass for someone who is smart enough not to ask questions he can't handle the truth to.